Arguing in front of the kids.
By Nadinest1
@Nadinest1 (2016)
Canada
January 13, 2011 4:05pm CST
Of course we all know as mothers that it is never a good thing to argue in front of the kids, but how many of us manage to avoid it? My mother use to say that is good to argue(to an extent) in front of kids...this way they will learn that it is normal and learn how we9the parent)resolve the problems. Kids can learn from this.
Me and my husband dont really argue all that much I would say we have small disagreements from time to time! However, sometimes these are in front of the kids simply because our kids are always around us.
I am not talking shouting matches, more like when I nag him to get a household job done or he tells me to do something rather than asks
Do you manage to avoid all arguments and disagreements in front of your children? If so how do you do it?!?
3 people like this
13 responses
@hardworkinggurl (37063)
• United States
14 Jan 11
When I was married and my children were very little I always tried to make sure that arguments and or disagreements were not in front of the children. Unfortunately the ex was not a straight minded person and could care less. So I always found quiet times and explained to the children that it was not productive for us to behave this way but that I was trying to improve our situation.
I simply got tired of all that and well he is an ex now, so no more worries. In all honesty my children do not know what it is like to have a war zone at home as leaving the ex was the best decision of my life.
It could have ended really ugly.
1 person likes this
@Nadinest1 (2016)
• Canada
14 Jan 11
Yes, I understand. My father used to rage when we were small.
Now, I am learning through therapy that any little hint of an argument or tone is not a reason to start crying....just like we did as little girls when dad flew into a rage.
It's a long process.
1 person likes this
@louievill (28851)
• Philippines
13 Jan 11
I agree with my friend macdingolinger that it's alright to let kids see how parents resolve issues without nagging , shouting, yelling and verbal abuse, think that little differences of opinions are but normal in married life, honestly I do believe that it could really be productive and constructive if handled in a right way.
1 person likes this
@celticeagle (168621)
• Boise, Idaho
13 Jan 11
Never a good idea! Living together fo many years and just having disagreements is a good thing. My situation is much different. I don't have a SO and live with my daughter and her son. I am helping her raise him. When she is in a manic phase there is some arguing and reminding her of her responsibilities because she reverts back to immature teen like activities. I always try to do it in a productive and positive manner. Doesn't always happen.
@macdingolinger (10386)
• United States
13 Jan 11
It can be beneficial for children to see parents work through issues, especially if they can do so in a reasonable fashion. They can learn how disputes and arguments can be settled while remaining civil. If there is outrageous yelling or verbal violence involved then the children learn fear instead. But they can learn very useful skills if they see their parents work through issues. This is actually much healthier than never letting them see you disagree at all.
1 person likes this
@sender621 (14893)
• United States
14 Jan 11
As parents, we ahould try not to argue with someone in front of our children.
We are better role models for them that way. Arguing in front of our children just brings added turmoil to their lives unnecessarily. We should try to find a way to solve our problems without using argument , especially in front of young and impressionable children.1 person likes this
@jessiicali (120)
• United States
20 Jan 11
There is NO way to avoid ALL arguments in front of my children. Even when they are sleeping, our house is so small, they would still know whats up. We do try NOT to yell & scream in front of them. If we have an argument, we at least will talk it out as calmly as possible, with the kids in their room & us in ours with both doors closed. We normally put them a movie on and they sit in there and watch it. I guess I'm pretty lucky though because my husband and I get along very well. In the 4 years we have been married (well, almost 3 years at the end of March) we have had maybe 3 fights screaming at the top of our lungs.
@rogue13xmen13 (14402)
• United States
15 Jan 11
It's never good to argue in front of the kids, of if you do, you better explain to them after the argument what happened of face them being worried that mommy and daddy are going to split up. I have seen it too many times, and it is the same thing. Children do not respond to it very well and tend to think that it is their fault when mom and dad start arguing.
@SViswan (12051)
• India
14 Jan 11
Though I agree that we shouldn't have shouting matches in front of children, I'm sorry to say that there have been times when my kids have witnessed ugly arguments between my husband and me. Some things are triggered off and blow out of proportion before we know it. But that's all in the past. We do have arguments in front of the kids now...but they are the mild ones where children can learn how to handle situations and not the ugly ones...which don't happen behind closed doors either. We've both matured, I guess.
@danishcanadian (28955)
• Canada
14 Jan 11
We don't have kids, but if they were around and my husband was in my face, I'd calmly tell him that he needs to speak to me respectfully, and that we should talk about this after the children have gone to bed. My parents were always arguing in front of my sister and I, and all it did was cause tension in the family.
@aprilsong (1884)
• China
14 Jan 11
Definitely it is true that arguing in front of kids is not right. But i feel it is hard to control my temper. Because i inherently is a bad tempered person. Sometimes i want very much to change it. But with little effect.
I think couple argue because of lots of reasons, but they argue more when they got too much housework to do in the house. So it is more frequent when the kids are small. And i have seen some couples divorced when their just get their babies. I don't think there will be lots of arguement if we can live easily and got much time to enjoy. So what i want to say is that after being married, we should try to understand each other, especially when the kids are small and there are lots of thing to do in the house.
@dorannmwin (36392)
• United States
17 Jan 11
Actually, my husband and myself rarely have fights and that does mean that we really don't fight in front of the kids. I can only think of two fights that we've had in the time that we've been together. The first one was before either of our children were born so of course they didn't experience that. The last one was about a year ago and though it was a brutal fight, the kids were in bed and didn't know anything of it. We do have disagreements from time to time, but we are able to work through those in a diplomatic manner.
@DLMiller (12)
• United States
14 Jan 11
You don't have to be a mother to know arguing in front of children is harmful to them. My ex-wife is a sociopath with a persecution complex. She would come home at 3am start start screaming at me about money she had lost. The kids would wake up, she'd start hitting me and spitting on me and then she'd call the cops. It was a rotten time but its good for fiction!
