Learning the Art of Letting Go

@screwdriver (643)

Philippines

January 12, 2011 1:33am CST

My 2011 start with a blast! It's a total whirlwind when my girlfriend for almost 6 years ended our relationship. Last December 2010, I felt that something is really not right. She's acting so differently lately. We've been together in one house since we started our relationship but then this is the first time that I've seen her like that. I felt that she dont want to see me anymore. Everytime i went home she is always mad and do things that makes me sad. She wants so many things that I am willing to give and do but its not our priority for now. Last January 3, 2011 I wanted to surprise her, so I went home early to see her because I miss her so bad that day. When I arrived home, i had a gut feeling that something bad will happen. When I opened the door, the lights in the living room was turned off and then the door from our bedroom is slightly opened. I heard someone just jump out of bed since the bed will create a squeeky sound when you moved. Then she went out and ask me why i went home early. I was so surprise by the question and the before I can give her an answer, she said "im with somebody else". My whole body was shaking and I began asking who? Then a guy from inside the bedroom came out. I didnt know him but its hurting me so bad. I've been loyal to her the whole year we've been together. I cant get the point of cheating me that way. She mentioned that she love the guy and that she was fall out of love on me. She think that as our relationship grows longer in years, she also felt that the spark is not there anymore. I began asking why not telling me all this things so I can do something about it. I cant accept the fact that she can just throw thos years away and then have this one month relationship with this guy. I just felt bad about what happened. I blame myself for what happened. So, now im so hurt and sad thing is we are still together in one house. I need to let her go. I need to find a place where I cant see her to forget. I need to learn the art of letting go. Anybody knows how????

3 people like this

18 responses

@jalucia (1431)

• United States

12 Jan 11

it just takes time. it won't help her, or your emotions, to maintain contact with her right now. it's hard to let go, especially when you are forced to do so. And, no one can give you a magical answer to get over your pain. But, I think that the best thing that you can do right now is put some time and space in between you and your ex. This new guy may offer nothing but a little excitement to her. And, that probably isn't enough to keep them together. You may find that you don't want to be with someone who would treat you like this. All of these things will come to let after the strength of these new emotions past. So, give it some time and keep your distance from her. This will help things to become more clear for you and her.

@screwdriver (643)

• Philippines

12 Jan 11

Hey jalucia, This means I need to move to a new place of my own? I am also thinking about it. I know it will not help us. But you know everytime Im at home, she always makes me feel she loved me. Sometimes she hugs me. It seems like nothing happened for her. Its seems like were ok but were not. She can easily tell me things that her new boyfriend do which really torn me apart. Thanks for the suggestion.

@jalucia (1431)

• United States

12 Jan 11

yeah, you need to move. You will never get on with your life while you are living there. And, staying under the same roof will just bring difficulty to both of your lives. She probably does care about you .. which is why she will hug you, etc. But, she is not sure of your relationship right now. Giving her space will let her figure it all out.

@screwdriver (643)

• Philippines

12 Jan 11

Hi Jalucia, Thanks once again! I agree with you. I am looking for a new place to stay now. Wish me luck!

@nereidiane024 (292)

• Philippines

12 Jan 11

hi there screwdriver! i feel you. its hard to let go of someone whom youve shared your life for six years and yet the end of it, she cheated you in your own house. as your name implies screwdriver, you also have the guts to turn the screws, why not be your name your inspiration in turning your screwed experience into something better living. i wont add up to the fire of your situation, but i advice to help yourself out of her. expose yourself outside, be busy with your work,go out with your friends or family, for she's not worth of your love. God will give you better than her who deserves you faithful love. pack your things and move out of your house and out of her life too. pray that she'll found happiness in what she'd done and though you'll start your life but dont worry your not alone, God will carry you on. :)

@screwdriver (643)

• Philippines

12 Jan 11

Hi Nereidiane, Wow! Such a nice words. You made me realized to turn my screws on. I agree my life was turn upside down when I have her. I even give up my family just to be with her but then it turns out this way. I will turn my screws on and will go the right way. Thanks for making me realized... Thanks a lot! God will surely carry me on...

@nereidiane024 (292)

• Philippines

13 Jan 11

thanks screwdriver! God bless you in all you do. dont lose hope! :)

@derek_a (10873)

•

13 Jan 11

This is a terrible time in your life, and I can fully identify with it, having been through it myself in my youth. My girlfriend and I decided to make a life together and had moved in together and everything seemed fine until a party one night when she was obvioulsy fancying this other guy and making a play for it. I'm not stupid and knew full well what was going on, but she didn't have the guts to end it with me there and then, but said it was only a bit of fun. Then she went colder and colder as the days went by until I left and then guess what... she moved this guy from the part in days after... You do get over it, and now I wouldn't change my life for the world.. Have patience with your feelings my friend, you will let go, but you cannot force it.

