Who do you think some women allow their husbands to beat them?
By celeste2224
@celeste2224 (160)
Philippines
January 24, 2011 12:42am CST
I am not a feminist, but I do know my rights as a woman, and I have heard some of my friends being beaten by their husbands or a friend's friend,same scenario,but I don't know why do some women allow their husbands to beat them? Sometimes I ask myself if a person loves someone so much why would he beat someone? Some say that its because of jealousy, but is it reason enough to beat a woman?I don't think so, yes we do think that women should be treated equal as men but hey, However it goes, men are still greater than women in terms of strength, in some aspects women equals men.On the other hand why do some women allow their husbands to beat them is it also because of love? being a martyr? Honestly this is one thing that I don't understand with women,yes you love your husband but when he beats you I think love ends with that kind of scenario, I don't mean to be judgmental but really that is not reason enough to stay in the relationship..so what do you think guys?
5 people like this
12 responses
@pogi253 (1596)
• Philippines
25 Jan 11
Why is it that many women don’t leave their violent partners? Once the reasons they don’t are understood, it becomes clear why battered women so frequently react with embarrassment and confusion when asked to explain their behavior and why it is so unfortunate to conclude that if they were up against real abuse they would leave.
Many battered wives stay in denial or, worse yet, think the problem is their fault. Showing your willingness to help by being positive will lay a good foundation for finding the right solution.
1 person likes this
@Ingkingderders (3832)
• Philippines
24 Jan 11
I am totally with you on this one.. I don't see any reason why you should stay if your husband is already physically abusing you. Not even for the kids. Staying for the kids even if you are being abused is just crazy, and i'm sure if you're kids knew what is happening, they will be the ones who would push you to leave... I guess there are just some women who feels so inferior, and there are those who doesn't know how to start again on their own that's why they just stay. 
@celeste2224 (160)
• Philippines
24 Jan 11
yes, you are right, even staying for the benefits of the kids is not reason enough anymore. I mean we are talking of safety here, yes he is your husband but what if he cant control anymore and he might kill you and the children, would one rather wait for that certain point to make a decision or its just gonna be too late?
1 person likes this
@Ingkingderders (3832)
• Philippines
6 Feb 11
yeah, and sometimes, even just the emotional abuse should make you leave. I know a couple who the husband emotionally abuses the wife, and thankfully, after months of coaxing the wife, she finally left him. I can see that it's really hurting her, and hopefully she can move on, and the husband can change and realize that what he is doing is wrong.
@slothgurl (569)
• Enumclaw, Washington
24 Jan 11
In my opinion it is because they get stuck in the situation. Life goes on as usual for a while, then for whatever reason, jealousy, burnt dinner, house not clean, sets off the abuser. An average beating probably lasts 5-10 minutes (unless its the long drawn out torturous kind). After that, things cool off, and get back to "normal". It could be one day or three months before it is repeated. If you involve police, the abuser is usually the money earner, so if he's in jail, no money to live on. If there is a 90 day no contact order, you would loose a place to live by then. It is very hard to get out of a situation like that unless you have a very good support system.
@celeste2224 (160)
• Philippines
24 Jan 11
Yeah I guess you are right, women get stuck in the situation which doesnt allow them to get out. I just hope that we should be ready in things like this. I know that each of us has their own reasons why we allow ourselves to get stuck in a situation like that. Its sad to think that things are like this.
@salonga (27775)
• Philippines
25 Jan 11
Some women allow themselves to be beaten by their husbands because they would rather take the pain than losing them. They love their husband so much perhaps. Some does not really allow their husband to beat them but rather they were just helpless and could not defend themselves. They are just too weak, physically and spiritually that they could not even find a way to help themselves. Now in my case, I think my love will not stay if my husband beats me. I will not allow him to do that to me either. I am happy my husband has never beaten me in all the 26 years of our marriage. Mine is a happy marriage and I thank God for that.
@tvarasu10 (101)
• India
25 Jan 11
I think no women whole heartedly allow their husbands to beat them.They are passive because of thier dependence and weakness.It should be men refrain from beating their spouse.Better understanding alone can prevent beating
@hlgmdt (300)
• Philippines
25 Jan 11
In psychology, there is a term which sounds like reward-cost theory, which is one of the concepts used in explaining interpersonal attraction. A number of battered wives are plain housewives, who do not have jobs or who have never worked before. In short, they are financially dependent to their husbands. In these cases, the woman may try to weight the reward and the cost of staying in the relationship. A woman, for instance, may think that the reward for staying out of the relationship is to gain freedom from the beatings. However, the cost is that she doesn't where to start or how to become financial capable after years of being economically dependent to her husband. Another reason is cultural. Particularly in those regions where patriarchy is still dominant, then the women are left to obey the custom of preserving the relationship.
@cupkitties (7421)
• United States
24 Jan 11
As someone who has been there I honestly couldn't tell you the whys. All I can say is it does not have anything to do with love. That's an assumption people make and a lie that the victim tells themselves. Another assumption outsiders make against us is that our abuser only hits us. There is so much more involved than physical abuse. I guess you would say a brain washing is involved. I was a much different person then. Very naive and self hating.
@silvercoin (2101)
• Lithuania
24 Jan 11
It has nothing to do with love.It's mentality.If males in your family treat women like dogs, it's very possible you will choose a man who will treat you the same way.When you see your parents treating each other with respect,you learn from them.You learn from couples around you.When you see bad examples, you learn from bad examples and this leads to a tradition of being unhappy in family life.I think your friends never had a good example.
@sender621 (14893)
• United States
24 Jan 11
Nobody deserves to be beaten by another person. Just because two people are married does not make abuse right or should it be tolerated. Nobody should feel they are someone else's victim. husbands do not own the right to use their wife as a punching bag. If you are a woman in an abusive relationship, you owe it to yourself to get the help you need to live a happier life.
@sy0712 (155)
• China
24 Jan 11
I don't know what the reason is,rescently such topics as begun obtained everybody a heated discussion,this is not the thought that such a phenomenon began to frequent up? I am not an feminists,but to this kind of phenomenon I hated very much,the man is in power than women have to dominant why they can borrow this advantage to hurt women?I am absolutely oppose!
@louisejune29 (27)
•
24 Jan 11
i remember the song "sometimes love just ain't enough",you love your husband right but it is too much if he physically hurt you.we dont have to wait for the second or third time to beat us or hurt us.the wife sacrifices a lot sometimes they call us martyr just to save the relationship.
