Commenting In The Response Box Of Someone Else
@purplealabaster (22091)
United States
December 13, 2010 11:05am CST
Now, what I am talking about here is not the normal "discussion" commenting in the response box of another user, which is actually encouraged. I am talking about random negative remarks directed at one particular person, but they are made in the response box of someone that has nothing to do with that person or conversation. For example User "A" says that User "B" is a stinky toad, but User "A" makes these remarks in the response box of User "C", who has nothing to do with whether or not User "B" is a stinky toad.
There have been a couple of times that people have made random negative comments about me (I know, I am as shocked as you that anyone could actually find something negative to say about me
). Worse yet, these comments have been made in the response box of someone that really has nothing to do with me. The negative comments had nothing to do with anything I was saying in the response box, and the person that made the comments was not even involved in a discussion with the person that started the response box. I kind-of feel it is rude to put the original responder in the middle (so to speak) by continuing the discussion in their response box. On the other hand, that is the only place where the person commented, so I really can't address them in their own response box. In addition, I don't know whether or not the person that made the comments will even check back as it was not their response box and therefore they will not be the ones that get the notifier of my reply. So, how would you handle this type of situation?
). Worse yet, these comments have been made in the response box of someone that really has nothing to do with me. The negative comments had nothing to do with anything I was saying in the response box, and the person that made the comments was not even involved in a discussion with the person that started the response box. I kind-of feel it is rude to put the original responder in the middle (so to speak) by continuing the discussion in their response box. On the other hand, that is the only place where the person commented, so I really can't address them in their own response box. In addition, I don't know whether or not the person that made the comments will even check back as it was not their response box and therefore they will not be the ones that get the notifier of my reply. So, how would you handle this type of situation?7 people like this
19 responses
@purplealabaster (22091)
• United States
13 Dec 10
The comments weren't bad enough to warrant reporting for "flaming", in my opinion. I do agree that they were in violation of good manners, though. I probably should just ignore the comments and the person that made them. On the other hand, I feel that I should be able to address the statements that were made without being inappropriate myself. If I address them in the response box where they were made, though, I think it would be similar to going to someone's house and getting into a fight with one of their guests - that would be bad manners, even if the other guest started it.
1 person likes this
@GardenGerty (160626)
• United States
13 Dec 10
Even if you do not want to report it, someone else might if it is totally off topic. I am prone to do that. I would say that a person who does that is a coward, and would like to be a bully. I would put a comment there if you do not mind the off chance of losing it. Again, I also might comment on it if I ran across it and thought it was not appropriate, even if it was not directed at me.
@purplealabaster (22091)
• United States
13 Dec 10
I doubt that anyone will report it as it is at least month old, and I have only just seen it myself. I wouldn't mind responding except that the original responder really has nothing to do with the comment, so I don't want to start something in their response box. I believe that it should either be addressed in my response box, especially since it wasn't regarding anything I said in the response box where the comment was left, or in that person's own response box. I hadn't really thought about it being off-topic, but I guess that it was at least in relation to what was being discussed in that particular response box.
1 person likes this
@mysdianait (66009)
• Italy
13 Dec 10
If that happens to me or if I see it happening to others, then I report. There is no place here on myLot for irrelevant responses, comments or whatever, especially when flaming, and anyone who thinks that they can earn for that type of activity is absolutely wrong.
Off with their heads! 
1 person likes this
@mysdianait (66009)
• Italy
13 Dec 10
Is it really worth the time to address the person in a more appropriate manner? Most of those who do that are here solely for tht purpose and you are playing into their hands if you waste your time with them 
1 person likes this
@purplealabaster (22091)
• United States
13 Dec 10
Fine just inject logic into my perfectly good rant! *stomps off in a huff* 
1 person likes this
@purplealabaster (22091)
• United States
13 Dec 10
LOL @ "Off with their heads!"