_Derek

@screwdriver (643)

• Philippines

21 Jan 11

Hi derek_a, Thanks for that man! I think shes inlove with this guy. Its just sad that she just gave up on me and be choose the guy over me. But on the other side, I think this is for the better since I believe that if we are still together it would be a one-sided love since I will be the one to just love her and she doesnt love me back. So thanks! I know I can do this.

@rajaiv0810 (1012)

• Philippines

13 Jan 11

Oh come over here in Iloilo City my friend is actually in the same situation. You might end up being together. She's pretty have a similarity with Cheska Garcia.

Kidding aside, OMG, what in the world are you still doing there? Pack your things and leave and find another place. If it is your place, then pack her things and throw out in the window. It is not easy to let go but to catch her red handed with another man was like she murdered you. It could have been different probably if she said only that she is in love with another guy but you didn't see him, than for a guy to come out of the bedroom. What were they doing inside YOUR bedroom? Playing scrabbles? Come on, get out of there all at once and that will be the beginning of healing. You can't let go and I'm sure you can't forgive at this time. Time will heal all the pain but seeing her every single day won't help at all. Btw, I'm pretty serious with my friend she actually need a friend now. And maybe you do too.

@screwdriver (643)

• Philippines

21 Jan 11

Hi Rajaiv0810, Hahaha.. You make me smile! well, I know! I am packing and will transfer soon. I already found a place. I'll stay with my friends apartment by the end of this month or first week of February. Please tell your friend I wanna be friend with her. Thanks.

@rainbowink (296)

• Philippines

13 Jan 11

Hi, why are you still living together in the first place? I mean common.. She cheated on you in that house! Is the house yours or hers? However busy or plain you are, she ows you an explanation. But, what for? I think what happened was you were always away. You did not have that much time with each other anymore and eventhough you're living under the same roof, communication is gone. You only said hi and hello and never really talked about the relationship and your plans together - I guess. You could blame yourself for not reaching out to her 100% but do bear in mind that it's not enough of a reason to cheat on you. Let it go. Let her go. Gout out of that place and start your new world by just going with the flow of life. It's easy for me to say but hard to do huh, but it's really true. You can move on in no time.

@screwdriver (643)

• Philippines

21 Jan 11

Hi rainbowink, Well, its our place though we're just renting but its ours. But fear not! I will be moving by the end of this month. I already found a place to stay Sad thing is the only explaination she told me is that she's in lvoe with someone else and this is the guy. Thanks for the comment.

• United States

13 Jan 11

Sometimes I wonder if individuals will ever get over past relationships. Like completely get over past relationships. Personally, I feel as if i'm a bit damage and I just carry everything over into my current relationship, but luckily my bf has plenty of patience.

@screwdriver (643)

• Philippines

21 Jan 11

Hi Jcroichy, Ive heard from a friend that even if it takes a hundred years over, there is still a small and single bit of feeling for that person. I dont know if I believe that, but i think its up to you if you will still keep it or you just want to completely get over with it.

@SimpleBB (1329)

• Philippines

12 Jan 11

Hi Screw. Sorry for what had happened to your relationship. Six years in that relationship is not that easy just to let go of your invested feelings. But one thing is sure, she don't deserve you as well as your love. Certainly, it's not that easy to forget and just jump out of that painful situation, but always remember the everything happens for a reason. There might be someone else better for you. Just let time heals your wounded heart, and in due time, eventually you will get rid of that for a new start that will lead you to happiness you long for. Good luck, just don't hold back the grudges, cast all those to Almighty and He will be the one to clear your path into a venue of new love. Happy mylotting.

@screwdriver (643)

• Philippines

18 Jan 11

Hey SimpleBB, Thanks for the comment. Yeah I know... right now, im just taking one step at a time. I know that everything happens for as reason, just like you said.

@hestylim (1210)

• Indonesia

12 Jan 11

I could understand what you felt. It must be bad. But however, it is over. And you can't do anything about that besides, walk away and move on with your life. I had been through that. What I always do when I want to let go things that I really love is to state "as long as he's happy with what he did to me, then fine. I can go on without him. I know I can. I treat him good, and he treats me bad, then.. he doesn't deserve me. I deserve someone better" If you wanna cry, just cry it out. Then let go. Tell yourself that you don't want her anymore. That you can go on and live better without her. And all those need times. You need time to be apart from all the things that can remind you of her. I know you can, friend!

@screwdriver (643)

• Philippines

21 Jan 11

Thanks a lot hestylim! Yes I know I need to move on. She is surekly dont deserve any of my love at all. I am not looking right now, but if the right one comes Ill take my chances. Thanks for sharing your thoughts and believing in me that I can do it. Thanks friend!

@aurorastorm (1131)

• United States

12 Jan 11

The very best thing you can do is to get away from her. One of you needs to move out, you will never be able to move on in anyway if you have to see her everyday. My cousin is going through something similar right now but with his wife of 18 years, really terrible situation. I don't understand why people treat each other so disrespectfully.

