I've never experience the essence of Christmas

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Since I was kid until I grew up I never experienced to be with my father in Christmas.I didn't find how special is the Christmas,but I still do celebrate but it lonely and sad.It's really have to grow up without father who will send you to school,help you in assignment, put your remits during recognition or graduation , every special day to celebrate ,go to church every Sunday , together in the meal and most of all to greet you in the day of your birthday with his presence.I have complete family yet incomplete.Because his not with here,anytime.But the most painful,during Christmas he is far apart from us.I appreciated his sacrifices for us, to be able provide our necessities and needs.But,I want him with us.