I was betrayed..does that give me the right to leave?
By oxyde_gyabo
@oxyde_gyabo (701)
Philippines
January 31, 2011 12:21am CST
Hi, hope you understand my situation and problem ^_^ .. I'm so filled with this crazy anger that I have to find some people who'd advice me how to free myself of it without breaking something. (like throwing a pillow)
I was in a group of friends where one of them isn't actually considered a friend because she kind of doesn't resemble what a friend should be. (A friend wouldn't suck off your good vibes, kill your dreams, make you feel terrible right?)
Now, there are several times she did things to get me out of the group. And a close friend in that group believed her lie so it made me feel hated, somewhat scorned. I asked myself: "Why would she believe her if she know her well enough that she loves to lie and break me?"
So I decided to leave. I can't take anymore bullying and backstabbing. And worse, I'm more angry at that friend who believe that liar. I talk to them once in a while but very rare. I don't know if I hate them or despise them but I really regret everything. It seems to me that these things wouldn't happen if that girl didn't exist.
Do I have the right to leave this group of friends? Many classmates noticed I don't want to be with them anymore. And I really don't want to be with them! (for obvious reasons)
It hurts so much to be betrayed.. But it's life. I hope I'll get over it.
1 person likes this
9 responses
@bluangel628 (383)
• Philippines
1 Feb 11
Of course girl. You have all the right to leave. Everybody has the right to choose their friends. The hurt they've caused you will heal, in time. And in time that "close friend" of yours will realize a big mistake she'd make on believing that other person. Maybe you're really not meant to be close friends anyway. Maybe, somewhere, out there is destined to be your best bud. Keep living your life. Leave whatever painful memories they have given you and you'll be surprise to wake up one day realizing that hey, it does not matter anymore. :-)
1 person likes this
@oxyde_gyabo (701)
• Philippines
21 Feb 11
Yeah, I have a best bud, but she's in another country and it feels so comfortable to cry on her shoulders even though she has the faintest idea of my heartaches. And I'm pretty sure that group of friends would really feel regretful because they've got no one to copy homeworks from. xD
Thanks bluangel, you're really heaven sent ^_^
@JohnMach (550)
• Philippines
31 Jan 11
There are a lot of those kinds of people and eventually you'll learn ow to deal with them. They're not that friendly normally and most of them are introverts so chances are she'll lose the group of friends you were talking about sooner than you think.
1 person likes this
@oxyde_gyabo (701)
• Philippines
21 Feb 11
Hey, you are one of the avatar fans that commented on my other post ^_^ hi again.
I hope she does get kicked out. She had done far worse to them than to me besides ruining friendships, she feel good (by the expressions on her face) when those in that group flunk a quiz or exam! And I'm sure that she's a flirt who doesn't know how to socialize, does that count as introvert? What's the popular term for plastic? I don't know if it's faker or fraud but there's no term to fit that person.
@bingskee (5234)
• Philippines
31 Jan 11
hi.
i suppose i am much older than you but still, just recently, i had had an experience with a 'supposed friend'.
i had written a blog post about this 'The Anatomy of a Friend's Betrayal". a part of the post had this:
[i]What is hurting is when you feel that your friend is making up stories against you just to win the favor of another. For whatever it’s worth, only that ‘snake’ knows why the deed is done or is being done. What is more hurting is when another buddy or a group of buddies believed the story and hated you because of the lies. Believe me, it happens. Should we take it against these friends of ours if they believe the lies? Should we take it against them if they keep silent about it and not tell you anything about it?
The reasons I can think of when someone makes up stories against another are insecurities, jealousy or envy, immaturity, or mental inadequacy. They maybe other reasons like they just wanted to save their behinds from blame, or shame. But heck, it’s always betrayal. It is deception.[/i]
1 person likes this
@oxyde_gyabo (701)
• Philippines
21 Feb 11
This is very ingenious and I agree that when someone deceives others, it's always because they feel weak and sorry for themselves. Unfortunately, I think that when there is someone like that in a group, the relationship among them would be unsteady because someone in that group is pretty good at breaking another's reputation and friendship.