It wasn't really flaming, in my opinion. It was negative and inaccurate, but not really flaming. I had not really thought that it was an irrelevant response, but I guess that it was, at least in regards to what was being said in the response box where they left the comment. Instead of reporting, though, I really wanted to address the person in a more appropriate manner. Unfortunately, there have been a couple of times this has happened, and I have not figured out a way to do it without putting the original responder "in the middle" so to speak.
@zed_k4 (17589)
• Singapore
14 Dec 10
That's why ... I've been keeping this thought to myself for the longest time ever .. hmmmm , there should be a ping! box .. right next to the user .. LoL .. but spammers can't ping. Only users with myLot ID. To ping! to alert on the url discussion or something. Just my wild IT imagination. But too much work .. myLot engineers might not have the time.
Maybe I remember too much of my MIRC days .. 
You can't PM that person unless you are friends. My stinky notion is to reply on the user's comment box , but being subtle? Don't know .. -scratches head-
Maybe I remember too much of my MIRC days ..
You can't PM that person unless you are friends. My stinky notion is to reply on the user's comment box , but being subtle? Don't know .. -scratches head-1 person likes this
@mysdianait (66009)
• Italy
16 Dec 10
I see that your petals are still having their positive effects PA and we have Zed back! 
1 person likes this
@purplealabaster (22091)
• United States
14 Dec 10
Zed, how have you been? It has been too long since I have seen you!
LOL @ "My stinky notion is to reply on the user's comment box" I like the way you phrased that! Actually, I would have responded in the user's response box if they had bothered to leave one, but they didn't. Also, as you pointed out, I could not PM them as we are not "friends".
The ping suggestion is interesting, but I suspect that even if it was implemented it would need to be similar to the PMs where you can only ping "friends" or there would be too much chance for harassment, so it still would not be of any help in this instance.
It has been too long since I have seen you!
LOL @ "My stinky notion is to reply on the user's comment box" I like the way you phrased that! Actually, I would have responded in the user's response box if they had bothered to leave one, but they didn't. Also, as you pointed out, I could not PM them as we are not "friends".
The ping suggestion is interesting, but I suspect that even if it was implemented it would need to be similar to the PMs where you can only ping "friends" or there would be too much chance for harassment, so it still would not be of any help in this instance.1 person likes this
@sunnycool (12714)
• India
14 Dec 10
Bounty hunter is back .... good to see you bro 
1 person likes this
@sulynsi (2671)
• Canada
14 Dec 10
Hi purple
I must admit, I haven't had time to read all the responses on this one, so I apologize if my comment is duplicating anyone else's. I'm just really tired, but I wanted to mention that it may be the user A is simply clueless about how the boxes work. I know, because I used to answer in the wrong place, thinking I was responding in the right place.
I'm sure there were a few puzzled looks in my early days!
Fortunately, I don't believe I've ever called anyone a stinky toad, even if I could figure out which box to answer in!
I'm sure there were a few puzzled looks in my early days!
Fortunately, I don't believe I've ever called anyone a stinky toad, even if I could figure out which box to answer in!2 people like this
@saphrina (31551)
• South Africa
13 Dec 10
Hi sweetie.
uumm, you lost me on the left hand corner of user A.
Then i lost track of user B.
Between A and B i missed the stinky toad.
Freaking confusing.
Okay let's move on then.
As for those who made negative comments about you.
So awesonly rude.
Don't they have manners?
Lamby still has the ribbons and whips.
Maybe i should use the spatula on them.
What do you think?
I won't handle it sweetie, i ignore it.
Jumping again?
TATA.
Okay let's move on then.
As for those who made negative comments about you.
So awesonly rude.
Don't they have manners?
Lamby still has the ribbons and whips.
Maybe i should use the spatula on them.
What do you think?
I won't handle it sweetie, i ignore it.
Jumping again?
TATA.@purplealabaster (22091)
• United States
13 Dec 10
If you got caught up in "A" and "B", then you totally missed out on "C". Poor "C" is always getting overlooked. Missing the stinky toad wasn't necessarily a bad thing, though.
