I talked just long enough to get depressed.
By bonnie
@bunnybon7 (50973)
Holiday, Florida
January 1, 2011 9:24pm CST
or is it just a case of "the grass is always greener elsewhere?" Here lately my son that i live with's dad calls more and more. I dont know if its because he had a lung surgery because of cancer last summer or if he really is just liking to talk with me more. Hes my first husband and hes went on for 37yrs with his wife he has now.
they have had 3 kids together thats grown also and we had 3 together. His wife has always been a little jealous of me. or maybe a lot?
anyway, he knows most of the time my son is not available and son has said hes never called so much before. Somehow, he always seems to be making suggestive remarks. like, remember when and i think if this or that hadnt occured we'd still be together. im always building up his wife and their relationship about how shes been all that to him all these years, etc, cause i like that we can still be friends. then he says things like, well shes gone right now and im glad you are the one i got to talk to, etc. Now im thinking after all these yrs, this man is flirting with me. but im not feeling right about it. then, i start thinking of the good things and that first time you are totally in love. and how things might have been if i'd have stuck it out. but i was very young and so was he. This wife he has been so different with. quit drinking, went to church, worked hard, and didnt let his mom run their life. they have a free and clear home in ohio they own. their kids live right next door. they are never alone. with no one to help them. im alone this whole holiday because son said her family is going to be away and its the first chance they've had to be totally alone together. All in all i was feeling somewhat sorry for myself anyway, since son called this morn and said he wasnt coming home till in the morning. so thats like 2 nights and days alone. 
then i got depressed because of all this. asking Gods WHY??? why am i the one with no home, hubby died and its the only real thing that was great in my life and heres all these ex's with someone, plus their own home, etc. things like thats depressing. now i got to go figure what will cheer me up. lol. maybe have more of that pie i made. haha, what do you think?
they have had 3 kids together thats grown also and we had 3 together. His wife has always been a little jealous of me. or maybe a lot? anyway, he knows most of the time my son is not available and son has said hes never called so much before. Somehow, he always seems to be making suggestive remarks. like, remember when and i think if this or that hadnt occured we'd still be together. im always building up his wife and their relationship about how shes been all that to him all these years, etc, cause i like that we can still be friends. then he says things like, well shes gone right now and im glad you are the one i got to talk to, etc. Now im thinking after all these yrs, this man is flirting with me. but im not feeling right about it. then, i start thinking of the good things and that first time you are totally in love. and how things might have been if i'd have stuck it out. but i was very young and so was he. This wife he has been so different with. quit drinking, went to church, worked hard, and didnt let his mom run their life. they have a free and clear home in ohio they own. their kids live right next door. they are never alone. with no one to help them. im alone this whole holiday because son said her family is going to be away and its the first chance they've had to be totally alone together. All in all i was feeling somewhat sorry for myself anyway, since son called this morn and said he wasnt coming home till in the morning. so thats like 2 nights and days alone. then i got depressed because of all this. asking Gods WHY??? why am i the one with no home, hubby died and its the only real thing that was great in my life and heres all these ex's with someone, plus their own home, etc. things like thats depressing. now i got to go figure what will cheer me up. lol. maybe have more of that pie i made. haha, what do you think?5 people like this
12 responses
@ANTIQUELADY (36440)
• United States
2 Jan 11
Good morning, Bon. Sounds like to me u are having one of what i call 'my pity parties', lol. Men just kill me. They think they still have it no matter what they do to u. I wouldn't bother wasting my time talking to him. Bet he doesn't call & talk when his wife is home, lol. Men,grrrrr. Does son have a new girlfriend? Count your blessings, bon & remeber the past is just that, the past & nothing u can do to change it. Hope u have a better day today. hugs.
2 people like this
@ANTIQUELADY (36440)
• United States
2 Jan 11
I'm glad he has a new gf. Glad u like this one to. I would like to hear my ex just admit that he's the one that destroyed our marriage w/his drinking & all thet goes along w/that but i'm not going to hold my breath waiting for that to happen. It would make me feel better & i 'might' could forgive him after all these years.