I don't know who to get angry at the most but I'm fairly sure that I should really be angry at that liar. Whatever the reason behind those lies, they're all frustrating and repulsive.
@sender621 (14893)
• United States
31 Jan 11
Betrayal often leaves us with so many different emotions. Most of them are not good feelings that we want to have in our lives. When we are betrayed is when we become the most vulnerable. this is when we can feel like a victim. Walking away from a relationship seems like the right thing to do. We just have to be sure we make that choice for the right reasons.1 person likes this
@oxyde_gyabo (701)
• Philippines
21 Feb 11
I wish I really did chose the right thing for the right reason. One of my friends in that group isn't as terrible as that liar and that who believes that liar. And I feel sad for not being close to her. We used to laugh a lot together. And it seems that will never return.
@SIMPLYD (90721)
• Philippines
31 Jan 11
Yes, it's better to leave that group.
But before leaving, you have to clarify things with them. Say your piece and refute whatever lies that friend told your another friend about you. Don't let other people ruin you just like that. Stand for your right and what is true.
After that, you can leave them whether they believe you or the liars. At least you have clarified yourself.
You don't need friends who backstab you , anyway.
1 person likes this
@oxyde_gyabo (701)
• Philippines
31 Jan 11
Thanks, I did said the truth and my side but I guess not everyone can be open minded when they're angry at someone that they shouldn't be angry at.
And its true, I don't need that liar as a friend. Unfortunately, she's a class officer who collects funds, distributes handouts and so on.. So I don't want to get on a tight spot either. She did used her 'officer power' by not notifying me of our makeup classes so I have to ask other people to inform me when there are notices. That's because professors inform her, and tells her to inform others. It's not fair that she uses these instances to decrease my grades.
@thisisradu (11)
• India
31 Jan 11
Yes you need to leave them. They are no good for your mental and emotional health. Staying with them with only make things worse for you. Eventually you will get over it, and feel much better about it. More confident, happier, and you'll end up making new friends who actually don't cut you down like she does.
1 person likes this
@oxyde_gyabo (701)
• Philippines
21 Feb 11
Thank you. Sometimes, I should find ways to feel better for myself by having good people around. ^_^ But I don't think I'll forget my good times with some of them.
@akangirl (2436)
• India
31 Jan 11
Sure you will get over it as time heals everything.People who don't trust you and backstabs are not your friends.But if you have any good friend in that group then just stay in touch with them.why the whole group suffer because of two backstabbing people
1 person likes this
@oxyde_gyabo (701)
• Philippines
31 Jan 11
I guess I shouldn't affect the good friend left in the group.. There are only three of them. I don't think the good friend minds me leaving because we aren't close
@comment_please (338)
• Philippines
31 Jan 11
If they are destroying your reputation or makes you feel inferior than you must leave the group but never avoided them. Avoiding them or snabbing them are sign of immaturity. You can leave the group but maintained your being friendly.
Never tell anyone your reason on leaving the group but you may tell it to the group if they wants you too. But it is best to never talk about it.
Maturity also means proper handling of secret and emotion.
Pray to God and He will give you many good friends.
@oxyde_gyabo (701)
• Philippines
31 Jan 11
Thank you. I think I've been immature by not talking to them anymore, but not necessarily avoid them. I have good friends, but not inside the class so it's kind of lonely to only see your friends occasionally.
@Marmot (590)
• United States
31 Jan 11
Sorry to hear that. I think leave maybe the right thing to do. There ARE some people like to say bad words about others, and there are people will listen those words. So, if encountered with these kind of people, I think the best way is stay away from them. But I think you can still be friend with the others in that group, if they are friends you don't want to lose. Experience these things should be very upset, but do not get so frustrated by those unworthy people. Make new friends with others, and explore new world. You will have your own life better. Good luck~~
@oxyde_gyabo (701)
• Philippines
31 Jan 11
That would be nice if there are a lot of people in my class, but there are less than 30 of us. They have groups of their own, and it's awkward to join them suddenly after a dispute. I have friends here in mylot, at other schools, and very distant countries and it's sad because I don't really see them anymore. Thank you, I agree that I shouldn't get fed up by people who just wants me down, because that means they succeeded in their awful habits.