I really do not think that they have manners. It wasn't as much the negative comments that bothered me, though, as it was where they chose to leave them. I don't mind people telling me what they think, especially if they have a point or I can at least defend myself. When they do it in such a way where I do not feel comfortable addressing the comments, then that is what I feel is rude.
I don't think that he will return those any time soon, so I suspect you might have to resort to using the spatula ... or perhaps an egg whisk would work just as well.
Missing the stinky toad wasn't necessarily a bad thing, though.
I really do not think that they have manners. It wasn't as much the negative comments that bothered me, though, as it was where they chose to leave them. I don't mind people telling me what they think, especially if they have a point or I can at least defend myself. When they do it in such a way where I do not feel comfortable addressing the comments, then that is what I feel is rude.
I don't think that he will return those any time soon, so I suspect you might have to resort to using the spatula ... or perhaps an egg whisk would work just as well.1 person likes this
@purplealabaster (22091)
• United States
13 Dec 10
I am not so sure you should dismiss the egg whisk so quickly. Perhaps instead you should try to think more creatively, and I suspect you could find an appropriate use for it. I mean really, you never thought of jumping before, either, but it is not such a bad idea and can really be quite fun ...
I mean really, you never thought of jumping before, either, but it is not such a bad idea and can really be quite fun ... 1 person likes this
@KrauseHome (36448)
• United States
10 Jun 11
Personally this can be quite frustrating when I see things like this, especially in one of the many discussions I have started as it makes me wonder who the response was really directed at, and why anyone would want to respond back to someone that way as well. What is worse is when there are people who will go around and follow someone just so they can respond like this. Wish there was a way to Stop it for sure.
1 person likes this
@purplealabaster (22091)
• United States
10 Jun 11
If this keeps happening on a regular basis, then the person that is being followed can report the responses/comments to myLot and ask that they be deleted. If that does not stop the other person from continuing to engage in this sort of activity, then the person being followed can report the user to myLot, and myLot will take appropriate action.
The comments that I was talking about here were not really abusive, so I would not report them. I think they might have been trying to make a point, although I am not entirely sure what that point was, and I believe that they were incorrect in what they were saying. I would have addressed them personally if they had their own response box on the discussion, but they did not. I have not seen them doing this sort of thing recently, so maybe they either gave up or realized that they had made a mistake.
If I am addressing a particular person within a response box, especially if there are several people responding in one box, then I will put their name before my comments so there is no misunderstand as to whom I am speaking. If the comment is more of a general nature, though, then I will just leave it without addressing it to any specific person hoping that anybody that cares to will respond.
@MsTickle (25180)
• Australia
21 Dec 10
A sticky situation my friend. The way I see it is you have 3 options:
1. Ignore it. I know it's hard because it touched a nerve but there's always...:
2. Report the person. This isn't much of a result either. Try...
3. Make friends with them, then after a few days...give them a serve via P M.
Above all, have fun!
Merry Christmas.
@MsTickle (25180)
• Australia
25 Jan 11
It actually happened to me the other day...discussion was about one of my pet peeves...."myLot should give us an edit button". I responded, with a hint of humour and a smidgeon of sarcasm that we have an edit button already and the op slammed me nastily. I laughed at him which diffused the situation but then yesterday there was a comment to my response from someone else that missed the point entirely. I gave him a serve but there is no way he will know I did unless he goes back to check...like that will happen....NOT! I got some satisfaction from it though...
1 person likes this
@purplealabaster (22091)
• United States
25 Jan 11
Sorry that it took so long for me to comment on your response, but I didn't realize that this discussion had received more replies that I hadn't responded to until today.
LOL @ "Make friends with them, then after a few days...give them a serve via PM" I like that suggestion and will keep it in mind for future reference just in case this happens again.
I didn't report the person, because it was not really something that I feel was a "report worthy" comment. It was more that I wanted to respond but didn't want to put the original responder in the middle by possibly "starting something" in his or her response box. Perhaps that was the intent of the person ... to get "under my skin" without allowing me the opportunity to respond back. It really is not that big of a deal, although admittedly it did bother me at the time. In the overall scheme of things, though, it wasn't even a blip on the radar, so I guess that I shouldn't have let it bother me at all.
