Is it really ok for a girl to court a guy?
By zaga_cleuth
@zaga_cleuth (1407)
Philippines
December 20, 2010 11:22pm CST
Well, it's been a question of too many, but still until now nobody has put a period on it. Honestly, personally speaking, that seems awkward for a girl like me, but there are times that I wanna try and give it shot so that a guy will finally recognize me.
Does it mean that I'm just acting so pathetic or because it is really better to be the first one to chase after boys?
Sometimes it feels like it will lessen my reputation or principle. So what I'm always doing is waiting. We all know, especially women, though we have lots of suitors there still be somebody whom we really like and love which is not a included to that number. I might say, it is really hard to turn down all the boys chasing after a girl just because she's not yet sure if someday the guy she truly love will love her back. So in return, they keep on letting those suitors to chase her, and wait 'til the time will tell "who will be for whom". Have u ever experienced that? I'm actually stuck to this kind of situation. And honestly, I don't know what to do.
4 people like this
13 responses
@GloomCookieLex (6073)
• United States
23 Dec 10
Yes, women absolutely can pursue any mane she wants. There is nothing wrong or improper about it.
And no, not all women have lots of suitors to choose from. I never once had a man after me. Never once. If I hadn't gone after the man I wanted, I would likely die alone.
@zaga_cleuth (1407)
• Philippines
25 Dec 10
Wow. I think there's a good story behind your comment. I agree with you. The result may not be as good as your story, but I'll still give it a try.
@DARSHAN_SPI (88)
• India
21 Dec 10
WELL ITS 20th CENTURY DEAR. SO WAKE UP!!! TO BE FRANK WITH U AS MUCH AS A GUY HAS FREEDOM TO RUN BEHIND GALS SO DOES A GAL HAVE IT. WELL ITS NOT LIKELY THT ONLY BOYS SHOULD FALL IN LOVE ON SEEIN A GAL. Y GALS CAN'T FALL FOR A GUY IS IT?!SO CHILL AND RELAX. ITS NOT A MISTAKE WHICH CAN BA CALLED CRIME THT U HAV COMMIITTEED
@zaga_cleuth (1407)
• Philippines
23 Dec 10
Yup. It's never a crime to fall in love. Nobody even teaches us how to love.
@laydee (12798)
• Philippines
22 Dec 10
It may be logical to start chasing men, however, we all know in the long run that we'd like someone to just decide on us instead of us doing all the deciding (if you know what I mean).
I also had the same thoughts as you did but I know myself more and I wouldn't really be happy if I was the one who started courting my partner. Yes, it'll be fulfilling to get the one you want, but are you really sure you're the one he wanted? or were you just someone who came. Further, how would it feel if you'd overhear him say "she courted me, I didn't have anyone that time so I said YES". Errr, rudely insulting right?
So, I think I'd just let them do the courting. I may not be the most patient person in the world, but if love calls for patience then so be it. :D There may be changes in the world today (a lot of it) but I'd stick to traditionally ideal in this case.
@zaga_cleuth (1407)
• Philippines
23 Dec 10
I like the idea. Thanks for sharing your thoughts. There's no wrong in doing the traditional. It is actually the safest thing to do. Because aside from it is tested, it is also what the society had adopted.
@sender621 (14894)
• United States
21 Dec 10
It used to be traditional for a girl to wait for a guy to make the first move. times and society have changed a lot over the years. The tales are turning on the guys now. it is becoming more and more acceptable for a girl to go after the guy. there are no set rules anymore. Anything goes!@zaga_cleuth (1407)
• Philippines
23 Dec 10
Yes you're absolutely right. Honestly, what I really like about the generation now is all things are open. Rules of old ages are broken. Although it is somewhat they say being so arrogant, the world has nothing to do with it.
@visavis (5934)
• Philippines
21 Dec 10
From your topic title I can answer straight away that I never say OK for a girl to court a guy. Yes it is happening in western and other part of the world, part of other countries still exist other way such as arranging, pre-nutial marriage and the traditional way of courting. I know that due to moder ways some are thinking both gender are equal in all aspect but for me still there are various ways that men should be ahead from women. Women would not be accepted but the reality and must be are there in all aspect of life - men should be stronger.
If the girl is the one give initial action of courting, I consider that girl is cheap sorry my friend that's my opinion only... The desent action of a woman should wait on the courting of a man. LOL see you around
@zaga_cleuth (1407)
• Philippines
23 Dec 10
For me, it's not about who is stronger or who is weaker? It's about how people accept the reality that some things are meant to be. Though in some instinct boys overpower girls it is because we are stuck to the idea that man are created first before woman. (Story of Adam and Eve)
I understand your side Visavis, but I don't think that a girl who tries to court a guy is cheap. We cannot judge a person through his/her action. Even in other sense, not just in courting. Because we cannot just tell that because she courted a guy she's cheap, or just because she is a baby maker, a tricycle boy, a hosto or whatsoever, she/he is cheap. That is one of the culture that people must remove to their thinking.
Things are happening for a reason, and whatever their reasons are, we know or we might not know, we have no rights to tell who are them. We cannot just define the person by just sitting and looking at them. It is their virtue, their principles and their ideas.
Sorry, but one thing I really hate is reading or hearing how people tend to be so prejudice. We must understand that we are not made for our own knowledge. We are really intended to understand others situation too.
