If you are in my shoe...

Philippines
December 25, 2010 7:14am CST
My boyfriend and I are planning to get married. But the problem is, he has a previous family. He is married but unfortunately, when he was assigned to Cebu, his wife started to throw him a lot of accusations such as he has a girlfriend or he is dating other girls. Thats because of the reason that he can't go home every week end. he need to spend atleast 5k once he go home. That 5K is only for fare, it does not include the pocket money which he need to give to his family. He was assigned there for 3 years. He keep on telling his wife the reason why he can't go home every weekend. He prefer to keep his loneliness and send them the money instead of going home. Until one day, his friend called him and told him that they saw his wife dating a younger man. At first he wont believe it, he observed her. But he stop making love to her. Because he somewhat feel something about her. He go back to Cebu and haven't been home for so long. One day his friend again told her that they saw his wife pregnant. They wonder why she got pregnant when he wasn't home for so long. His wife deny it but when he went home, his wife refuse to see him. Her family told him that she went to Manila. He again go back to Cebu. When he came back, he went immediately to his sister in law house where they live. and there he saw that what his friends told him is true. The worst is, she insisted at first that it was his son. But when the two of them talk, she told him the truth that it is not his son. They agreed to separate. After 2 years we meet. I already know about it. He proposed to me and I say yes. But when his wife found out about us, he keep on accusing me of the things I haven't done. My boyfriend which happen to be her husband because their marriage is not yet annulled talk to her. She said she wanted to be legally separated to him. But it's different when she text me. If you are in my shoe, what will you do? I won't give him back not because I love him that much but because he his self doesn't want to. what will I do????
5 responses
jbrooks0127
@jbrooks0127 (2324)
• United States
31 Dec 10
You are getting yourself into a very serious situation that may, or may not, work out for you. You truly need to be very careful about this and I will tell you why. I was married to my first wife for 37 years. She met this guy that pushed all the right buttons and she really thought she had fallen in love. Once I found out we separated and then I divorced her. Now he was married also. Of course they made all kind of plans for the future and he led her to believe that it was only a matter of time before he divorced and would be free to marry. Of course his wife found out and then found out who she was. In the end he not only did not get divorced but his wife took my wife to court. It was a pretty weak case and was thrown out of court but she still had to end up testifying about her relationship with him. As time went on she soon found that Mr. wonderful was also a very controlling person. That would never work with her and of course they broke up. She now lives alone and I am married again. Just be very careful about what your expectations are here because it is perhaps more complected that you can even see right now. You very well could end up getting hurt.
ganeshprabhuk
@ganeshprabhuk (1722)
• India
26 Dec 10
If I were to be in your place, I would have opted your way only. Its better to be with him and dont leave him at any cost. So I would advise to marry him.
brittle1906
@brittle1906 (35)
•
26 Dec 10
If I were you I would keep well out of this situation. Tell your boyfriend to sort out the legal situation with his first wife and then, and only then, can you start to make wedding plans. He is not in a postion to commit to you if he is still legally married to her and he has to sort this out. If you are involved as a third party this is not going to help the situation. Do not respond to her text messages and if neccessary change your phone number so that she cannot contact you. You may love him, but basically this is not your business! The two of them must decide what they are going to do and do it so that they can both move on.
Bluerain25
@Bluerain25 (812)
• Philippines
25 Dec 10
This has been what we are trying to tell you. From what you have shared with us, the attitude of the wife will be your problem. Have him cleared everything first with his previous marriage. As of the moment if you cannot let him go and have a peaceful life then you have to endure everything that you will be going through with his wife. Better yet change your number since she can only communicate with you through text. Hope everything will be alright soon.
Paper_Doll
@Paper_Doll (2373)
• Philippines
25 Dec 10
He should settle things about his first marriage before planning of marrying you. You said that his wife cheated, this could be a ground for separation. If I were you, I will stick to what is morally right. You two can't marry if he is still married to his wife.