Would you date someone that has kids and you don't?
By Michelle
@infatuatedbby (94914)
United States
December 14, 2010 4:25pm CST
My friends and I were talking about this topic randomly. I am in a relationship however it's just a question that she asked me if I would ever date someone with a child and to be honest, I would not want to be in that position unless I have a child too because I would not want to deal with having to raise a child that isn't mine because the dad "the boyfriend" and "baby momma" drama will go on and it's not my kid to raise and what not so I wouldn't feel right because the parents of the kid might have a different style of raising a child then I would (not like I have any but in general).
What are your views about dating someone with a kid(kids)? Yes or no? Why or why not, and have you ever dated someone with kids?
1 person likes this
17 responses
@nicregi (1934)
• Malaysia
14 Dec 10
Hi there!
For me, I don't really mind. To be honest, I believe love conquers all. I know this sounds stupid and fairy tale huh but yeah I live with this fact since I was small.
If the love is real, I will give the person a chance and even the children too! I believe we can work something out if we are truly devoted to each other.
Have a great day !
1 person likes this
@pweety_princess (2012)
• Australia
15 Dec 10
I completely agree with you nicregi. If love is found, then it should stay that way, and not judged on a fact if someone has children or not. I believe if two couples went out and one had children and didn't tell the other, there relationship would be fine. Once they find out, then suddenly everything changes. Sure, it could be because of keeping a secret, but somehow everything changes then. However, I'm pretty sure this is about financially supporting a bigger family and just wanting a family of your own, not children who are not related to you at all.
For me I would prefer a partner that does not have children from a previous relationship, but if he does and I love him, then it doesn't matter. We are all human anyway, so children or no children, it shouldn't matter in a relationship.
1 person likes this
@infatuatedbby (94914)
• United States
15 Dec 10
Yes, I agree it's just a preference but it's just a preference I have however we have to have compromises if I was ever in that position.
@infatuatedbby (94914)
• United States
15 Dec 10
Hello.
Thanks for sharing and I agree however I don't prefer it but if it is meant to be I'd give it a shot.
Hope you have a great day too & happy holidays!
@LilyoftheThorns (12918)
• United States
15 Dec 10
Well, every relationships is different, and just because a couple has a child together but are not together anymore does not mean there will always be drama. They may have ended on good terms and are still friendly towards one another, it happens! lol
And yes, I would date someone that already has a child. I would have no problem raising a kid that wasn't mine. Just because they aren't mine doesn't mean I can't love them like a mother in time.
@LilyoftheThorns (12918)
• United States
15 Dec 10
I don't think there would always be problems with the children either. Kids are very good at coping with new people. Kids have no trouble loving more than 2 people as parents, especially if they are all nice to them, and they get to see all of them often. But, hey, I'm not an expert! This is just what I think lol.
Thanks!
1 person likes this
@infatuatedbby (94914)
• United States
19 Dec 10
Yeah, kids are easy but they may be confused a bit if they're still young. Thanks for sharing again :)
@infatuatedbby (94914)
• United States
15 Dec 10
It happens but very rare! It will always be complicates especially for the child.. unless the children are grown like 18+ but I was talking about kids under 5 years old.. but yeah - thanks for sharing :)
@sender621 (14893)
• United States
15 Dec 10
I care more about the person i'm dating than if he has children or not. It should not make any difference if one of us has children and the other doesn't. It doesn't change how I would feel about dating them.1 person likes this
@madteaparty (2748)
• Japan
15 Dec 10
My point of view is similar to mine. I wouldn't date a person with kids because I don't want to become an outsider in the life of those little kids. The figure of a mother is very important in the childhood of a child, and I think I can't be the appropiate one for someone else's kid.
A person with kids would be better dating with another person who is good at dealing with kids, and knows how to make up for the missing maternal figure.
1 person likes this
@infatuatedbby (94914)
• United States
17 Dec 10
I agree, the mother of the child will be an important role for the child especially if they're young.
Thank you for sharing!
@rosegardens (3032)
• United States
15 Dec 10
I honestly would not want to date someone with children. I don't care for the way many raise their kids. Some are abusive but many give in to the children. I cannot stand that. The few people I knew as a kid and grew up with that got whatever they wanted and were not disciplined are not very good at being adults. It harms them.
1 person likes this
@rosegardens (3032)
• United States
15 Dec 10
Plus, the drama that goes along with it is not worth it. I feel uncomfortable around exes. Knowing they did something to create a child.......something so intimate and so forever bothers me, because I have not put myself in that position. I can't imagine doing that with someone who would not be your husband or wife.
1 person likes this
@infatuatedbby (94914)
• United States
15 Dec 10
Thank you for sharing and I could relate. I wouldn't want to date someone with children too just because the drama, hassle and stuff I don't think I could take it..
@sweetmary86 (822)
• Philippines
19 Dec 10
i dont mind as long as the guy is goodlooking or financially stable. and if hes separated or divorced then its fine with me as long as i really like being with the person.
1 person likes this
@infatuatedbby (94914)
• United States
19 Dec 10
Thanks for sharing and you have a very open mind :)
@GloomCookieLex (6073)
• United States
15 Dec 10
I am also in a relationship, but hypothetically, no I would never be with a man who has children. Primarily because I want nothing to do with children. I don't want to have children and I would never be with someone who has them or wants them.
