In law and husband problem
By parveen86
@parveen86 (101)
December 28, 2010 12:37am CST
My husband used to take me out and keep me happy but now he just doesn't bother at all since his mum had go at us one day when we got back because we had been gone 3 hours. I hate my life now, she's always nagging me, have you done this, have you done that when it's got nothing to do with her when I do my own stuff. The problem aswell is that my bro in law and his wife are always always arguing with my mum in law and when ever my sister in law argues with her she always gets the support of her husband. His mums always nagging him to work 7 days, I stay quite al the time but do think that if he's going to work 7 days what's the point him marrying me. Were always arguing now, he's told me off from shouting at his mum but he never understands my predicament and why his mum needs to be told off. My bro in law is always always telling her off at times for no reason because he knows that she makes an issue out of nothing. For example I once told my mother in law that going to make a call because can claim benefits, to inquire, I forgot I mentioned it to te wrong person, her usual response would have been o dont people claiming benefits get there houses under mortgage that's how government gets the money paid hor secretly blah blah blah, she thinks just cz she's older she knows better,but my brother said who have you mentioned it too she's gna raise the roof. My mother in law replied no I think It's a good idea but once he left she dug into me about it. I expect my husband to help me out, i really respect my bro in law for always sticking up for me but he's busy with his own life, any way I expect my husband to be mire supportive, take me out, buy me stuff I don't care if his parents think it's a care of money but I like my make up. I do llove my husband but lately just feel as if were drifting apart. I don't know what to do. He's not willing to leave his parents ever.
6 responses
@zandi458 (28102)
• Malaysia
28 Dec 10
Sorry to hear that you are unhappy with how your MIL treats you. As long as you and your husband are still staying under one roof with your MIL, she will always consider her son, your husband, as her little boy and would want the best for him. She refuse to surrender her clutches on him even though he is already married. You husband is torn between his love for his mother and his wife. When he listens too much to his mother, you feel neglected and when he shower you with gifts your mother in law doesn't like it. This situation can only be peaceful if you have your own house then you'll be free from your in-laws interference.
@parveen86 (101)
•
29 Dec 10
You could be right there, when ever he returns from work my mother in law doesn't give me a moments chance to even ask him what he wants to eat, she starts moaning and saying put him dinner put him dinner hurry up, it drives me crazy and stressed out, I find my self rushing to make hubby something before mil starts talking but it results in arguing bcd hubby doesn't have fixed time and sometimes he's ate so he gets angry as to why I put him food when he isn't hungry.
@shia88 (4571)
• Malaysia
28 Dec 10
Hi,
Sorry to hear about your condition. I believe you need
to have a good chat with your husband. No matter what you are
his wife and he has to show some respect and care to you.
Do you guys stay under the same house with your mother-in-law?
SOme mother in law like to interrupt his son's life be it they have
got married and it is when your husband have to be firm on what he wants and
what he wants to do.
He can't just listen to his mother all the time and ignore his own wife.
Both of you are husband and wife,and you guys should work out together
to build a happy family ,instead of keep listening to his mother's
nagging.
If you guys stay together with your mother -in -law,then maybe you guys can
consider to move out to have own space and privacy.
@parveen86 (101)
•
28 Dec 10
Thanks for the comment, I just feel as if I keep living there me and my husband are going to end up splitting up and I don't want that
But if I keep bugging my husband well keep arguing day and night again. I'm not talking to him at the moment
@aprilsong (1884)
• China
28 Dec 10
Sorry to hear your problems.I think evey family got its own problems,big or small. And among all the problems,the toughest is the problems between a woman and her mother-in-laws.And between these two women,there is a man,who is the husband to one woman and the son of the other.So how can the two women go along with each other depends very much on this man.
I think you should communicate with your husband enough.To let him know what is on your mind.And also try to understand your mother-in-law.we are not stone-hearted.
Wish you can get along well with your in-laws soon.
@parveen86 (101)
•
28 Dec 10
Please don't get me wrong I do understand where my husband is right and as a son is stuck but what gets me is that my bro in law is also the son but he has no problem with sticking up for his wife when his mums wrong plus my sista in law and mother are always always arguing and my sister in law has always been so lovely to me and others it is just with my in laws so It can't just be me
@nanayangel (7879)
• Philippines
28 Dec 10
Hi there Parveen 86!
I'm sorry to hear about that. It's hard to live with people who are just so hard to get along with. This is one of the main reasons why when someone marries, it is best to move out, and live on their own so that they can learn about married life and having a family as they experience it and be themselves in the process. I think the best thing to do is to convince your husband that you should move out and live in your own. You do not necessarily have to buy your own house but you can just rent while you're saving for one.
@parveen86 (101)
•
28 Dec 10
I keep telling him that bur he says that as he's the younger son the younger son in Asian communitys live with the parents so if we do end up moving out it might not help as they might move out with us and the worse thing is that if I try to stop them it will cause lot of problems with me and my husband plus the community talks saying she threw in laws out if after they moved in I asked them to leave or the tension got too much to bear
@shattered (1728)
• Philippines
28 Dec 10
That is indeed a problem. When you get married you should move out of your parents house. Otherwise there will always be friction even among the most docile human beings. There will always be characteristics that will annoy us.
Try to talk to hims sincerely and tell how you feel about living with his parents. It would also be good to consider whether you are capable of living away from his parents home.
Just my thought
@pepita (15)
• Philippines
30 Dec 10
I learned that couples after the wedding must learn to leave their parents and start a new life together. Although leaving our parents/in-laws does not mean disregarding the command to honor our parents, it is necessary for couples to have a life of their own in order to cleave to each other. I suggest you find a house and build your own home with your spouse.