Should you have an only child?

Yeah, some got sucked in and it turn out to be a disaster . But yes those three brats could be a pain in the neck but they're all adorable, they're a test to my patience and now I'm beginning to feel the test in my wallet. Better have a birth control that's proven since old school method don't work most of the time.

Do both of you work full time or does your wife stay home to look after the kids?

LOL Sounds like you got sucked in...but you probably love all 3 just as much as the other. That won't (fingers crossed) happen to me, 2 maybe, but 3's a crowd.

That's so true. I often wish my daughter had more friends her age that she could play with so that she could develop that social aspect. For me, it really is a money issue, as opposed to an emotional one. If I do decide to bring another life into this world, I would love him/her unconditionally. I know that as a fact in my heart, but I just don't feel that I'm ready for a second, and feel there is pressure being put on me already to have another. My daughter isn't even 1 yet....

At one year old your daughter is not old enough to play "with" other children. Developmentally that happens at about three years old. If you are concerned that she have social experiences, go to the public library. Most of them have parent child story hours and other free experiences. I know of people who have had only children and the children did well. I have known of people who had their own softball team. It is up to a couple together. It is really no one else's business except for you and your wife. I had a neighbor pushing me to have another child when my son was barely one or not quite even. If you let your kids get a little older, having another child is somewhat easier. One of the pitfalls of having them as close as you guys are talking about is that the parents tend to treat the children as twins. Either they treat the first one like a baby or they expect the baby to act like the older child. It is not fair to either of them.

I could totally see the treatment of the 2 children as twins happening. I don't think that it would be a conscious decision on the parents part, but it would definitely have impacts, either negative or positive, in the developmental growth of each child. The younger would be treated as more of a grown baby and the older one would be treated as a young baby. Really, it wouldn't be fair. Thanks for the great response.

I can completely see your point on having a happy and merry household. Heck, I want that too, but I think you're right about leaving that gap of 3 or 4 years. Maybe after that length of time, I might change my mind and WANT another, but that will be left up to my feelings to decide. If I WANT...I'll HAVE, but if I'm PUSHED...I'll PUSH BACK. People shouldn't insist on others having a baby.

4?!?! Oh my....that's a little too many for my taste. lol I'm still balancing on the fence about 2, but if 2 were to happen for me, that's it! Maybe if I lived in a house and didn't have so many payments to make each month, worked at a higher paying job and was able to have my wife stay home 24/7 to look after them so that the daycare costs were low, but that's not happening any time soon.

That's kind of it too. Plans. A person plans their life out one way when they are younger. Then, they meet the person they fall in love with and set out new plans. In those plans, sometimes a child is planned, and sometimes not. In our case, we planned that right after our wedding, we would try for a baby...I didn't get to "try" very much because I'm a straight shooter and hit the bull's eye on the 2nd shot. I think that if I do ever decide that I WANT another baby, I'm not going to "try" as hard. lol

That's the way my wife talked about only having one child before she got pregnant. Even during the first couple of months after Farrah was born, she still said she only wanted one, but then the "wolves" (family/friends) attacked and suddenly her mind has changed. Since the "wolves" claimed one, now they're chasing me. lol

Was it that comment from your 13 year old that made you decide to have another? Or had you already?

Very true. I'm not saying that my sister and I fight or NEVER talk, but definitely not as much as we should. Plus, sometimes when we do, it feels a little fake or one sided. It's very hard to explain, but it happens sometimes.

Yeah, that's very true. I am starting to see the points of having another child and would love to see my daughter interact with a little brother or sister....I guess time will have to tell. Knowing my luck, I'll end up wanting another child and then my wife will change her mind. lol

I'd be lying if I said we didn't spoil her, but she's only 1 so she deserves it. lol But with the lonely point, I could definitely see how that could end up happening. I don't want her to grow up depressed and lonely, but a lot of friends would help too.....sort of. You see, right now, I'm more on the fence about it. I don't NOT want another child, I just DO NOT want another NOW! It just seems that my family and friends (most with 2 or more kids), are always pushing it and have heavily influenced my wife, whom before she was pregnant, said that she only wanted one and one only. Shouldn't this be my wife and my decision and not have so many people pushing it. I work with a 52 year old guy with an 18 year old daughter, and he always says, "Those people that are pushing you to have another, just want you to be in the same position as they are...with 2 kids!" He's a very happy guy and his daughter is apparently very smart, pretty, and popular. Not lonely at all. Plus, he has also told me that he used to make her earn her allowance and privileges, and she's turned out great, with a nice and close relationship with mom and dad. It's these type of people that has kept me to my wife and my original decision to only have one child.

Unfortunately, money isn't always the easiest thing to talk about. It usually stresses me out a bit, and my frustration with money issues makes her upset that I'm not happy. lol This was one of my New Year's Resolutions...to stop stressing so much about money issues. I'm just going to keep working as hard as I can (as I'm typing this at work lol) and eventually things will get paid off and some savings can start to accumulate.

I thought she was convinced for a while, but recently has changed her mind, which is fine, I'm not trying to control the way she thinks, but this subject is brought up once or twice every 2 or 3 days. This should be my decision, and I've told them that too, that they aren't the once that will have to wake every couple of hours or buy a new vehicle just so that I can fit another car seat in (have an Aveo and it's very tiny). My wife and I are the ones looking after the baby, for at least the next 18 years, so they need to back off. They just don't listen. I can understand why they would want another baby crawling around here, they are amazing and cute, but sooooo much work. I don't remember the last time I was actually able to just relax...physically and emotionally.

Hahaha...fist/child ratio. That's funny! In a disturbing kind of way. lol

Just because us guys are involved in the act of making a baby, which is great in it's own unique ways, I'd have to disagree that our part is over after that. You wait until you have your first baby...the experience is amazing, but it gets very exhausting after a while, especially working separate shifts, where you don't have the help from your spouse for the majority of the week. I'm so involved! I wanted and still want to do all that I can to ensure that my wife knows how much I appreciate how she went through the pregnancy and 7 HOURS straight of pushing. She's amazing and deserves to make that decision if she wants to go through it again, but why so soon? Why when we are the most financially strapped that we've ever been in our lives? She loves our daughter so much and doesn't want to see her grow up lonely, I get that. But, me being a guy, I look at the money situation, how much more work I'll need to do to pay for things, and where I can find that extra money.

A mutual decision would definitely be the most fair thing to have, but that's easier said than done.

My sister was a lot bigger then I was. I dont recall being able to wear all that many of her clothes. Especially in teen years no way she was a lot bigger then me. I have a daughter and a son so my son cannot wear my daughters hand me downs lol. I understand what you are saying there.

I could definitely see 2 girls fighting, but at least you were probably able to share clothes...where as with brothers and sisters, the sharing of clothes is probably not the best thing for the kid's self-esteem. lol

There's definitely no turning back after the wife is pregnant a second time. lol You can really only keep them in there for 9 months...after that reality kicks in. I like what you said about the sibling donating theirs to us. I'm pretty sure that if someone asked my older sister that, she definitely would have given me up.

Thanks, that's the way I look at it too. I don't want to feel even more financially unstable than I do right now. I know that it's a very difficult situation that really can't be "saved" for, but perhaps if I could get some bills paid down and loan/credit cards paid off, I would be in a different mind-set.

LOL That's what you think! Be prepared for the onslaught of people that will try to convince you otherwise. And believe me...there's a lot of them out there. Heck, I was talking to one of my friends that I haven't talked to for ages, and that was one of the first topics she brought up. Come on...give me a break, already. lol