@bunnybon7 (50973)
• Holiday, Florida
2 Jan 11
and so iam. yes, im glad son has the new gf. maybe the one in NY. will let go now. anyway, this new one seems very nice. she still lives 50 miles away but that should work most of the time. yep, men can sure cause you to have those "pity parties"
i really think his conscience is bothering him these days because of how he destroyed our relationship. 
1 person likes this
@Hatley (163776)
• Garden Grove, California
2 Jan 11
hi bunnybon I think I can sort of feel for you as not having a home has been burning inside me since Nov. of 2008 when my son lost his job
and we were evicted as here it is 2011 now and although my son has a part time job now its not paying enough to accumulate the money we would need to once more rent an apartment and be able to pay the rent and thus have a home again. I am so tired of this retirement home where I do not get to dp anything for myself but mylot. I do not want or need to be pampered I just need to make my own bed,wash my own clothes and take my own meds and be independent again.Maybe some elderly people like having everything done for them but thinking but I do not. And the getting up at 6 am is asinine indeed. okay rant over.lol
independent again.Maybe some elderly people like having everything done for them but thinking but I do not. And the getting up at 6 am is asinine indeed. okay rant over.lol 1 person likes this
@bunnybon7 (50973)
• Holiday, Florida
2 Jan 11
i know. even living with son is not like having my own place. still i keep forgetting how much worse it is for you and some others. what the heck is wrong with those people.
at your age you should be allowed to get up when you please. its not like you have a job to go to or some pressing business to get done before the day is done. you can rant any time you want to us. thats what i like about mylot. people here will sympathize with us and give us ideas. 
at your age you should be allowed to get up when you please. its not like you have a job to go to or some pressing business to get done before the day is done. you can rant any time you want to us. thats what i like about mylot. people here will sympathize with us and give us ideas. 
@Christmas2006 (1661)
• United States
2 Jan 11
I have a friend that her ex calls her everythime he gets a new Medical diagnosis. Like she needs to know this.
I think men have PMS worse then women! They start at 45 and mellow at 55! 50 is the worst! I think most new wifes are jealous of the exwife! The husband doesn't help it any, they compare! I remember once telling my husband I was NOt......!!!!
Enjoy the pie! Glad to hear son has a new girlfriend! Happy new year to you!
@Christmas2006 (1661)
• United States
3 Jan 11
Well, the year is only starting and I am already BROKE!!! However, even though I am starting out broke, it is with bills PAID!
I know there will never be another man! I have made my friends promise me they will kidnap me if anything happens to my husband and I ever got that "IDEA" again!!!
I liked TN answer! WOW she is smart!!!!!
@bunnybon7 (50973)
• Holiday, Florida
2 Jan 11
Happy new year to you to girl. i sure hope its going to be a good one for some of us thats had it so rough. 
oh yes, ive had one that used to compare. got so tired of listening to it. then, i had one that i told, just go back to her and give me a break. and he said give me a rope and i will. i was surprised. when he explained, we were both laughing and the fight was over.
