Whose wedding is it anyway?

Hi! Although I have not experienced that kind of situation nor experience it any time soon, I can empathize with the heartbreak that a parent would feel if they are left out of the wedding of their children. A wedding is an important event in every person's life. Thus, when a daughter or son get married without her/his parents present, I can only imagine the hurt that it will cause the parents. It is as if that parent has not been a significant part of the daughter's or son's life. However, this is just how I see it. I don't really know what is in the thought of the daughter or son who gets married without their parent or parents present.

I had told my mom in the past that I would like to elope when I get married. Partly to save money, and partly because if the guy gives me too much time to think about it, I could change my mind. Supposedly I have committment issues. lol And my mom told me in no uncertain terms that if I eloped, it would break her heart. So if I get married, I imagine that whatever I do, I'll include my mom in the plans (even with her dementia). I really don't want to hurt my mother. So while I feel it should be my decision, in the long run it would mean more to her than it would to me.

The wedding is the wedding of the bride and groom, and nobody else. My husband and I eloped in Arizona, simply because we knew we wanted to get married, and getting married right away, would mean we could get our paperwork taken care of faster. I'm a Canadian, and he's an American. However, we still wanted a family celebration, so we had another wedding up here in Canada, and all went great!!

All of this reminds me of the movie the Catered Affair. Bette Davis Needs to give Debbie Reynolds a Huge wedding. Debbie and her fiance just wanted to get married at the courthouse.I am never going to be a mother of a daughter. As a child I never dreamed about my wedding without thinking about being forced to marry so the wedding would be just an empty ceremony.So I can't relate to dreaming of a wedding.but i Do know a wedding should be the vision of the bride not her mother. Being upset is natural and I don't blame you or her. But these brides want a marriage More than a posh wedding. There are some who Only think about the wedding . They don't care how much money it costs they Have to have their day. And then there isn't enough money to get their new home or for anything they need. So help your sister mourn the dream. And maybe she can talk her daughter and new son-in-law into a welcome home- Celebrate the union party. That way she can plan the reception she has in her head!

I tried to get mine to elope, lol but they didn't. To be honest i think spending a bunch of money on a wedding is silly. That's just me. I know your sister would like to be invited & i can see where u got ur feelings hurt but i'm just not into big weddings. I'm not very social tho & that should be taken into consieration,lol.

about 6 months ago I nearly faced the same situation as my daughter and her finance came to to me and said that the wedding is so expensive that they are thinking of eloping. I told them that they could elope but they would have to bring me. They burst out laughing. So they are getting married in July and I am going a bit crazy already with all of the planning and everything is so expensive. But both families are rallying around them to cut down the costs. She used her travel miles and flew to Mississippi to friends and she bought a dress knocked down by US$600 on Black Friday. I so wanted to be there but she sent me photos so I could see her trying on and choosing it. I do understand the expense is worrying but it can be cut down and still be made into an occasion. I would have wept if she had eloped and I wasn't there.

Hi Jill Yes I would be very upset but in the same breath it is what they want And I do hope what your Daughter did as that will make up in a sense I would be very upset but I would also understand I suppose we have to respect our Childrens wishes

Don't blame you for being upset with your daughter. Feel bad for your niece too. Having a wedding is costly but such a memorable time. But as parents, we can only do what we can do with our grown kids. Yes, I would have been beyond heartbroken if our girls eloped. We have three daughters and did have 3 big weddings. We didn't want to miss out on the fun, even though it was expensive. We had a great time. I didn't feel photos or videos were a waste of money because eventually they can look back with their kids and share the moment.

That's sad, though I think it was sweet of your daughter to consider the costs, I think she could have let you at least know even if you couldn't be there. Yes, it is the bride and bridegrooms day, not the parents, but even if your sister can make it to Tennessee just to witness, that would be more than nothing I would think..

That is a really really hard one jillhill. Whew! I'd say I have to agree with you BUT, like you titled your discussion, Whose wedding is it anyway? So the person who's getting married has the right to choose how and when they want to get married. My first marriage was with the JP however, my family was there. They didn't agree with the choice (in the man or my wedding) I had made but it was MY choice and all went well. However, we divorced three years later. I married again 19 years ago and this time it was in a church and was really simple but pretty. Now my niece and her husband got married without telling anybody! They did it on the spur of the moment. He had to go to court over a traffic ticket and they decided while they were there to go ahead and get married! My brother was so devastated! She's the only daughter and only niece. We all were shocked and hurt but we all got over it because after all, it was her choice. They did have a civil ceramony about a year and a half later but like you said, it wasn't the same but they were happy so that's all that matters. I'll tell you something else, something about the military, most of them get married on the spur of the moment because they're so far away from home that it's nearly impossible to plan a wedding. Hubby and I saw it happen all the time that it's become second nature anymore so when you said he's in the military coming back on leave, it didn't surprise me at all.

Oh Jill as you have experienced the hurt of this also you can understand how your sister is feeling but at the same time these people want to get married q1uickly before he returns to Afghanistan and can fully appreciate where they are coming from too. God forbid anything did happen to him at least she would be provided for (or that is how it stands in the UK) as a girlfriend only no help at all which I feel is very sad also. I was going to suggest they have a ceremony for the family upon his return but as you have said it wasn't the same. My own daughters have part of their family on their fathers side at war and this caused my daughter enough upset at her 21st as one lot wouldn't come if the others were there and she has said she will never get married because of this because she wants her wedding to be a happy occasion. Going back to the original question, the answer is their wedding but it should be a celebration with all family present in my view if at all possible. Huggles. Ellie :D

All three of my daughters had weddings (small) and i can honestly say that because they were all adults they did most of their own planning and i just did what i was told, so really I was happy however they wanted to do it. Me, i enjoyed my elopement much more than i did my wedding!

Well, If they would of waited and something happened to him then she gets nothing. So by all mean's get married and maybe later she will have a party up here in Minnesota. But I wish I would of eloped as when I wanted to leave I could of and that would of been the end of it right there. My Father talked me into getting married on my wedding day as I tried to run off and not get married. One alway's does what your father say's. Plus It made my Mother happy to buy the dumb dress that I didn't want to wear. We split after 4 years. The good thing was I didn't let them spend what they wanted to. I got a $50.00 dress and didn't want that. I had all my bridesmaids wear there old prom dresses as we all had one or two. Or if not a nice dress that they had hanging in there closet. You tell your sister for me really did she want to spend all that money on a wedding? Heck If she still wants to spend the money have her give it to her daughter for a house. Or something like that. You have a wonderful day my friend.

What? That is heartbreaking. I'd be angry if my daughter eloped but I feel she wouldn't do that to me, she's only 1 year old. :)