Anyways, thanks for the response.:)
@ShepherdSpy (8544)
• Omagh, Northern Ireland
21 Dec 10
I think I'd not be the first one to think and say you should go right ahead and make a Move,telling this guy how You'd like to go out with him for a coffee or a drink,or something..If He hasn't shown any interest by now (How Long Have You known the Guy?) He may be interested in someone else,or have some other reasons for not making the first move with You..at least in this way,Your question of "What If?" will be answered and you'll be able to move on,either with this Guy,or to someone who You'll discover to be interested..Good Luck!
@zaga_cleuth (1407)
• Philippines
22 Dec 10
We're good friends and I'm kinda scared of losing him if I'll be the one to take the first step. Maybe, it seems easy for me to take him out, ask him for a cup of coffee or maybe to watch a movie, but it is difficult for me to say something I want to say.
I sometimes want to take the chances when we are together but everytime I start to do something or say something, I don't know but the situation always stop me.
@mommyboo (13174)
• United States
21 Dec 10
Of course it's okay lol. This isn't 1920 you know, girls are not 'kept in hiding' until they 'came out' at a party when they turned 12 or 16 or whatever it was.. along with chaperones and dance cards and making sure nobody wandered off alone and kept 6 inches inbetween while dancing.
If you're asking whether it's okay to pursue someone you're interested in and ask him out or to get together, sure, why not? I never think it's a good idea to sit around waiting for people, if you do that, you may waste your whole life waiting. When I was younger, if I had plans to go out with someone, I went - if he was on time. If he didn't call or was late, well, I'd go out and leave, because heck if I'm going to sit around waiting. If the guy didn't like that, well, he didn't own me, and next time (if there was even a next time), he'd be sure to call me or be more timely heh.
One thing that's nice is to have several good friends that are guys - friends meaning not necessarily people you want to date, but people you have a lot of fun with. Guys tend to compete with each other, so it might be a way to meet people if you are on the shy side about approaching them yourself.
Think about what you want and need in a relationship. Think about the things you are willing to compromise on and things that are non-negotiable. Then.... get out there and meet people. 
@zaga_cleuth (1407)
• Philippines
23 Dec 10
Lol. Yup I'm not living in the past. Things changed and I must go with the flow. Before if the guy touches the girl's hand, they must get married. And now, since I'm living in the new generation it is really alright to be the first to move.
I have a lot of guy friends because I'm taking a course that they say must only be a boy's thing. Well, maybe the connotation that I'm tomboy or lesbian is the reason why the guy I really like doesn't even give a appreciation to me. I don't wear make ups, not interested in mini skirt. But I know to myself I'm a lady.
Though there are some who appreciates me, court me, yet it's not them that I like. I understand. But I don't think that will stop me from what I want to be and what I love. I just enjoy it when others are eager to have me. lol.
@frankiecesca (2489)
•
21 Dec 10
Of course it is - I mean personally i is down to choice and whether or nt you feel comfortable doing so but, you shouldn't let it worry you so much and if want to be the one to make a first move then feel free to! x
@zaga_cleuth (1407)
• Philippines
23 Dec 10
Thanks for your opinion frankiecesca. That really helps.
@sweetmary86 (822)
• Philippines
21 Dec 10
its a no for me. my pride wouldnt afford that and i dont want to get hurt when i get rejected. i believe guys wont take us seriously if we will be the one to court them. everything would be easy for them, no challenge at all. so personally, it would be shameful for me id rather wait for the guy to make the first move.
@zaga_cleuth (1407)
• Philippines
23 Dec 10
Does pride must be taking it's first place? Well, whatever it is. I know and I understand how you feel. That's one of the things I'm also concern of. It seems like if he refused me, probably I'll be very very very small to his eyes and as if I want to disappear forever.
Pride maybe. That's what they say it is. Though it seems to be not right when I take my pride to lead.
@RebeccaScarlett (2532)
• Canada
21 Dec 10
Where I live it is completely normal for women to show interest in a guy and ask them out. In fact, many guys are getting used to this and are getting lazy...and girls have to do all the work because men will not realize you are interested unless you walk straight up and say "I want to date you!"
Of course this does not apply to every guy! Men will still approach women too.
@zaga_cleuth (1407)
• Philippines
22 Dec 10
It seems so cool but I think there's disadvantages too. I like the idea atleast both have the right and the society has nothing to say about it.
@zenkey23 (416)
• Philippines
21 Dec 10
Hello again my dear zaga! :)
I laugh a little when i started reading your topic! But still its good! :)
Generally a guy is the one who courts a girl.
But nowadays girls are acting a bit strange because they court boys! O_O!
So nowadays for me its okay if a girl courts a boy because it is a way of showing that you really love that boy.
And dont you think when you court a boy, there is a high chance of getting him?
Know why? Its because the boy thinks that it is rare for a girl to court a boy LOL :)
If you are planning to court a boy. You must do it now! You will loose nothing! and have the chance of GAINING something! :)
And please be reminded that nowadays boys are very choosy so as a girl you must do something to have your own partner :)
And most of all if you do not do it there is a chance that you will not be able to have your own family.
Its because GUYS are the only one who have the freedom to COURT! :)
If i somewhat confuse you on my post i am really sorry :(
But i am sure that you got my point right? :)
@zaga_cleuth (1407)
• Philippines
22 Dec 10
I understand. That's one thing that makes life so unfair for women. I know, that things will appear to be awkward if it's me who will gonna take the first step. But it will be one of my greatest regret too if I won't do anything.
Sounds so confusing. But I guess it is really better for me to do something.
@zaga_cleuth (1407)
• Philippines
22 Dec 10
Wow. Thanks Brendz. It might be awkward at first but the idea that I'll never regret it after doing it, gave me fighting spirit.
