Who is your family?
By PDBME2
@PDBME2 (1014)
United States
December 27, 2010 3:46am CST
This year has been an eye opener on who I consider family. My mother has shunned me from her life only because my husband decided to buy us a home. She has forbidden my dad in talking to me as well so he has limited our communication to e-mails because now she has taken away his cell phone. My sister is mad at me for choosing my husband instead of her when they both got into a verbal argument (both were wrong). My younger brother told me to stay away from his life after he failed to comply with a car loan I co-signed for him two years ago but just recently has wanted to find out how I am doing. I have felt like I have lost my whole family this year with the exception of my older brother but he is far away with his own issues. Anyhow I feel that although the presence of my family is practically vanished God has given me friends from all over. I had two phone calls from church members wishing us a Merry Christmas. Christmas cards from friends that live close and far away. I have my kids whom I love so much and my husband who has shared my life these last 18 years this month. My stepson has been calling me mom now more often than I ever imagined each time he visits from Arizona. I volunteer at the local school and have had more kids smile to greet me than my own nieces and nephews. I feel sad at times to know my own family has made their own weird choices but blessed to know that God has given me new family and friends. Who is your family?
3 people like this
9 responses
@islandrose (686)
• Philippines
27 Dec 10
Selfishness, jealousies are feelings that trigger anger because self satisfaction is in danger. Don't be sad if you experienced such a relationship with your family. At least the situation teaches you that such insecurities about decision making in building your own family is a lesson and mirror, that in your time, such situation must not occur again. This scenario teaches you to be more open-minded and risk taker, because our children are not our own. We, parents are just care takers of God's children. This spiritual reality is not understood by other parents that is why they tend to be selfish and insecure.
1 person likes this
@zed_k4 (17589)
• Singapore
28 Dec 10
Very , very well said .. you should receive the best response , if I can decide..
@PDBME2 (1014)
• United States
27 Dec 10
My husband says that my mom is jealous of him taking the initiative to buy us a home. I think it's true because she always complained that he did nothing for us. Now that he did what I never thought possible I thought it would make her happy but instead it formed hate. So true that our kids are not our own. Heard this so many times.
1 person likes this
@SIMPLYD (90721)
• Philippines
28 Dec 10
Just do good with your husband and kids. Don't antagonize your parents and siblings.
Show them kindness even more and they will soon realize that you are one of them. Pray for them always that they may realize the consequence of what the family has been.
A family is a family. Me, my family is my husband & child, my parents and parents-in-laws , my siblings and siblings-in law.
Cheer up! Nothing is impossible with God!
@PDBME2 (1014)
• United States
28 Dec 10
I haven't been able to do much as far as talking to them, only when my dad told me all those hurtful things did I write back something negative but then told him that I was hurt. My mom has taken the phone away from him and the last time when she did that I just hung up on her. No matter what I say she will tell my dad different. She will talk non stop, insult, then raise her voice, etc. My dad wouldn't know what is going on. My younger brother I haven't written back to him, what could I say when he is the one who had originally told me to stay away. My younger sister lives more than a mile away but we haven't seen each other since we moved.
@SIMPLYD (90721)
• Philippines
29 Dec 10
Just persevere in prayer. Time heals all wounds , just remember that.
@edigital (2709)
• United States
28 Dec 10
I enjoyed reading about your family. I was orphan when I was boy. I have no brother or sister, no uncle or aunt or cousin so I cannot understand their affection, love or madness to me. I am with my small family and a few friends and online friends. I had a desire to have sister and tried to make some but did not get any good one because everyone want money then want to cut off (lol). However, online friends not bad to think as a family to me !!
@PDBME2 (1014)
• United States
28 Dec 10
I think the biggest blessing is having those around me who see the struggles I go through daily in my world over here. I see myself doing so much for everyone, that looking at the whole thing was like buying their love. When it came to jeapordizing in keeping my family together I had to make choices. Paying my brother's car not took from my family, watching my sister's kids while she went out took time from my own family, as well as financially helping out sometimes. My mom put a strain on my expectations on my husband. If I have expectations I want them to be my own not hers.
