Do you know people who do this in relationships?

@zoey7879 (3092)
Quincy, Illinois
December 15, 2010 12:38am CST
I have a good friend. Let's call this first friend Cal. Cal is 21 and has been married for about a year. He and his wife have a 2, almost three year old, and one that's about 8 months old. Cal and the kids both had a stomach bug. After his wife got off work, he took a 2 hour nap and got up. His wife, who felt fine, slept for 8 hours. When Cal woke her up to help take care of the kids, she threw a tantrum and threw their garbage can down the stairs and began yelling at him. Later that week, she decided to not go home and spent five hours after work with her friends, leaving the kids at home with Cal not even bothering to call him or contact him. I have another friend. Lets call him Tyler. Tyler was divorced with a 7 year old and a 2 year old. He worked as a sub-contractor for a company that paid him nearly $23 an hour, 48 hours a week and provided full health benefits for his kids and covered all travel expenses. After two years of being divorced, his ex-wife found out that he was dating and happy with the relationship when she threatened him. Get back with me or I will move out of state with the kids. Knowing that he's only home usually 3 out of every 30-50 days from the job, he broke up with the sweet girl he was dating to get back with his ex wife, who kicked him in the face for not going to the grocery store with her the first weekend that they were back together. This REALLY broke the heart of the nice girl that he had been dating. Tyler's ex-wife did not allow him to have female friends. They remarried a few months later, and divorced for a second time 5 years later. Why the hell do people put up with this crap in a relationship? Do you know people that do this sort of thing to themselves, remaining miserable and refusing to leave their significant other because they refuse to admit that their SO is actually a horrid person?
1 person likes this
4 responses
millertime
@millertime (1394)
• United States
20 Dec 10
I think a lot of times, it's just a matter of convenience. I know a person who is always arguing with her husband. He lost his job due to the company going out of business and he won't take another job unless he is making as much or more than he was making before. He could get work, but it would be for less money than he was making so he won't "lower" himself to accept such a job. Meanwhile, his wife is working full time and just took a part time job at Costco to make ends meet. She stays with him because he watches the kids while she works. He doesn't clean house, he doesn't cook, he doesn't do anything for her but watch the kids. They stay together out of convenience. I also think that some women are afraid to be alone and/or they figure they won't be able to find anyone else so they stay in a bad relationship. It's hard to believe but there are a lot of people in similar situations and they just don't have the courage to get out of it.
murd99
@murd99 (7)
• United States
16 Dec 10
In my opinion it sounds like Cal's wife has anger issues, no offense, and apparently gets extremely angry over the littlest of things, she should seek help before their relationship ends up splitting apart. I understand Tyler's situation, he wants to be in his childrens life and thats why he chose to be with his ex-wife, but his ex-wife seems like the possessive sort of person, if shes doesn't change the relationship is going to end a second time
gsaintiny
@gsaintiny (69)
• United States
15 Dec 10
Hi Zoey, Thanks, for sharing your concern. Well, yeah. I know people who put up with all sorts of things. I just want to say you're sweet, and that these people you know are lucky to have someone who feels concern for them. However, suffering for them is good for no one. You don't know what they may be getting out of such a relationship. They may actually get something out of it. It might even be something important and substantial. In any case, this has got to be hard on the kids. Furthermore, they clearly feel the other person has something on them and that they can't leave the relationship without getting wounded more deeply, all at once, than if they stay. This part, I totally get, Zoey. My real response--outside of a metaphysical answer like mastering the Law Of Attraction? Read these books by Barbara Sher & Annie Gottlieb: WISHCRAFT and TEAMWORKS. They get you back to focussing on a dream you want to come true. And they help you to get that dream by simply having other people help you! Not by becoming a better or more skillful person. There's a different message, if ever I heard one! :P Hahaha! :D Sunshine & Blessings, Giovani
PSTordilla
@PSTordilla (88)
• Philippines
16 Dec 10
The thing with human beings we are complicated and very diverse. Even after the 2000 plus years of human civilization we are not still certain why people act or do things. True various disciplines and fields of study provide explanations but there are never conclusive. Personally I do not know people like those described. However in my opinion they put up with these things since they believe they are doing it for something worthwhile or valuable.