@gabs8513 (48686)
• United Kingdom
7 Jan 11
Hi Sweetie
I can get like that to, I think sometimes if I would have stuck to canceling the Wedding I would not have ended up in the Marriage I did for 21 years but................then I would not have the 2 wonderful Children that I have ...........I would not have had the Joy of my Children
So every time I look back at things I always think, yes but there was a reason
Only 2 things in my Life I can not understand and what the reason was but well I might never get my answers on that one
So Sweetie .................think of what you have got not of what you haven't
As for the Ex Flirting with you put a stop to it as it seems he is playing Games
Big Hugs to you
@bunnybon7 (50973)
• Holiday, Florida
9 Jan 11
and i think for sure you are right. also about the kids. if id not married him i wouldnt have the 3 wonderful kids with him. Gissi looks so sweet and wise. you've done a good job. just like coco and I
@CatsandDogs (13963)
• United States
2 Jan 11
Hi bunnybon, hon I feel your pain. I really do. You see, I can't have any children so I often wonder what's going to happen to my husband and I when we reach our old age. My husband has four sibilings and I have two and they all have families of their own and have gone on with their own lives all the while it's just hubby and I in our own little world. I envy my brothers because they have such loving kids and grandkids and have get togethers a lot with the holidays and birthdays. Hubby and I don't have that. Sure, we have a house, not paid for yet but we have a house and so does all of our sibiings and they have kids to fill their homes with and we don't. Even my ex-husband has four kids. Hubby and I wonder who to leave our things to when we leave this world. It sure as hell won't be our nieces and nephews since they don't associate with us. I'm thinking seriously of leaving it all to a humane society that does not kill. I often ask God why why why? but I know He has other plans for my husband and I although I'm getting older and older and wonder what the plan is! lol You have to laugh because it is funny and laughing makes the heart beat better. I can't tell you why things are the way they are but we all have to accept them or lose our minds. Thank the good Lord above for this day and try our best to make the best out of it. I know it's hard but it's the best answer I can give.
@bunnybon7 (50973)
• Holiday, Florida
2 Jan 11
well im glad you have your hubby to keep you good company. yes, i guess if and when we get to see our maker. we will be asking....why? thats a good idea, to leave it to animals. sometimes i think they are better then kids. just wished they lived longer for us.
@JenInTN (27514)
• United States
2 Jan 11
You get another piece of that pie and a scoop of icecream if you have it. While your enjoying that...remember. Remember why you made your choices and think about the real way your life might have been if you had done this or that. It actually can be a bit of therapy to remember the bad times but just sometimes. I know it's hard to look at the presumed perfect lives and have what you think of as imperfections in your own..but that is all perceived. Everyone has problems and issues. I bet there are reasons for him calling so much and I bet that it would be a huge problem if his wife knew. That right there is an indication things might not be as good as they seem.
@bunnybon7 (50973)
• Holiday, Florida
3 Jan 11
yes thats the same thing my son said today when he came home a few minutes ago
his dad obviously still has many problems with his present marriage as always.
@GardenGerty (160677)
• United States
2 Jan 11
I think you need to share your pie. All I know about men is that my sister has been in a similar situation. Her first hubby was a creep, though, and never a Christian. His second wife did make him quit drinking. He still will try to flirt with my sis every time he comes to help their daughter with something. I am sorry that you have to be alone. It is too bad that you cannot do something really special for yourself while your son is gone. You are generous to understand that he needs this time away with his wife.
@bunnybon7 (50973)
• Holiday, Florida
2 Jan 11
im better today. hes supposed to be home soon this morn. i hesitate to say anything to him about it as i like this new gf. shes nice and its getting him away from that awful woman in NY that visited us. 
i did do something special yesterday early and friday late. i watched videos of my kids and my late hubby John. its surprising, i can finally watch and smile about him after 8 yrs. ive got one with my son 12yrs ago for him to see when he comes home. he will be surprised.
i did do something special yesterday early and friday late. i watched videos of my kids and my late hubby John. its surprising, i can finally watch and smile about him after 8 yrs. ive got one with my son 12yrs ago for him to see when he comes home. he will be surprised. 
@3SnuggleBunnies (16374)
• United States
2 Jan 11
I understand. Nothing to feel blue about, your Son will be home soon. Your Ex well I've found that it seems when they become sick they tend to open that closed door. A relative of my MIL's husband had divorced her because she was getting sick and has very bad arthritus and to him was worthless. But when he got sick he wanted to talk with her again and for her to feel sorry for him. When years before he did not feel any compassion for her. So perhaps something on the same lines is true, he feels bad for the messed up relationship he had with you and in his own way making amends. But you are right he needs to remember he has a wife at home and you don't want to impair their relationship.
