How to deal with stubborn husband
By zeciram
@zeciram (161)
Philippines
January 17, 2011 11:44pm CST
My husband is a good and loving man. the only problem that I have is that he does not want to deal with family issues. Whenever i bring up an issue which I think needs to be resolved for us for the benefit of the family, he would shut me up telling me that I'm just creating a problem. Just recently, he did it again when I was explaining to him why I won't let him take our 8 months old baby girl for a ride in his motorcycle. My reason for not allowing it is because accidents happen and we cannot tell when accidents will happen. I told him that if something happens to our baby, things will never be the same. He got angry and would not listen. But still I didn't allow him to take our baby on the motorcycle ride.
I kept telling him that the reason why I would like to discuss with him some issues is because I would like our marriage to last and I do not want my daughter to go through a broken family. I am afraid that these issues would pile up and destroy what we have. I understand that maybe we just have different points of view.
By the way, even if he refuses to listen to me, I still would let him know what I needed to say and a few days after our confrontation, I would notice some improvement in him which I think prove that he listens to me despite his unpleasing reaction when I talk to him.
Do you think I'll just tolerate his treatment to me when I try to talk to him?
Do you have other ideas on how to deal with a husband like mine?
1 person likes this
9 responses
•
19 Jan 11
We almost have the same issues. And I am sure we do have the same dialogues whenve we want to express our emotions to our husbands.
It is really just a huge level of commitment. A lot of things change when we have another person to worry everyday.You have to be considerate of the other person's habits, values and beliefs, while not entirely giving up our own to accomodate them. They say, people just don't stay to whom they are before when they married.
It's just sad to know that when we started living together with the one we love, things just become so diffrent. Their passio, romance, sweetness just sauddenly fades each day.
I admit, I am learning the hard way in my marriage. I have had already shed tears, to the point that I am giving up. But I have to think of my baby. If I would give them, no one can ever take my place.
Aside from exerting more effort to see my expectations, I am praying that at least, my husband would understand what I really feel. if there's a relationship he must really prioritize, it should be our marriage, because in the end, it will be just the two of us.
@zeciram (161)
• Philippines
19 Jan 11
Hi! I've also had my share of these tears shedding and I have also thought of giving up. I feel that there is nothing I can do anymore, that I have given everything I got to this relationship and that there's no more left to give. You are right... if not for the baby I would have left already.
Marriage is indeed a huge level of commitment and things have to change but why should it be us who are always trying to make things work? I feel so alone...
I also hope that our husbands understand that when they married us they committed to put our marriage on top of everything even above our children because when we have a happy marriage everything else will fall in place.
I agree that prayer is what we need, faith that everything will pass and the darkness will end.
Thank you.
@Anna1983 (76)
• China
18 Jan 11
Hi zeciram, My husband seems like that.
I find it is effective when he is in good mood.
I think most of men did not like talking family small issue.
They only like talking business and entertainment.
Sometimes my angry also is effective with him.
If he can not do something as my right require, I do not do others as his require.
@salonga (27775)
• Philippines
19 Jan 11
Your husband is so hard to deal with. I can't last a day with such a husband. I am sorry to tell this. When you were not yet married, did you already notice this kind of attitude in him? If you did, you should have had not married him at all. A person who does not know how to listen is a person with so much pride. He could not take an advice or idea from his wife simply because he thinks highly of himself and could not accept that a woman would think better than he does. How sad to have such a husband and I really am so sorry for you.
@jasmeena (846)
• Indonesia
18 Jan 11
I think you can start communicating your idea when he`s in good mood but in a persuasive way. Don`t make his position more difficult, use better expression, don`t say"you never" and "you always". You can start by saying"Dear, in my opinion, it would be better if...".
@EdnaReyes (2622)
• Philippines
18 Jan 11
We girls sometimes tend to nag our husband when we need to clear out some issues. Men do not want to be nag. Make him feel your not imposing something on him but only giving your piece of mind. Some men also dislike confrontation. Let the issue cools down a bit, then with right timing, you can talk it out with him. Men also like to be always in authority. Ask him some suggestion on how to deal with some things (but in reality, you're making him agree with you) then make him feel he's the authority behind that suggestion. If these simple tips do not work, then it's time for you to ask a marriage counselor if the matter gets worst. Hope it's not.
@zeciram (161)
• Philippines
18 Jan 11
Hi EdnaReyes! I tried it already. I ask him in a calm and nice way. Actually, I seldom nag. I am forced to nag because I cannot get him to listen. Nothing seems worked. I am also thinking about seeing a marriage counselor. I'm just wondering if mylotters have other ideas for me to try so I would not need a marriage counselor. I am really stuck. I don't know what to do.
Thank you so much!
@SIMPLYD (90722)
• Philippines
18 Jan 11
So you see, even if your husband don't right away obey you, you would see improvements in him which you think proves that he after all listens to you.
Men generally don't like to be imposed by their wives on what not to do and what to do. They may take it to mean that you are putting your weight around the house. Remember, that they are supposed to be the Head of the family. Hence, it is but proper that when we want our ideas known to them on how to do a thing , which he himself will carry out, we do it in a loving way not in an imposing way. Sometimes, the words we use also affects what we would like to convey and so much more by the intonation of our voice, so the man would usually appear nonchalant about it.
So if we want to have something imposed to our husbands , let's do it in a nice, loving manner.
@zeciram (161)
• Philippines
19 Jan 11
Hi SIMPLYD! The major problem with us is failure to have open communication, I think.
He refuses to communicate serious matters with me.
As much as I can I will give him more of my patience and for as much as I can I will try not to be angry when he shut me up.
Thanks!
@cupkitties (7421)
• United States
18 Jan 11
When it comes to a stubborn person, you may need guidance with them because they need to know how to admit they aren't always right. Also you make your points on why you don't want this and that done but what about his opinions? Listen to him and let him give his reasons so he doesn't feel like he's not being heard or his thoughts about the subject aren't being pushed to the side.
@koikei (206)
• Philippines
18 Jan 11
greetings! i agree with the earlier responses. some men just don't like to discuss things, and being men, they feel that their decision should be the only decision. men are naturally proud like that, but it doesn't really mean they don't care or listen. does this happen very often? if yes, probably you can lessen the frequency of these talks, or try another way of communicating your feelings. sometimes, make it sound like the idea came from him, and then flatter him. it's a negotiation technique i learned that i feel is very effective.
@kkavya36 (35)
•
18 Jan 11
hello zeciram!!!!
i don't think so...the thing is that guys will be having some head weight that they are the head of the family and they thing that they are always correct, they are so perfect that they never make a mistake...if they realize that we r correct but then they wont give up themselfs....
so mine advise is that never argue him about family issues, leave him to do according to his wish...then he'l come to know things what ever he missed... give him a little time to make sure of himself...i guess surly he'l listen to your words...
what you did about your baby is very correct!!!!!!!
