What should I say to a friend whose mom just died?
By fl0rencia
@fl0rencia (414)
Philippines
January 10, 2011 7:26pm CST
A week ago, we visit my friend's mom in the hospital because she was on comatose due to heart attack. And a while ago, our friend told me that his mom already passed away. We will go to their house these weekend to visit. But I don't know what to say to encourage my friend to go on with life. It's as if he doesn't listen to anything that we say. Or at least he listens but still not enought to comfort him. Please help. :(
2 people like this
7 responses
@coldfireblade (25)
•
11 Jan 11
On times like this we always assume that those people on that situation needs somebody to comfort them. Talk with them, advise them or sometimes embrace them, thinking that we comfort them. But sometimes we dont know on the other side those people needs space, needs somtime to reflect on the problem. We always insist to be with them thinking that something might happen if we leave the.... May you can leave him for a while.. On his reflection, to be with himself.. and to be with GOD. Sometimes GOD alone is enough to relieve the pain and comfort them thru prayers... Ask him to reflect and pray..
1 person likes this
@hardworkinggurl (37063)
• United States
11 Jan 11
That you are very sorry that their mom passed and that it is important to keep her memory alive. Remind your friend that if the mother was alive she would want your friend to be happy. She would not want the person to be sad.
So it is important that your friend keeps her memory alive, by talking and thinking all the wonderful moments they shared. Say it is okay to cry and laugh about the wonderful moments as this will keep her memory alive forever in their heart and mind.
I hope this helps.
@fl0rencia (414)
• Philippines
11 Jan 11
Wouldn't that be painful to him if we keep talking about his mom's memories? Because he may think that just 2 weeks ago, he bonds with his mom and now she's gone just like that.
@hardworkinggurl (37063)
• United States
11 Jan 11
I would say no as I would want to keep my mothers memory alive and not forgotten. The tears would be of grieving and grieving is healthy. Not being allowed to grieve is unhealthy for the soul. But of course it would depend on what the discussions of the mom would be like.
I mean with this as if I can recall when when a past loved one did something silly, I would tear hoping they were here but laughed on how much fun they were.
Wish you all the best and your friends as well..
@hardworkinggurl (37063)
• United States
11 Jan 11
Forgot to add, allow your friend to lead the discussion, and then you take it from there as to provide comfort.
@dorannmwin (36392)
• United States
11 Jan 11
Honestly, beyond telling your friend that you are sorry that their mother passed away, there are really no words that are adequate to help them through this difficult time in their life. That said, instead, if you are there for them when they feel comfortable talking, you are providing them far more than just saying something to them right now. At this time, more than any other time, it is important to be a good friend.
@fl0rencia (414)
• Philippines
11 Jan 11
I agree with you. That's why I don't how are we gonna talk about it. Thanks for the suggestion. It helped :)
@starlight_starbright (810)
• Philippines
11 Jan 11
Hello Florencia,
I am so sorry to hear that. I guess this is the hardest days of his life. Some people don't want to get advise but they only need someone to listen to them. Being there for your friend would count a lot. He needs company for he surely feels alone now that his mother had left him. You may not need to say anything to him. Stay beside him and offer him a crying shoulder. He needs a good cry for him to get over the pain he is feeling. He will listen when he himself is willing to move on and look ahead for the succeeding days.
@fl0rencia (414)
• Philippines
12 Jan 11
Yes. And also, the thing is, my friend is naturally a happy person. He's even the joker to us friends. And the last time we went to the hospital to ovisit his mom, he is having a strong hold that his mom will survive this and they will be together again soon. But it's not gonna happen anymore. :(
@sweet_pea (3322)
• Philippines
11 Jan 11
Nothing. Just hold his hand or pat his back. Just be a friend for him. Your presence is enough consolation for him during this time of sorrow. Sometimes, saying nothing is more comforting.
@mtrguanlao (5522)
• Philippines
11 Jan 11
Hi florencia!
First and foremost,pray for your friend. Pray that our Lord lift her up in this time of sadness. You just have to be always there in her side as a good friend of her,talk to her always. Tell her that she should be happy for her mom 'cause she is not suffering anymore from pain and that she is already happy with our Lord.
Give her time Florencia. It's not really easy for a person to be happy at once. It takes time but in these times,always be there for your friend and always pray for her.
See you around Florencia!
@fl0rencia (414)
• Philippines
11 Jan 11
Thank you. I guess that's the best of all. No one can make him feel better but God knows what to do. I'll pray for him. Thank you.
@jujunme (2501)
• United States
11 Jan 11
The best you can do is be there for your friend and tell him if he ever needs to talk you will be there for him.Tell him how much you care and tell him how truly sorry you are that he lost his Mom. Losing a parent is one of the most heartbresking things anyone can through and it's not that he's not listening to you, it's just that he's grieving his loss and has no energy or will to talk to anyone.Also,the less you say the better,just give him the time he needs to heal without trying to force him to..
