i am not happy that i should be,god,what is happening?

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When i was young,i became more sentimental than others that are in my age. I donot like to talk to much when meeting strangers, and even with my parents. I have thought they didnot understand me,and cannot read me. And later and later, i became silent. But that is not to say i didnot have any closed friends. I like to spend more time with them ,talking, laughing,and joking. mostly all the closed friends are girls. I donot know how it happened. I never and ever talked deeply with guys, i felt uneasy when staying with them, Even i wanna be a friend of theirs. I guessed i was not funny or interesting or talktive for them. you know that? how desirable i am to be friends of them! After finishing graduation and going to work, i donot like to spend time with girls in company or even guys. no,not "donot like", just afraid of being excluded by them, so i think staying kind of distance is a good choice for both of us. Today, is a horrible day. i didnot have good mood because of unconfidence which is much stronger than that in any day. i cannot deal with things of job very well, i cannot communicate with workmates from different departments. And...well, lots of " and " i suck?