Treating Children Equally

I believe each child is to be taken care of equally as they are the fruits of love of both partners, so to take care of one more than the other is discrimination and one cannot realize how much it hurts a child when he faces such situation. We are a five children at home, four girls and one boy, my mother is always taking great care of my brother more than we girls and her answers to our questions are that he is the only boy so she loves him. Everything is kept for him, and this irritate us but not in a way which really hurts as we are four girls together. And our dad is a great one. But my sister who got married and got a third child she is always favoring the last one much more than the two. Even the two got to understand that their mother id driven further in her affection to the third one and sometimes they are hurt.

These is why problems occur in our society. Why on earth she treat the son and daughter differently. That girl is going to rebel sooner and later. That boy can't learn the value of being a man if he keeps thinking he will get off the hock if he run to his mother.

i hate that. my father is like that. i only have a son and there is nothing to compare with him when it comes to treatment. i havea sister who has 3 kids and she treats her children differently too. my brothers the other was has three and the other one has two. i dont know about my brother who has 3 kids he lives abroad. while my brother who have 2 kids beats them when he is in a bad mood but treats his son differently. i know the feeling for i have parents who treats us differently so if ever i will have another child i will try my best to be fair. just my opinion.

DEfinitely they have to be equally treated. Parents are the one responsible in rearing their children with good values. If your cousin's reason is like that her husband is too hard to her baby boy..that means that she's being unfair to her daughter. We can talk to our partner if the case is such, but not infront of our children. Don't let the children see that you're on his side or being unfair. You're building an emotional gap between your siblings. And it will also give them the feeling of disrespect to the partner being hard to them. Maybe her husband reasons of being hard to his son is because he is a boy. We may sit down and talk on how to discipline the children but without showing the unfair treatment infront of them. Especially when they are in the stage of absorbing what they see and feel without understanding the reason why is it going like that.

I had the same experience. It's my mom who loves my elder brother more but never admit it. I was the one who always get beaten whenever I've done something wrong but not my brother. She also buys expensive stuffs for him before and I get the hand-me-down stuffs. I feel so envious with my elder brother and it causes conflicts between our relationship as siblings. I never agreed to his attitude but my mom have always been there for her. As a child, I found it traumatic but I changed and hoped for a better future. I didn't follow my mom's attitude but instead kept everything inside me. When we grew up, I've become more stronger than my brother, more independent, and etc. Everyone can see our differences now a days. Eventually my mom changed though sometimes her motherly love for my brother still shows, I don't mind anymore. However, people's coping mechanism are different. Such experience of unequal love my cause other conflicts with their siblings. One may understand and one may not and would just result into other problems as they grow old. Sometimes parents doesn't know that they're treating the others differently (that's what at least I think) since every time I confront my mom about it she never admits it. I remember my mom would always say before when I was young "panganay kasi" meaning he is the oldest son. On the other hand, my brother might have thought that my dad loves me better but if we both have done something wrong surely we both get the discipline which is different from my mom. My dad treats me better I think because my brother had gotten so much different and would answer back to my parents in a disrespectful manner so my dad didn't had much choice but as I remember my dad wanted them to be in good terms. They were sometimes. I hope they would find better ways to discipline both their children to avoid more conflict as they grow old.

All our kids should be treated with the same amount and kind of love and affection. If we give a disciplinary measure to one then we should also give it to the other when the situation calls for it. However, I think it is also important to consider that each of our child has a different personality, so we have to respect their individuality. The idea of raising our kids equally does not mean giving all of them exactly the same thing or the same treatment . For example, it doesn't mean that we if we enroll one in a ballet lesson, then it does not necessarily follow that we enroll the other, too. It is important to note each child's interest.

Well, I disagree with not disciplining one child and disciplining the rest but when you have multiple kids, they generally have different personalities. Treating them 'equally' may not mean treating them the 'same'. Many people believe that equal means the same but it doesn't. You may have one child who responds very well to praise because they have a pleasing personality and they feel bad if they let you down, but you may have another child who doesn't respond to praise at ALL and you have to resort to threatening consequences, which works because they don't want to get in trouble. It often takes a lot of trial and error to figure out what will work, and even so, what works one day may not work on another. I would caution the parents to be on the same page with each other as far as discipline IN FRONT OF the kids. The kids will quickly learn how to manipulate to get their way if they see they can divide and conquer their parents. I have had friends whose kids would go to whichever parent would say 'go ask your father' or 'go ask your mother', knowing that whoever they went to AFTER would say yes lol.

This is not good and will cause problems. In time, the children are going to teach these parents this.

Parents should treat equally with their children. If not, It can be influence not well to them. Children is very delicate, they'll realize your actions quickly.