1 person likes this
@infatuatedbby (94914)
• United States
15 Dec 10
Thanks for sharing, so blunt, I like it :) I would want children in the future but I don't know........ it will be a handful.
@hardworkinggurl (37063)
• United States
14 Dec 10
Prior to my own children I did date someone with children, and it was quite challenging indeed.
I suppose if I did not have any already I would probably say no, simply because it is quite challenging and certainly was not fair with some of the things I put up with. Now I have children so certainly if I was looking for someone I would not be selective as I do have children and well it would not be fair to seek someone with out when I do have.
However, overall love can over come many triumphs in life, depending on it's value I suppose.
1 person likes this
@infatuatedbby (94914)
• United States
15 Dec 10
Thanks for sharing your experience.
I have friends who have and it is a hard thing because they never had children before but if you have children then it's another story.
But, I agree- love comes with kids or without kids, just a preference I prefer but doesn't mean I'd stick with it but right now I don't think I will because the guy I'm with is the guy I'm going to marry one day.
@infatuatedbby (94914)
• United States
15 Dec 10
Yes, it does depend on the situation but in general I personally prefer not to but if I didn't know and the relationship got seriously then maybe I would change my prospective. I love kids too but I'm too young to be a mother and I agree your stand point. Thanks for sharing.
@AdalieM (1134)
• United States
14 Dec 10
No because reason number one, I am not good with kids and reason number two I don't want to have kids. Don't get me wrong I do like kids but I don't want to play the role of the mother. I am selfish and having kids means you have to put your kids first before yourself. Not to mention I am needy and I want my partner to be with me most of the time and if he has a kid, it means that his kid comes first before no matter how much he loves me, if his kid in an accident and we are in the middle of dinner, he is going to choose his kid over me. Anyway that's the way I see it.And I cannot make people choose I am not that horrible, is just not right. So no kids.
1 person likes this
@infatuatedbby (94914)
• United States
15 Dec 10
Thanks for sharing and that is true however in the future I would like to have kids, I just don't want to raise someone elses child where my say wouldn't matter and it'd interfere but if I happen to go through that path then compromises will have to be in action. Thanks fo rsharing :)
@asyria51 (2861)
• United States
15 Dec 10
I dated a single dad for a while, and it was hard. You are not the mother so you do not know your exact role. It was a long time before he introduced me to his child. I was afraid to get too close in case the relationship didn't work out. The romance did fizzle out, but I still see him, his child and his new wife a few times a year. You have to go into it knowing that you will be second place. She/he already has an established relationship with his/her children, and there is a responsibility to those children.
@infatuatedbby (94914)
• United States
15 Dec 10
Thanks for sharing your experiences and I agree, it will and would be a complicated position. I have nothing against it but it's just too much.
@infatuatedbby (94914)
• United States
17 Dec 10
Oh, sorry to hear you don't have much time, you should find time to date! Good luck & thanks for sharing.
@ellaangelus (283)
• Tokelau
15 Dec 10
if i know that the relationship is really serious and that it might last, sure. kids are not a reason to break up with someone, but actually bring you closer. at least in my case. i'd love to take care of kids, so there won't be a problem at all.
@infatuatedbby (94914)
• United States
15 Dec 10
Thanks for sharing but yeah kids won't break up but if you knew they had kids in the first place would you date them?
@Toadsticker (246)
• United States
14 Dec 10
Before I found the right one. (No kids) I was engaged to two different women with children. So it wasn't a big deal to me.
1 person likes this
@infatuatedbby (94914)
• United States
15 Dec 10
Thanks for sharing. I see.. you were engaged twice, are you still engaged to one of them now?
@fourjems08 (550)
• Philippines
15 Dec 10
That would depend on the situation. Right now you may hate the idea but you might see yourself someday in that situation if you fall deeply in love with the person. Why? Because when we love, nothing matters. We accept everything. We do everything for the person we love even if others find it stupid and crazy. For me, if ever I would be in that situation it would surely be the toughest situation because I already have 4 kids.
@infatuatedbby (94914)
• United States
15 Dec 10
I agree, it depends on the situation however for me I am with the man I know I'm going to marry, however if I stumble to be on the topic of a guy I like who has kids, yes maybe but I prefer not to. It is tougher to find a relationship if you have kids however if you're older and the kids are grown then that's another story. Thanks for sharing.
@RamRes (1723)
• Argentina
22 Dec 10
I think I would not, at least in first instance. I'm not too sure I can maintan such relationship, as she would always be worried and occupied with her child and have less time for me. Also, that'll force her to keep contact with her ex, that both of us may have problems with. And finally, I have to get the aprovation of the child too, which is a decisive factor in my partner life. I'm not ready yet to be a father, much less of a child of other.
If I really like the girl, I may try it, but I find hard for me to keep it up. Love can make wonders on people behavior, but it takes some time to build it and is that time that I see the worst problem.
@elpagnier8 (3)
•
15 Dec 10
Yes I would because now and days people with children have more sense of control and maturity
@infatuatedbby (94914)
• United States
15 Dec 10
Thanks for sharing, not all people are mature when having kids just a handful.
