A bit of advice?
By MildMix
@MildMix (119)
January 10, 2011 3:27pm CST
Well I think this is the first time I've ever asked a load of random strangers for advice so please bear with me (it's a bit of a long story)...
Basically, around 4 years ago I met who I thought was to be the love of my life, I'd had relationships in the past but this one was different. We had a flat together, and a kitten, and we shared so much in common but also having our own opinions. We had an amazing 2 years together, well until the last 6 months. I won't go into the details of what happened in the last 6 months, but basically it was living hell. Something happened to us that changed the whole flow, and then we both started separating from each other, trying to get away and find other people.
He then started seeing a woman he worked with who was quite a few years older than him, and we separated for good, although it was one of the hardest moments of my life.
Now, 2 years on, he's split up with her and is back in my life (although he had occasionally e-mailed me before they broke up, asking how things were and saying he still had feelings for me). I met up with him a few weeks ago and it was like the last 2 years had never happened, we laughed, joked and it was just like we were back to being best friends, and then lovers again. He said he'd never stopped loving me, and that it was proof that we were 'made for each other'. He even said the reason he split up with his ex was that she felt he had never gotten over me.
However, over the past few days he's become distant and off with me, only occasionally texting back and not in the way that he used to, begging to see me. I know something funny is up, but I can't work out whether it's because they might be seeing each other again or what.
If someone could give me a bit of sane advice to stop me going mad, it would be great.
Thanks!
8 responses
@bounce58 (17385)
• Canada
20 Jan 11
Don't you think that he was just on the rebound? After breaking up with that other woman, maybe you were just in the right place at the right time.
Or, maybe he is a bit like me. Where I still feel a close connection with all the girls that I have had a relationship with. So a few days together again, will be for all the good times in the past. Reminiscing all the positive things that happened.
And then a few more days later, would then realize and remember the reason they've broke up in the first place.
Hope he is not like this, but just in case, I hope you get home safe.
@donharis (305)
• Pakistan
18 Jan 11
Dear! Love is a deep emotion, i cant suggest that is he a cheater or a busy man, but rather i wanna inform u that your separation cant be filled by just meeting and chatting, I suggest u go and meet him occasionally, u know maybe he thinks that u were getting the idea that his temporarily girl friend have left her, and now he is alone so thats y he is back, and bcoz of this point may be he is making distance so he can clear his point, which is a wrong way of expression, but still its a fact..Go and meet him..Give Him a warm hug..Good Luck!
@dismalgrin (2604)
• United States
11 Jan 11
Ouch, I'm sorry you are going through this. I went through that and it was really rough getting away from the guy. But, I'm sure you know that ultimately that is what you must do because to stay with him and wait for him is going to tear you up more than breaking away from him will do. I won't lie, it hurts to break away from a guy like that, but you will find a guy that lives and breaths for you without all the games and you will look back at this guy and laugh that you were caught up in his games. It will all be clearer.
I had to do a clean break. I do not talk to my ex at all. And we had children together. Thankfully he dropped out of their lives too and I say that it's thankfully because he played those games with his kids too and that is really not the kind of guy I want in my kid's lives.
Keep your chin up!
@toniganzon (72517)
• Philippines
11 Jan 11
Hello!
What a sad plight you got in here. I don't want to judge anything but i'm hoping i could give a sound advice. As what i see it, he's just like using you as his comfort zone. When he can't find somebody else you are there to welcome him back and when he sees another one, he's being cold again. I am trying to read your man's mind like this: it's easy to be with you and there's not much risk!
Sorry if i sounded harsh, but that's how i see the situation in here and that man! i hope though that i am wrong. But it would be better if you could move on and find happiness with a new love.
Trust is the most important thing in a relationship and once it is broken it's difficult to bring it back. It's like a broken glass! YOu cannot mend the pieces back together.
@piperu (113)
• Indonesia
11 Jan 11
hai mildmix...
I'm gonna tell you different side story of mine, similar but not same. It seem like I am that 'other' woman. Well I met this guy at the office, I spent 1 year to company him, sharing about his problem with his family and his girl, cheers him, then I realized I too close with him, I fall in love and I can't go back. Then he broke up and we're in relationship. 1 year ago, suddenly he told me that he wanted to go back to his ex. That he couldn't stop think of her or forget her and still care of her. No matter how hard I try to hold the relationship, it's over. He's back to his ex. I still don't understand, how he can be so immature, how easy he move from one relationship to another? Because he hurt not just one heart but two, mine and his ex. And that woman welcome him back.
Now this is your heart, your love, your life. You know him better. Just choose the best for yourself. Hope you find your happiness, dear..
@lpbwmaitj4 (57)
• Philippines
11 Jan 11
If you sense that something is up, the best way to find out is to play with time.Just be patient & be observant. Eventually, you'll know the answer. And when that time comes, you have to make the right decision.
@Janey1966 (24170)
• Carlisle, England
10 Jan 11
Hi MildMix.
Amazingly, this mirrors what happened to me albeit a few years ago when mobile phones were rather large and only Yuppies had them!
As far as advice goes, well, in my case I went back with my ex and it was a mistake. This, too, was after 2 years and 6 months of those 2 years were the same as yours. HELL.
Now, I can't comment on the text messages as I don't really understand how that equates to your guy (maybe) cheating on you again BUT, if you have doubts about him at all, I suggest you go your seperate ways. Your guy may be back with you because the older woman finished with him, you just don't know the full story do you? He can say anything to get what he wants and once he tires of you, he'll be off again.
What I'm trying to say is this. No-one is perfect but the very fact you are posting this discussion suggests to me you don't really trust him, am I right? If that's the case you can do better. You're still young so have plenty of time.
@cowboyofhell (3063)
• Philippines
10 Jan 11
Please consider it normal, he's not a cheater anyway. The reality is that women's world are filled with flowers while men's world are filled with nothing. The nothingness does not mean ignorance it's just the way men are.