@sid556 (30959)
• United States
27 Dec 10
Hi PDBME,
I'm sorry that your family is being so hateful. I can't even imagine. My family is small and not without problems but we are all close. My parents have passed away. My mother was a bit like your mom from the sounds of it but my father would never have let her order him not to talk to me. It just would not have worked for her. I am glad that you are surrounded with good friends who can in some situations be just as good if not better than family. I do hope, though, that at some point you and your family can make ammends. Good luck, PDBME and Happy Holidays!
@PDBME2 (1014)
• United States
27 Dec 10
I am sure that one day I will look at all of this as just a moment of my life but for now it kind of hurts. Kind of I mean because I have always done everything for everyone but I guess I made myself miserable. When it comes down to it I guess I couldn't do no more. Having my younger brother write me makes me think that things might get repaired but now I don't know if I'm willing to go by their rules anymore.
1 person likes this
@sid556 (30959)
• United States
28 Dec 10
I think things will get better for you. I think that sometimes it is good to take a break from family. It gives you a chance to grow and figure out what you want in ife. I did not go by the rules...not at all and much to my family's dismay. So they were mad at me for a little while and then they liked me again...bottom line is they were right but i have no regrets. I learned that they were right rather than mind them and wonder. Live ^ Learn.
@zed_k4 (17589)
• Singapore
28 Dec 10
Hello there PDBME , nice to see you in myLot .. I don't think I've answered any of your discussion before and if that's so , let this be the first of many yeah.
I've read your situation and I must say that you are such a brave person having to go through this all. Hang on there and stay focused. Things will work out their own way no matter what. Just be patient and be happy with your husband. People's minds are made up no matter what , so you don't let those unhappiness (if any) get to you , aite. Take care and have a nice day. Nice knowing you here by the way.
I've read your situation and I must say that you are such a brave person having to go through this all. Hang on there and stay focused. Things will work out their own way no matter what. Just be patient and be happy with your husband. People's minds are made up no matter what , so you don't let those unhappiness (if any) get to you , aite. Take care and have a nice day. Nice knowing you here by the way.@PDBME2 (1014)
• United States
28 Dec 10
I don't see it as bravery but sometimes failure to find the solution to something. It's hard when I know my mom is developing Alzheimer's but my dad is scared to face the fact that he needs help. Whatever she says is reality even though in no way possible it can be. For example she dated the president of Mexico. By the way thanks for answering this discussion it has helped me deal with my mixed up mind lately.
@interactivelearning (451)
• United States
27 Dec 10
Please Don`t Feel like your alone, Our Stories are very similar almost identical in some ways. I just signed up for this website, So I am still learning but I will post my story, Normally I would not post my story but you have given me the inspiration to do so. One thing I noticed is the Holidays can be extra depressing for lots of people. It has actually been proven more people get depressed during this time of year. I used to live in Arizona as well. To answer your question who is my Family, My Father and Brother, Other Then that I have no family. Please just take it one day at a time thats all we can do and believing in a Higher Power helps loads of people
Be Safe and God Bless You and Everyone else who was kind enough to reply to your post
@sweetmary86 (822)
• Philippines
27 Dec 10
the same family i had since i came to this world and i dont know when im going to have a family of my own. maybe a few years from now. i wonder what its like but i think it would be messy.lol
@visavis (5934)
• Philippines
27 Dec 10
Your situation is little comflication I hope to settle down that issue soon, but glad you found a new family. I'm little lucky because all my family are complete and have good communication to each other. Every year we are making re-union to our parents house because we are all far away to our parents with own family... see you around
@maryjane41 (90)
• Abbeville, Mississippi
27 Dec 10
i know how you feel. my family has disowned me also. why because of my boyfriend. but i decided that i needed to be happy in my life. one day my family will wake up and reliese that. and when your family gets over their hurt pride and reliese that you need to be happy and that it was your turn in a house of your own. and tell your sister that you were not chooseing sides that both of them were wrong. and letting family members borrow money or co sign is a no no. they always think that they do not have to pay it back or you can pay the loan. your family will come around. just give them time.
@PDBME2 (1014)
• United States
27 Dec 10
My older brother is in the same boat with my mom, she doesn't like his wife. We often talk about our parent's never able to accept the fact that we grew up and had our own families. My mom would tell me with mad satisfaction that I would get the same with my own kids when they got married. I would like to do what my mother in law does, is try to keep a distance but still be a part of the family. She tries her best to stay out of any issues we might have.