LOL @ "Make friends with them, then after a few days...give them a serve via PM" I like that suggestion and will keep it in mind for future reference just in case this happens again.
I didn't report the person, because it was not really something that I feel was a "report worthy" comment. It was more that I wanted to respond but didn't want to put the original responder in the middle by possibly "starting something" in his or her response box. Perhaps that was the intent of the person ... to get "under my skin" without allowing me the opportunity to respond back. It really is not that big of a deal, although admittedly it did bother me at the time. In the overall scheme of things, though, it wasn't even a blip on the radar, so I guess that I shouldn't have let it bother me at all.1 person likes this
@purplealabaster (22091)
• United States
13 Feb 11
Humor does tend to diffuse a situation, especially if the other person has a sense of humor as well. It can be very frustrating when someone comes and "slams" us and we respond knowing that they will most likely never go back to see our comment ... rather like a hit-and-run poster. At least you did get the satisfaction of responding, and now anyone that reads the entire thing will also see your response, so it definitely was not "lost", even though the intended person will likely never see it.
1 person likes this
@Youreyes4Today (2356)
• United States
13 Dec 10
There are some people in our world that just have to make such comments. What it is, is to start trouble with someone else. Even if they don't know who they are, just get someone upset where they will respond and get something going. Best thing to do is ignore it, don't feed it, don't respond. If you do then they can report you. If not they have nothing to do but go away.
I have seen those, I don't respond, I just go on with my day. I know myself well enough to know these words are just that words.
Don't allow it to get under your skin.. get on with the day
1 person likes this
@Youreyes4Today (2356)
• United States
13 Dec 10
Oh how I know it can get under the skin.. and just want to yell something back.
Just remember that is what they want, That Reaction to feed themselves.
1 person likes this
@purplealabaster (22091)
• United States
13 Dec 10
You might be right that they just want to start trouble, and they don't particularly care with whom they are starting the trouble or where the trouble is being started as long as it gets a reaction. I imagine that you are right that I should just ignore this type of behavior, but as you can see, it does tend to get to me as I felt the need to start a discussion about it. I will have to try harder in the future to just let things go and move on.
I will have to try harder in the future to just let things go and move on.@purplealabaster (22091)
• United States
13 Dec 10
I definitely agree that words need to be chosen carefully when responding back to negative people as it can easily turn into a "flame war", especially when that is the goal of the person making the negative comments. Sometimes walking away (or in this case I guess scrolling away would be more accurate) is the best course of action, but it can also be the most difficult. Then again, very often the "easy choice" is not necessarily the right choice.
) is the best course of action, but it can also be the most difficult. Then again, very often the "easy choice" is not necessarily the right choice. @sunnycool (12714)
• India
13 Dec 10
WHO dared to offend my dear purple flower?
How could he/she could even do that ... sunny wears his boxing gloves
?
How could he/she could even do that ... sunny wears his boxing gloves 1 person likes this
@purplealabaster (22091)
• United States
13 Dec 10
Awww Sunny, I LOVE it when you flex those perfectly sculptured muscles, especially when you are coming to my defense!
I thought he was taking up gardening 
@AdalieM (1134)
• United States
13 Dec 10
Well I am going to be honest and I am going to say that sometimes I have offended other people and they have offended me. I don't really like to argue but sometimes if somebody is being just way off I report it and defend my friends, I know I shouldn't but most of the other mylotters have been there for me and I find it that is the right thing to do in my twisted head. But I do realized that this leaves to nothing other than more hurtful words and more arguing and following each other around. I am guilty of charge. If I feel like I have to say something I will even though is not right, it shows that we don't have respect for each other and we want nothing but trouble. From now on I am staying out and being more careful to what I say to other people.
1 person likes this
@purplealabaster (22091)
• United States
13 Dec 10
I don't have a problem with people defending themselves or their friends, especially when they think that I have said or done something out of line. That is one instance where I do feel that it is appropriate to address the person in the response box of someone else, especially if that is where the person made the offending comment. In fact, if that was the case, then it would not have been an issue.
