My Friend's Suicide

Tweet

[b]Ellain, my college friend of 4 years, just died, Wednesday night. She hanged herself with a belt by her window. I was so shocked at the news! Actually, I still can't believe it until now. I was speechless when I heard the news. The worst thing was, that we had a fight on the first week of January. We didn't even had the chance to call it a truce. The fight was about something that had something to do with being rude and tactless. I called her tactless, inconsiderate and rude. She always has been. And that made quite a few people irritated and annoyed at her. She asked me if there are a lot of people who can't stand her and what her problem was. I told her that she should be careful when talking. There are people that might get her joke and there are people who might not. I also told her to be considerate of other people. It wasn't my intention to hurt her feelings. I just want her to change these things so she can avoid being hated. When I heard the news, no emotions were coming out of me. I was in total shock. Our friends can't think of any reason why she did it. When I visited her wake, I talked to her boyfriend and asked what the reason might be. It wasn't something too serious. The problems were kinda shallow for a suicide actually. I learned that Ellain and Bryan (the bf) had a little fight about Bryan going out with friends at night without telling her. And he went on like this for a year without Ellain's knowledge. So Ellain had to be very strict with him. Bryan was the kindest bf she ever had. He loves her very much.He only did it because he wants to hang out with his buddies and Ellain's not letting him. I was thinking that the reason of her suicide might have something to do with her love for Bryan. Mark, her ex-boyfriend was a playboy. He played with Ellain's heart. He had a lot of girls when they were a couple. When Mark left her, Ellain attempted suicide but fortunately didn't get successful. But this time, it paid off. I was thinking that she might have been too paranoid about Bryan doing the same thing to her (which I strongly doubt). She doesn't want the whole thing to happen again that's why she did it. This is only my perception. It was the strongest possible reason why she did it. I cried last Saturday. I cried all night. I still can't believe that she's gone and she had a suicide. It's very painful for me because we didn't have the chance to make up. Am I a bad friend because I told her what her bad attitudes were and that quite a few people are annoyed at her? I'm gonna miss you so much Ellain...[/b]