@screwdriver (643)

• Philippines

21 Jan 11

Hi Aurorastorm, I will be moving out so soon. Well, im glad we didnt reach that point of getting married and then find out later that she can do that. I am sad about what happened to your cousin.

@srinivas2036 (188)

• India

12 Jan 11

I really dont know what to say you. Its very difficult to handle the emotions in that situation. But one thing i can say is when there is love in your hads and she was not ready to take it from you. ofcourse you are unlucky but more than you she was unlucky for leaving you. Just take it as a challenge. And show her with your future how unlucky she was and what a mistake she has made by letting you to go away or for missing you. And chose another good girl whom you can love more as well as she loves you to.... I wish you all the best. Hope you wont react any violent. take care dude....

@screwdriver (643)

• Philippines

18 Jan 11

Thanks srinivas2036!

@m422698134 (39)

• China

12 Jan 11

Hello,S!In my opinion.This girl isn't worthy of your love.Just give your love to right people!If you're good to others,others will treat you like this too.If you're good to others good enough,but others treat you bad,you just not treat her well! Giving your love to the people who needs!

@screwdriver (643)

• Philippines

12 Jan 11

Thanks m422698134!

@jacquericauy (81)

• Philippines

12 Jan 11

letting go of someone is really difficult.. it only takes time for you to be able to let go of the person.. and yes not seeing the person will help you a lot to move on and let go.. it is such a painful thing that has happened to you.. all you have to do is to let your heart heal.. time heals all wounds..

@screwdriver (643)

• Philippines

12 Jan 11

Hi jacquericauy, I agree! I am still looking for a new place to stay. Its hard to find one. A good one. Maybe there is a reason for everything. I wanted her to get out of my system as it also bothers me and my job. Its affecting everything in me. I just so love her with all my heart. I just thought she is the right one for me but not.

@atprudente6 (673)

• Philippines

12 Jan 11

Sorry to hear that screw. I know that letting go of the one you have loved is very difficult. I have been there once, and it really broke my heart. One thing that helps me forgot what happened is by continues prayer. I always prayed to God to help me get rid of my feelings for her. Also, keeping your self busy will help you to forget about her. So try to look for things that can keep you busy. Also you should move out of your house and find another house. In this way, you could forget about her and the feelings that you have for her. I hope you could meet someone that will help you forget about her.

@screwdriver (643)

• Philippines

18 Jan 11

Thanks arpdrudente6! I agree prayer helps. Its the only thing I did so far.

• Philippines

12 Jan 11

Break-ups can be difficult and painful, but the important thing to remember is that a break-up is not the end of the world. Sometimes a break-up can be a good thing because it will give you a chance to re-evaluate your life, and maybe even lead you to find someone more suitable. The truth is, you can move on after a break-up no matter how bad it may have been. Screwdriver, you need time. Do not rush into another serious relationship until after you have mourned the loss of your last relationship as it is not fair to your prospective new partner. the art of letting go is you must learn to forgive. Accomplish something new in your life, new environment.. I know that getting over an ex you love will always be hard, so be strong and PRAy.. Good luck.

@screwdriver (643)

• Philippines

16 Jan 11

hi wenliam, thank you so much. This is what i need.

@Thoroughrob (11742)

• United States

13 Jan 11

It will take time, but realize that maybe it was a good thing if she was doing those things behind your back. You deserve to be treated so much better. Sometimes people do not think about the other person that they are hurting when they do something like that. I hope things start turning around for you soon.

@sender621 (14893)

• United States

12 Jan 11

Letting go can be a difficult thing for some of us to do. We can hang on or let go for the wrong reasons. it can be a decision we can come to regret. We really have to consider all sides of a situation or relationship before deciding how and when to let go.

@bhabycatch013 (9150)

• Philippines

14 Jan 11

hi screwdriver, Sad to know what happened to your relationship with her but blaming yourself is not a good one if you think you have shortcomings she also have a relationship is between two (2) people, Six (6) years i can't blame you that you felt that way if the girl doesn't love you anymore she should talk to you need to do such bad things i know how you felt and it really hurts

. Letting go of someone you really love is not that easy it will never be an easy one but you need to help yourself to face another day without her though i know how hard it will be for you especially if you are still together every time you look at her you see a different girl maybe she is no longer the girl you love before. Hope you will pass all this and have a postive outlook in life. happy posting

@bikerider143 (119)

• India

15 Jan 11

it is your mistake because,she was seeking some thing special from you,may be since 2 or 3 or more months,in order not to hurt you she didn't told you. if you had really loved her,you would have understood her wants and had been satisfied her,but you failed.girls can change their relation as if they change their dress,i to had lot of experiences in this way with the girls. My suggestion for you is to better leave her away and concentrate on your life again. she can not change and come back for you any more so,leave her.