What I am talking about, though, is if someone just randomly left a comment here in your response box while we are discussing this subject and accused me of starting trouble for no apparent reason. Now, I would not have a problem finding out what that person was talking about, but it really has nothing to do with you or what you and I are discussing, so why would a person leave that sort of comment here?
@purplealabaster (22091)
• United States
13 Dec 10
"Well some of them are just looking for trouble or an easy way to earn more money" That is a really good point that I didn't even think about. I mean, I realized that they might be trying to start trouble, but it didn't make any sense why they would do it in a response box that had nothing to do with what they were saying, especially when they could confront me directly. I think that you might be right about just wanting to make a little extra money, though. I mean, the response wasn't bad enough to be reported. It was put in a place that was most likely not to be commented on, so they could just say whatever and earn a few cents for it without any real consequences.
LOL @ the lemon comment regarding jewelry. Maybe they tried to wear the lemons as jewelry and found they are allergic to them?
@AdalieM (1134)
• United States
13 Dec 10
Well some of them are just looking for trouble or an easy way to earn more money. Now that I get what you are trying to say.. crap didn't sleep last night excuse the pun.
I had another account here on mylot and I cancelled it and came back! There was a discussion about you being allergic to jewelery and some member showed up and said to me no only when!! I used lemon.... What the heck what does that have anything to do with my discussion. Either they are trying to start a fight or they don't read kinda like what I just did now tut tut!! could be? There was another time when somebody call me a liar about some making money site, that was funny!! To be honest I don't know, I guess they are having a bad day.
1 person likes this
@purplealabaster (22091)
• United States
13 Dec 10
Unfortunately that only works if you are "friends" with the other person. As the most recent person is not on my friends list, I do not have that option. I guess that I could request that person as a friend, but they also have the option of denying that request, so then I am right back to where I am now. Besides, as another person has pointed out, I suspect that if they really wanted to discuss the comments, then they would have done it in a place that was more appropriate.
Besides, as another person has pointed out, I suspect that if they really wanted to discuss the comments, then they would have done it in a place that was more appropriate.1 person likes this
@purplealabaster (22091)
• United States
13 Dec 10
Yeah, that is a long-shot, though, as they would have to keep checking back to see whether or not I responded, since they will not get the notifiers (only the original responder will get the notification). I guess that I will just have to let it go and move on, but I just do not understand why someone would make a comment like that and put it where someone else would be drawn into the middle. If they had an issue with me or what I was saying, then they could easily leave it in my response box or create their own response box in my discussion rather than possible making someone else uncomfortable.
1 person likes this
@purplealabaster (22091)
• United States
31 Oct 15
I don't think that this sort of thing can happen much now, because we can "call" people at will. This discussion was started before myLot got a make-over. Back then, if you commented in the response box of another member, then only the member that gave the original response would be notified of any further comments. Now, we can address our comments to anybody we please regardless of where we are posting.
@PainsOnSlate (21852)
• Canada
5 Dec 15
I haven't experienced that as far as I know but I saw @owlwings comment below so will keep that in mind if It ever happens to me. Rude rubs me the wrong way too.
1 person likes this
@purplealabaster (22091)
• United States
5 Dec 15
It was more difficult in the old version of myLot to address such things. Now, we can tag them and address them directly, which was not an option back then. That is one of the things that I really, really like about the new format.
1 person likes this
@purplealabaster (22091)
• United States
13 Feb 11
It was not really something that I wanted to get Admin involved in as it really was not abusive, in my opinion. It was more incorrect than anything, and I wanted to "clear the air" and get things straightened out, because I think that there was a misunderstanding and something was read or interpreted wrong. If it had been abusive, then I would have reported it. In this particular case, I just wanted to get what I interpreted as a misunderstanding cleared up. I just did not know how to go about doing that, and it appears there really is not a good way to do it at the moment.
