How the heck do you do that?

I don't normally preach- at least I think I don't. You are going through hell but you responded to my call for help to you and many others and this helped me get through the crises of yesterday. My friend's daughter in Boston sent me the following. Before I write it I want you to know that her second child has cerebral palsy and she too has days where she finds it hard to go on. I know that I am grasshoppering all over the place now. But the bottom line is that women need women and your many friends here and privately are there to help you to just go on. Animals do react to tension and so do children.My childhood was hell because two people stayed together because of the children. It will get better for you but there will be days when you feel that you are going out of your mind with all the problems. This helped me yesterday and I hope it helps you: Hello, this is God. I will be handling all your problems and concerns today. That's my job. Your job is to give them to me, and then to trust me. Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and with thanksgiving, present your requests to God and the peace of God, which passes all understanding will guard your heart and mind in Christ Jesus. Just print it our and keep it close by you and when it seems like everything is crashing around you then read it. Well - preaching finished! I used to hate it when people said to me take it one day at a time. I wanted to scream asking whether anyone got two days at a time. But the reality is that every morning the sun rises and sets every evening. So I will duck and run but I am telling you to take it one day at a time

It takes a lot of time and patience and just plain getting older I guess...to be able to say "I don't know" or to admit you can't fix everything. You can't fix everything, so stop beating yourself up. You're ok. And when Dearra and the other kids see you're ok, they'll hang in there with you. As for Tiger...sometimes with everything we do, we lose our beloved "fur children". Right now, I'd focus on Dearra and the cat... When those issues become resolved, then I'd proceed with R. That's how I'd prioritize them, because you can't do it all. But then you could have a different priority and that's cool. Just don't try to eat the elephant...small bites for now.

I reiterate the response I made to you this morning but double it. Get it over with. The separation is in your control and staying in limbo is not doing any single one of you any favours. You have been procrastinating beyond belief. I'm sorry to be harsh but you're dancing around these really serious issues.

I never thought I could control Anything in my life. As a child i thought I was Suppose to get the worse and I was surprised when I got something good. These days I just Know that I have X amount of joy And Pain coming my way in this life. I just can never Know what will come and when. Hang in there. You are doing All you can do. Hopefully the cat will get better not worse. Ms. D will feel better and there will be a divorce in your future!

I'm sort of touch and go in this area. Sometimes I have no trouble at all not letting it affect me, other times it weighs me down like crazy! Like what I'm dealing with today. I've done what I could thus far to get a job.. and I can continue to put in applications and resumes.. ultimitely it's not under my control if I'm hired or not. It's up to the economy and businesses. Yeah, I let the rejection get me down.. after a few hours I stopped feeling so depressed and just got more determined to keep looking, though I'm still upset that I still don't know how much longer I'll go without work. I may not be as hard up as some others who've been unemployed for so long, but I am getting very desperate to get my family out of this financial situation. Mostly I think you just need to get your mind off things, which isn't always easy.

Hello Dawny. We cannot control things in our life's, no matter how hard we try. It might be easy for me to say this, but just take each day and problem as it come. You have to take care of yourself in situations like this. It won't help if you get sick as well, will it? It will get better and all the problems will go away or get solved, you just have to believe it. TATA.

Dawn We can not make everything better and work miracles some things we have to have patients with and try our best and that is all we can do I really hope that Dearra and Tiger get better soon Hugs to you

just change the thing you can. seems hopeless sometimes but me if I cant do any thing about it I dont! no stress

I hear ya and I'm some what a control freak. I understand you have alot on your plate now and it's not easy. Especially the things you have no say and no control over or even some sort of resolution to solve everything. But you are doing all that you can do get things to where they need to be you can't do more than you are able. Others have to make their choices as you mentioned w/ Dearra you have done your part it is up to her to take the nest step.

I can foretell what will happen if you do not follow the acceptance of the things you cannot change. Things will only get worse and if you keep stressing about this your health will start to fall apart. You know the answers, you stated them clearly now follow what you know, the world goes as the world goes and tell yourself to look at what is being gained by going through this rough time. Your cat will do what cats do, your daughter is growing up and this is not easy, just support her. Your marriage may not be over, there may be more work needed, remember the relationship between you and the Father of your children is not over it is just changing and this is always a stressful situation. Whatever you think, feel or dream is going to come about due to the divorce is in the future, leave it in the hands of your higher power and just take care of each day as it comes. Blessings to all

Let's see if I can put my thoughts together on this. I used to be such an internal stress ball - stressing about even the littlest things. In my adult life, I read a similar quote - and somehow the lights turned on to help me deal with stress. It wasn't exactly about accepting the things I couldn't change . . . the quote said something in the lines of not sweating the things that were out of my control - simply because there was nothing I could do about it. As far as "accepting", I can accept, but it doesn't necessarily mean that I like it or have to like it. And that's how I can be "ok" with that . . . does that make sense? Hope the weekend is treating you better and next week will be a better!!

