Nosy friends
@western_valleygirl (1363)
United States
December 18, 2010 10:28pm CST
How do you deal with nosy friends. I am having this problem recently for with two friends. One not as much as the other. There first friend contacts me once a year to get the "scoop" on my life, to share with all the people that we used to know (whom she keeps in touch with since we were 16). I do not keep in touch with any of those people, because I changed high schools back then, and only kept in contact with one of them, who is my sister's best friend.
Anyways, the second person, is a friend of mine, that I met when I was older vacationing and we know that same people. She is not a close friend, because it was only that one summer that we really hung out, but she really values our friendship, I believe, but she has issues (not that I don't) and so she shares some of her issues, and dramas, and is nosy about mine and what is going on with me, and etc.
Both of them are not as close to me as before, and yet, they inquire about details of my life and ask question after question, and I feel taken advantage of when I have conversations with them. I always feel put on the spot too. Especially the one that contacts me once a year. She even admitted that I probably thought she was nosy! I was like, "uh, oh, no, that's OK." But, the reality was, she just asked a bunch of personal questions, and that was it. Like no real conversation at all. So, it was totally nosy, but she does it again and again!
The other one, just wants to discuss how our lives differ (with complaints) and I feel that I cannot trust her because she seems to say dramatic things, so that she can get information to use against me, or to "store" against me.
And the thing is, I don't know how to deal with them. I started not signing onto my messenger, because I want to avoid the second one. Luckily the other one only contacts me once a year, but still I am not a mean person, but this is getting on my nerves. Does anyone know what I should do about this? Thanks.
1 person likes this
10 responses
@jesssp (2712)
• Canada
22 Dec 10
If it really bothers you, and it sounds like it does, then it may be best to phase them out of your life even more than you already have. It's not right for people to stick their noses right into your business, especially when it's just to stack your life up against theirs to make them feel better about something - which is what is sounds like #2 is doing. And it also isn't fair to use someone as a sounding board for complaints.
#1 is also easy to deal with - when you get these once a year fact finding phone calls you just tell her everything is GREAT. You gush about your life, without bragging, and only talk about all the good things. Then if she wants to report back to your entire high school she can go right ahead. I remember running into someone from high school that I never really cared for - or trusted - when we were out last year. He was doing the same thing, I could tell by the kind of questions he was asking he wasn't really interested, he wanted information that he could report back to people. It was like a damn interview. So I just absolutely GUSHED about how fabulous my life was, how happy my husband and I were and how our life was completely perfect in every way. I didn't lie, I only told him the truth, and I didn't embellish or brag but I can't help but think it was a pretty unsatisfying gossip session when he told whoever else was interested.
1 person likes this
@western_valleygirl (1363)
• United States
24 Dec 10
Yeah, that is pretty much the situation that I experience with them. I will try and do what you mentioned and see if that works. Dealing with them always puts me in an agitated type of mood. I totally understand what you mean about that person from your high school. That is exactly how I feel, as if I was being interviewed.
@kodukodu84 (1569)
• Malaysia
20 Dec 10
Well maybe that is just their habit that they cannot avoid and hard to change. I think just simply avoid them because that is what I always do, but if you still intend to be friends and have conversations then try to get them to different direction like for example a different kind of topic right before they start asking you for your personal stuff. Good luck and have a nice day
1 person likes this
@western_valleygirl (1363)
• United States
20 Dec 10
I was telling my mother about this issue, because she knows the one that I went to school with, and her family, and she said the same thing as you, that that is most likely the habit that she developed...I don't know.
As many of you mentioned, trust is the major issue here. And I don't trust either of them.
Thanks!
@ganeshprabhuk (1722)
• India
19 Dec 10
Even I am of the same nature whom I cant stand with nosy friends. I try to be away from them as far as possible. Its contagious and they should be aware about it and stay away from us right.
1 person likes this
@western_valleygirl (1363)
• United States
20 Dec 10
Yes, I try and stay away from these types of people too. It is just that because I haven't had any real "issue" yet with either of them, that I have not been able to end the relationship (unlike with a few others that did start an issue, and I was able to stop speaking with them).
@garychie (157)
• Philippines
19 Dec 10
I had this issues before with a friend. We were friends since high school days. Like you friends, she is telling me her life tales and dramas too not knowing it was her trick to get information about my life. Last 2008, before I got married, she kept asking about my life with my partner etc. etc. and asked more questions when I got married. So counting her as a friend I told her every ups and downs I have with my relationship. It was too late when i knew that she spread the information she got from me to other people. I was furious that I ended our friendship face to face. If I were you, you should tell your friends directly that your life is not an entertainment.
1 person likes this
@western_valleygirl (1363)
• United States
20 Dec 10
This is exactly what happened to me with another "friend". She betrayed everything I said because she was just digging for information all along. I hope that I am able to deal with them the next time around. :(
@Floberta (17)
• United States
19 Dec 10
Neither of these people sound like real friends. You sound like a very nice person, but sometimes nice people are TOO nice. I would simply tell them that you are not interested in sharing details of your life. If they persist, just refuse to tell them what they want to know and refuse to listen to any dirt about others. Steer the conversation toward more neutral topics, or even controversial ones like politics if you are so inclined. You can be nice without giving them what they want and they will probably stop bothering you.
1 person likes this
@western_valleygirl (1363)
• United States
20 Dec 10
Thank you! You are so correct. I am too nice, and I have a hard time dealing with these types of people because of that.
@jacky9538 (78)
• China
19 Dec 10
nosy friend? If you're in trouble with dealing with friends like these, why not tell lies to questions concerning your personal life? or you can think about other ways to approach the problem. But actually friendship is not something as you stated above. After reading articles of friendship or love, I now see another aspect of friendship, doubt, untrust, worry. Like Lockfella said, no one can be trusted except yourself.
@western_valleygirl (1363)
• United States
20 Dec 10
Yeah, that is something I might need to consider. Sometimes, I am just evasive. But, when I am put on the spot, I always answer truthfully. :(
That good habit, is a bad one. LOL
@kingparker (9673)
• United States
19 Dec 10
Well, if you don't like that person so much, why not distant her, and avoid to contact with her again. Don't you find her annoying by asking all these personal questions? I just won't want to talk to those persons ever again. That is all, period.
@Kalyni2011 (3496)
• India
27 Jun 11
If i were you, i will just avoid and keep any kind of contact, whether it is over phone, email or yahoo chat, soon you will see, they keep quiet and stop poking into others personal matters, i think it is the best thing one can do lol.
Thanks for sharing
God is great, have faith in him, I wish you a nice day ahead.
Kalyani ‘Namastey’. .
@vanner007 (24)
•
19 Dec 10
you have the right to naysay them, if you really think they are entirely not your kind of friends.
you should make the choise when the question come to big and stop it at right time
or you can try to talk to them about what you have thought and express everything straightly ,that maybe the wise way to solve this problem.
Hope you have a nice emotion
1 person likes this
@ivehadit (1)
• United States
30 Dec 12
I understand your dilemma - I had to deal with a friend that snooped into my rooms that were sealed off - through my drawrs and closets and even my mail. When i confronted her she laughed and continued to do the same stuff. I just couldn't take it anymore and ended the friendship after one last confrontation that ended badly.
If friends cannot respect your privacy - they are not friends - they are nosy people that can't help themselves and you don't need them in your life. If a friend creates stress why have them around?
I would suggest telling them (when contacted) that everything is great in your life and leave it at that - don't see them or contact them and keep the conversation short and informal.
Hope that helps -
