Just looking for some annonomys advice
@soldierswifee (198)
United States
January 9, 2011 1:01pm CST
This is a little personal to be posting on the web but maybe someone out there can offer me some useful advice from experience...last nite in bed while the hubby was sleeping i got on the laptop. I was signing up for a site and i needed a yahoo email so I asked him what his yahoo email was. Still half asleep he told me, and then quickly fell back to sleep. I pulled up his email and something caught my eye and alarmed me as it should've. He had emails sent from some sort of dating site "horneymatches.com" lol. Anyway, only 1 of the emails had been opened out of maybe 15 that were sent from the site. I confronted him this morining about it. He brushed it off like it was no big deal. He said he had too many to drink one nite and was surfing the web and this pop up came up so he signed up for it but hasn't checked it since, and that he was sorry. I don't know how to handle this, I told him it's a HUGE deal and it's not acceptable. At the same time I know how dumb he is and he does stupid crap just for the heck of it (not making it ok by any means) now he's upset with me because he thinks I'm making a bigger deal of it than it is because he didn't have any intentions when he woke up the next morning and in fact he nvr even checked the emails after that. What do I do?
2 people like this
7 responses
@owlwings (43910)
• Cambridge, England
9 Jan 11
Hmmm ... so you asked him what his email address was (and, half asleep, he told you) then you must have asked what his password was (and, presumably still half asleep, he told you). That isn't exactly how you described it, is it.
You clearly don't know what is significant and what is not in a guy's email and you shouldn't be there, anyway, if you already trust your man. In fact, it's clear that you have a trust issue overall. I suggest that you sort out YOUR OWN trust issues before you try to sort out someone else's.
2 people like this
@owlwings (43910)
• Cambridge, England
9 Jan 11
We take people strictly on what we know of them here and that can only be on how they present themselves. If you choose to take what I say as 'disrespect', then that is your interpretation, based on your own view of yourself as opposed to mine.
Yes, I am married (42 years) and have 3 children, all married themselves. I would NEVER presume to go into someone else's email without their permission (and I'd hardly call being half asleep 'permission' though he clearly thought he had nothing to hide) and, if I had their permission, I would trust their explanation of whatever I found there. I commented on your apparent lack of trust simply because, in your situation, I would have acted completely differently.
1 person likes this
@soldierswifee (198)
• United States
9 Jan 11
WOW "owlwings" thats an aweful assumption isnt it. I might have failed to mention he gave me his email password but I figured anyone with a brain would know as a generalization I asked him for his email and he gave it to me (password included)so I could sign up for something. Secondly I wasn't there snooping, I checked the inbox for the conformation email from the site I was signingg up for and forgive me but 15 emails in a row sent from horneymatches.com whatever the heck that is caught my eye as a spouse. I do believe that is my right as it would be his if he caught wind of a dating site in my email. Trust issues? REALLY? So finding emails from a dating website, which he had to sign up for to recieve in the first place is not grounds to raise an eyebrow according to you? Are you married your self owlwings? The reason I ask is because you obviously can't be, if so I wish you luck. Thank you for the total LACK OF ADVISE. I'm not looking for someone to tell me you go girl, but I am seeking real advice...either it's nothing and I should let it slide but make my point known (BECAUSE I DO HAVE A VALID ONE) or no this is something worth investigating further. Trust issues aside which I do not believe I have after several years of marriage, and trust building. NOONE WILL INSULT ME ON MY POSTS. Be respectful commenting on my discussions wings!
@soldierswifee (198)
• United States
9 Jan 11
Obviously I DO have an email myself and have had one for years and years, just not a yahoo email if you read my discussion. These sites dont just send you newsletters for no reason, you have to sign up for them which he did by his own addmission. And I do trust my husband so thanks but no thanks on your unuseful and disrespectful advice "try trusting your husband for once and your might survive your marriage" People can be nasty on here huh? Never met a bunch like you and wings down there, but I've learned my lesson not to ask for marriage advice one mylot. I don't think surviving my marriage was something I was concerned about in my post, in fact we've been married for 6 yrs and counting with two beautiful children I think we'll be okay. I was just wondering how to handle this situation, but you were no help at all please don't comment on my discussions if you intend on making comments like the above....why dont you try tact for once and you might survive in your interpersonal relationships....not so nice is it? Think before you type!
1 person likes this
@Gameslayer007 (862)
• United States
9 Jan 11
I have to agree with wifee here. She asked for advice, not angry men to ridicule her. Sheesh. This is an angry group.
@markroderick (888)
• Philippines
13 Jan 11
Well I guess we have to understand that signing up in an adult site or watching adult movies is normal for guys. Even if they are already a married guy. It is one of the nature's of guys to love to watch or surf some of the adult sites. For them it is not a big deal so you should understand. Maybe you can talk about it with him so that he will know what you really feel upon seeing some of his emails from that site.
@toniganzon (72281)
• Philippines
10 Jan 11
I think you should trust your husband. It might have just been a spam mail and you yourself said that he never opened it himself. And he admitted having signed up for it but he was not taking it seriously.
I am married too and my husband don't mind when i chat online with foreign people since he knows he can trust me and i'm doing it with all responsibility that it might not ruin my marriage.
I think you are husband has no intention of cheating on you and i think you should calm down and not bring it up again.
@Gameslayer007 (862)
• United States
9 Jan 11
I wouldn't stress out over it too much. He said he was drunk surfing . LOL. That isn't any different then drunk dialing or drunk texting. It is absolutely a bad idea to do it, but most of us do things we regret when we're drunk. It wasn't an affair with a coworker or something tangible and he apologized. He is probably putting up the "upset" as a front because he is embarrased that he got caught doing something stupid.
@soldierswifee (198)
• United States
9 Jan 11
I know your right, I asked him to unsubscribe and he did no problem. He does deserve to let this one fly under the radar, it's not the first time someone's done something dumb drunk lol. Putting things in perspective, there's so many other things that could've been done and wouldve done some permanant damage. I'm greatful I have a husband whose worst was signing up for a horney dating site when he got drunk lol. Things are cleared up now and I know he didnt have anything to hide in the first place, the truth is he probably forgot he ever even signed up for it even though he didnt say that. I just don't want him to do it again drunk or not! :)
1 person likes this
@Gameslayer007 (862)
• United States
9 Jan 11
Through good times and bad, maybe they should include and drunken nonsense.
LOL
Must men, like myself, do really dumb things. Some of these dumb things we actually hold with high regard, most we eventually realize are dumb. We may never admit it though!
@tiffnkeat (1673)
• Singapore
10 Jan 11
It is a huge deal...but he could also be telling the truth that it was nothing. You need to assess if you can trust him again. If you are willing to give him a second chance, talk it out with him. If he loves you, no need for him to be angry since he did actually sign up, so the intent was there (even though he could be drunk).
As for the email, why not let you change the password and forever be forgotten so he won't go back into the email to get to those sites. If he really is addicted to those sites, the email removal won't be able to stop him. You might then want to refer him or consider going with him for counselling.
@deebomb (15304)
• United States
9 Jan 11
You are so wrong about some of that stuff popping up. For a long time I kept getting solicitation from a lot of ladies wanting to meet me and as a woman I have never gone to one of those sites on purpose. Now they to my spam. You might ask your husband to unsubscribe from the site if it will make you feel better.