I have a slice of pie and if you have a good hobby (or myLot) find something to occupy your mind with til your Son is home.
@bunnybon7 (50973)
• Holiday, Florida
2 Jan 11
yes i did. and now he just got home and is walking coco. 
im quite happy right now. 
@dragon54u (31634)
• United States
2 Jan 11
I think you should put a stop to your ex's flirtations. It's natural to think about "what if" but his disregard for your and his wife's feelings is rather blatant. He's apparently having problems that you can't help and are none of your business and is using you to make himself feel better. Cut the conversations short--my favorite ploy is to reach outside and ring the doorbell.
Why don't you enjoy having two days all by yourself? You can do anything you want, watch anything you want, dress or undress as and where you wish, leave the bathroom door open--anything you want, complete freedom!
I understand how you feel about how well the ex is doing compared to you--my situation is a bit similar although I do have my own house and I hope I can hold onto it. He has more materials things than I do but I'm a lot better off without him. Think about the good things that happened because your ex became your ex!
@bunnybon7 (50973)
• Holiday, Florida
2 Jan 11
you are so wise and so right. today, im thinking why did i let him make me feel sad again? 
oh yes, the first day and night, i ran around in hardly anything at all after my long bath with the door open. and coco went and hid because she was afraid the bath was for her since i didnt close the door....lol.
@katsmeow1213 (28716)
• United States
2 Jan 11
This is a sad situation indeed. I can understand your feelings. He most certainly should not leave his wife, he's got a good thing there, and he needs to see that.
As for you, I think it's natural what you're going through. Your kids are grown and getting their own lives. Sure you are lonely, but you can't expect them to stay home all the time to keep you company, right? You want them to go out and live their own lives.
I think you should find like a group to join or something, maybe do some volunteer work somewhere. That way you have an opportunity to meet new people and make new friends and perhaps not be so lonely when your kids aren't around.
@bunnybon7 (50973)
• Holiday, Florida
2 Jan 11
i would join something but cant get out and around have copd. and dont drive either because i have panic attacks. anyway, im sure everyone gets down now and then. no, i know hes not leaving his wife. he knows i wouldnt be dumb enough to have him back in spite of his change. i get to mad thinking about how when i left him and he got another woman pregnant, his wife now, he changed and treated her very much better then he ever did me. and i also think hes feeling very guilty.
it just bugs me that he is in such a good situation and im alone. not fair. iam very happy for my son. after all he is with a better gf now and im glad he could go see her. no, i dont expect him to sit at home with me all the time. @sender621 (14894)
• United States
2 Jan 11
Sometimes i believe that e can talk ourselves into a state of depression. the longer we spend talking on a subject, the more stress we feel. this can put into us a worrisome and bothersome attitude and can lead us to depressionn. this is not always the case but it can happen.@bunnybon7 (50973)
• Holiday, Florida
2 Jan 11
so true. it does probably have a lot to do with attitude, the problem being whether you are an optimist or a pessimist and im afraid its easy for me to be the pessimist. i do try. anyway, everyone here has cheered me up more. thanks
@phoenix3423 (135)
• United States
2 Jan 11
Wow! You have a lot going on right now in your life. I am sorry you are going through so much. I believe you sharing your problems will make things easier for you. I think the man is flirting with you and you are being wise in not falling for it. You have so much to have to deal with now yo do not need that too. I hope you are having a better evening.
@bunnybon7 (50973)
• Holiday, Florida
2 Jan 11
yes and after all these yrs. im trying not to let him know that i really enjoy talking with him now as he reminds me of the young couple we used to be. and he even admits it was his fault, etc. but then i start thinking, how he has someone and a home of his own, etc. and how unfair it is. wondering why the one that tried to make it all work is the one without any companion now and it depresses me im better today anyway and its good to have friends here to talk with.