When does Giving becomes Unconditional?
By maria1081
@maria1081 (1251)
Philippines
February 1, 2011 2:31pm CST
Why am I asking this question? From the word itself, giving is an act of free will. Giving is not supposed to be a form of bribe, giving is not gaining something out of it. When people think that you give because of personal intention, then maybe because they think and do things that way. But case to case basis, one should also consider the scenario of the act.
Someone told me that I bake for my staff because I want to gain their loyalty. The person who told me never experience to be with me for a day in my work place, not even hours to observe how I treat others in general. So how can that person say something when he knows nothing? I always try to be fair with my judgement and treat everyone equally, I know I'm not perfect but I'am trying. Though there will always be rough road and edges in my path, I know I give/share something unconditionally and not for personal gain. I gave because I wanted to, because I'm happy, because there is no reason for it but simply giving. And why is it other people cant see that? Specially my brother who had said hurtful words to me because his mind was poisoned/clouded by someone close him. Now I thought that having no communication would be better than to continue hurting each other. I would give him time and space to think until he realize that forgiveness is always given unconditionally.
2 people like this
6 responses
@lisa0502 (1724)
• Canada
1 Feb 11
I think that giving is a good thing. With no expectation in return. But I think that some people take it to far and expect you to keep giving. If you are happy to give then do not let anyone tell you it is not good. As for giving forgiveness it might be a little harder. It would all depend on whether or not the people deserve it. Also you may choose to forgive but not forget meaning that they can not do this again. Good luck with being so giving.
@maria1081 (1251)
• Philippines
1 Feb 11
Thanks for the response, it cheers me up a bit since I feel so down and shaken.
@edb225112 (124)
• United States
2 Feb 11
You sound like a very giving person. Giving, even giving can be seen as comming with strings. People always look for a motive for what is given. You bake and you share with the people you work with. Part of your need to share what you bake is to be liked by the group. That is not a bad thing. We all like to have friends and be liked. You didn't give the baked goods to be liked but it can be a by-product of the giving. But people still look for the strings. Sounds like the someone who told you baking was to gain loyalty was looking for the string.
You give because you want to do so. You can't keep people from making judgements about your reasons. If you give to get something in return, that is a purchase. You are the only one who knows why you give. Giving should be for personal reasons. You should not care what others think about it. My response to the person who said you were buying loyalty would be, "I'm sorry you think that," and let it go.
As to your brother, think of the pain he must be in to say hurtful things to you. Be sad for that. Call and say, 'hi' every now and then. If he starts to say hurtful things say 'I need to go now,' and hang up. It takes a lot of giving to keep this relationship alive. He is your family. It is hard to deal with but will pay off in the end.
@suspenseful (40192)
• Canada
2 Feb 11
Maybe you just like to bake and love for others to enjoy you cakes or squares. That is reason enough for me. Of course you could be the one who dare not keep the cakes at home because they are so delicious that you would eat them all yourself and you want to get rid of temptation. But I consider them unconditional since you realize that your fellow employees may not not be able to bake such good stuff that you do. So you are making them very happy. And here comes this killjoy who thinks you give just to gain their loyalty.
As for forgiveness, it does no good unless the person asks for forgiveness and says he is sorry.
@suspenseful (40192)
• Canada
16 Feb 11
Thanks for the best response and I hope your co-workers really enjoyed your baking. 
@sender621 (14893)
• United States
2 Feb 11
Giving should be something that comes from the heart. It should be something we want to to do. It should not have to be an obligation or duty. giving should not have a condition attached to it. When there is a condition, it takes away from the reasons we have for giving in the first place.
@getbiswa2000 (5544)
• India
2 Feb 11
Frankly speaking, all of us, human beings are fundamentally selfish. But I don't see any harm in that. Can taking care of yourself be wrong? I really don't think so. But at times you meet people whom you can describe with no better word than 'selfish'. What makes them stand apart from the rest of us? If you think carefully, you will discover that it's their objective of life. They always think, plan and process in short and fragmented form. They necessarily lack foresight. They confuse happiness with pleasure and chase the latter for it glitters more. As they are short sighted they can't see stars, but they certainly see the torch if you light it on their face. No one gives anything unconditionally to anyone. This is a ridiculous concept. However selfish people give in return for pleasure whereas wise people give in exchange of happiness. Even wise people can't give anything unconditionally, but their act surely appear unconditional because they don't want anything in material terms. In the end it is these wise guys who make real profit.
@h_consolacion (27)
• Philippines
2 Feb 11
sometimes there could be a lot of factors that can affect your emotions when you've done something. the technique i guesss is to stick to the reason why you give. if it is purely out of the want to help and ease the situation of the receiver then there is nothing to worry about. we cannot please all people. there would always be some differences in opinions wherever we may be, be it at home, in the workplace or even when we are simply going to out