Hi Dawnald!. Its seem its a hard week to you. I don't really have experience in life as you had because I still single and don't understand parenting stuff. One think I know when I was child and teen peer pressure can be really hard to handle if you don't have sense of security. Child and teen can be really cruel if they want too. I think the situation there much harder there than here because here we still respect our teacher and parent. They still can control the situation if every thing goes bad. One thing you should teach Deara not to loose in this situation and don't let the pressure winning. There is always way out in every problem just be strong.

Firstly you take a few deep breaths and know that you cannot no matter how much you want to, cannot take on the world and solve everything by yourself and in a year, let alone a day. I certainly know the feelings of being so overwhelmed and helpless at the same time. Simply do the best you can, and know you have done more then imaginable and far more then is possible. I would say relax but then you can say shove it, and I do know the feeling. So take one day at a time and continue to tell self I am doing the best I can and maybe tomorrow will be better. ** Simply kidding aside maybe it is time to gather a few of us and have some Cosmos, if at worst we would laugh our tootsies off. **

That's one of the main reasons we have to believe in some deciding-power/God/etc. that loves us and thus wants things to turn out right: because we know that--if someone is in control--we don't have to worry about it. Oh, because of Free Will we can worry until our beautiful hair all falls out ... or you can just 'turn your worries over to The Anointed' and KEEP your beautiful hair.

If you do not learn how to be okay with this, you will be in the same condition as Dearra. Probably the only thing that will really clear up the stress is to get the divorce moving, and I understand at least part of the problem is that the house needs to sell. My mother's cure for any declining cat was oil packed sardines. My treatment for my ailing cats is homemade food, particularly homemade yogurt. Actually good store brand yogurt is okay. Vet says it is a good idea. I have one that has looked like he was dying for about three years now, but he just goes on. What is the worst thing that will happen if Dearra continues to miss school? She will be held back or she will have to go to summer school. I like the suggestion that you guys maybe should just have some girl time. I do not know how I finally learned to deal with the stress or turn loose of it. I believed when it happened it was a gift from God. I spent many years living on Pepto Bismol, until it no longer worked, and then on a prescription for the stomach pain that I often experienced as a young Mom. One day at a time is all you can handle. Breathe deeply, and do nice things for you, and vent here whenever you need to.

I am sorry you are having such a crappy week.....I totally understand all of it! Things are not always in our control and sometimes patience is the keyword..just waiting until it passes then move forward....hope things start falling into place.

You'll never be ok with everything..no matter what you can offer yourself as justification. It boils down to us doing it and then dealing with all that after. There are the things you can control and the things you can't..but those are the tricky things. Can you control the fact that tiger is sick? no..you can just do what you can. Are you doing what you can for your daughter?..yes...are you following through with the divorce?..no...because you are still thinking it impacts everything else.Does it? To a certain degree..but once it is done..everything else can be dealt with. These are my opinions dawn. Takw care.

Dearest dawny When I read your discussions, I realize I am not alone in what you call "crappy" situation. I realize that you are trying to do your best, and everytime I see somebody coming out of their mess, I feel - yeah great, I have hopes too... I could say when the going gets tough the tough gets going because that is what I keep on my work table. But that sounds so artificial when it is actually happening in our lives. All I can say is, I understand how it feels and hope things will get better at your end soon enough.

I know exactly what you are saying! Anyone who has lived long enough to acquire the things to make them happy would know too! Unfortunately they are the byproducts of attaining the things, marriage, family, home, pets, etc. Our original intent was to gain more happiness and fulfillment. Sometimes that cup just overflows! There are days when I just have to tell myself to just be happy I got out of bed. I'm just happy I raised my children to adulthood still alive. Often humor can pull me out of the feeling of overwhelmment. Sometimes just being in a nice warm bed on a snowy night, cuddled with baby dog can lift me out. But sometimes nothing helps.

yes