What's more effective for you?
By cowboyofhell
@cowboyofhell (3063)
Philippines
December 16, 2010 12:33am CST
Listening without looking or listening with eye contact? When I'm doing something I only come to hear what others say without me looking at them because I can't predict when they are going to speak so I fail to look at their direction. Still I understand what they say even if I'm not facing them. I think it's not important that a person look at the person speaking as long as he understands what's been said and the response is given as sign of respect.
4 responses
@owlwings (43910)
• Cambridge, England
16 Dec 10
The necessity of eye contact when speaking with someone varies from culture to culture. Most Caucasians require eye contact as a signal of honesty and acknowledgement that the person is paying attention. African (including some African American) culture, on the other hand, tends to regard full, steady eye contact as rude or intrusive and, sometimes, a signal of accusation or dominance.
This has been, some people believe, a significant factor in the relationship between the two races. To a Caucasian, a person of African origin appears shifty and dishonest because he or she will only make occasional eye contact with the speaker; on the other hand, to someone of African origin, a Caucasian can often send unintentional signals of accusation or dominance by their habit of extended eye contact.
This information comes from research done in the '60s and '70s by my brother (who is now a world authority on Gesture). I don't know what research has been done on other cultures but, with the increasing contact between cultures, such studies are very important so that we can understand how to successfully have inter-cultural communication.
@owlwings (43910)
• Cambridge, England
16 Dec 10
If, therefore, as a Filipino, you happen to be talking to a Caucasian, you should show that you are attending to what they are saying by looking at them while they are speaking (and while you are speaking to them) otherwise you will be thought rude, inattentive, perhaps subservient, and even dishonest or shifty.
As the Philippines has quite a long history of association with and admixture of Spanish and American culture, you may be quite familiar with such differences in the need for eye contact and, in fact, might unconsciously class people as 'Pinoy' or 'Westernised' depending on these subtle signals.
@cowboyofhell (3063)
• Philippines
18 Dec 10
your answer made sense. i want to do the same but with the face ive got i find it a bit difficult. im afraid that they will only find my face funny or it will distract them. some have already took notice of my big nose and that make it worse to look at a person talking to me. good day
@nereidiane024 (292)
• Philippines
16 Dec 10
hello!
we have different types of style in listening. sometimes, if both of you were walking then its hard to look at him with eye contact. but if both of you were sitting and facing each other, we sometimes tend to have an eye contact. its because of eye contact the person we talked with can see that we are eager to listen to them and we believe in what they are saying. sometimes, we looked away to think of something with the issue, but it doesnt mean you are not eagerly listening. :)
@lmoore3 (59)
• United States
17 Dec 10
I agree with the thought of understanding the person while not looking at them if that is entirely what you are doing. Many people will take that though as a sign of disrespect. Especially if your eyes are wondering. Or, if a person is multitasking or concentrated on something else the point being discussed could be lost. It also may depend on who you in fact are speaking to. Talking to a friend you may not have to look directly at them, but if you are at a job interview it would not look well for employment.