@sid556 (30960)
• United States
14 Dec 10
Was it me? I can't imagine saying anything negative about you purple and I try to refrain from doing those things but sometimes I do get caught up in a discussion and comment other other peoples comments. I know that I've had it happen to me to the point where I've jumped in and asked the two arguers to take their argument outside. Oh and a couple of times I've looked back and found I actually commented in the wrong box ....I don't know how I do those things but I've done it a few times and then slapped my head and feel like an idiot.
@purplealabaster (22091)
• United States
14 Dec 10
Of course it wasn't you, Sid. I do not think that I have ever seen you say anything mean, and you always have valid points when you disagree with someone. I can actually understand accidentally making a comment in the wrong box as I have done it myself (and yes, I felt like an idiot, too), so that is probably what happened with this latest person at least. There was another person that seemed to make negative comments in boxes where I had left a comment (again not you), but that has stopped so hopefully whatever issue there was has been resolved.
I am sorry that you have had this sort of thing happen in your response box, but it is good that you stood up for yourself and asked them to take their issues elsewhere. It also confirms what I had suspected - that the original responder most likely feels uncomfortable and put in the middle, which is not a nice feeling or place to be.
1 person likes this
@Hatley (163776)
• Garden Grove, California
14 Dec 10
hi purplealabaster I have seen several of those and they were always something really negative like they were searching for anyplace this person may have responded then jump on the user, I think that is a form of stalking and not a very pleasant form either.I really do not know how one handles that. I did make a comment to this one person telling her that she had insulted this person and should be careful as remakes like that if mylot sees them will lose her her post. I also reported her as she was flaming the responder not the person who made the discussion.
1 person likes this
@purplealabaster (22091)
• United States
14 Dec 10
Unfortunately, Hatley, I have seen the same things that you are talking about here. It is definitely the bad kind of stalking ... or as I have been told it is more trolling. Those kinds of remarks, especially when they are really nasty or even keep happening over and over again in many different response boxes, should be reported, because that is just not right.
The most recent incident that I was talking about here only happened once as far as I know, though, and the comment wasn't bad enough to report, in my opinion. I really think it was more of a misunderstanding, but I just didn't want to start anything where the comment was made just in case I was wrong and the comment was intended to be nastier than I interpreted it to be.
The most recent incident that I was talking about here only happened once as far as I know, though, and the comment wasn't bad enough to report, in my opinion. I really think it was more of a misunderstanding, but I just didn't want to start anything where the comment was made just in case I was wrong and the comment was intended to be nastier than I interpreted it to be.
@bounce58 (17387)
• Canada
2 Jun 11
I've seen some of those!
And the thing is, even if User "C" does not, or don't want to get involved, he unwillingly put in the middle because the negative comment shows up in user C's email notification.
Like some responses here, the best way is to just ignore it and move on.
1 person likes this
@purplealabaster (22091)
• United States
3 Jun 11
I am sorry to hear that you have seen some of these comments as well, Bounce, but it is somehow comforting to know that I am not the only one that this happens to.
Yes, that is exactly the point. User "C" gets put in the middle even if he or she has no idea what is going on, because the notifications show up in his or her e-mail regardless of whether or not they are actively participating in the discussion. I don't think that is fair. I guess that the best way is to ignore it and move on, especially since it was not bad enough to be reportable, in my opinion.
@kodukodu84 (1569)
• Malaysia
14 Dec 10
I would probably just ignore and say nothing about it if the comment was written under someone else's response box. It is really not nice to do that as it is not only us who will get offended but the other member would feel hurt and confused too but what can we do when there's such member around. Good luck and have a nice day
1 person likes this
@purplealabaster (22091)
• United States
14 Dec 10
Yeah, I think that is how I am going to handle this one unless it keeps happening, and then I will have to find another way to work it out. If the person was responding to something that I said in that particular response box, then I could understand the comment being put there as that would make sense. Since I had not said anything in that response box regarding what the person was saying, I feel the same as you do that responding where the comment was made would just make the original responder feel uncomfortable, and that is definitely not what I want to do.
