Friend is getting married but you're sure that he's gay.What to do?
@jacrosealbert (107)
Philippines
February 5, 2011 1:49am CST
hello... i know i shouldn't involve myself in someone else's problem (my friend and his fiancee) but i feel guilty and can't sleep because this secret is haunting me even in my dreams.. you see my friend(the groom) will be getting married to his long time girlfriend (5 yrs i think..) this year. I know i should be happy for them but i accidentally saw something that i should'nt have seen....You see i went to their house upon the orders of my mother (family friend) to give a gift to my mother's friend.. When i arrive at their house...the househelp said that the mom went to the parlor but my friend was upstairs with his "friend ( a guy)" from dubai(my friend worked in dubai for 2 yrs) So i went upstairs to give the gift to him..Then i saw my friend kissing his "friend"(torrid kissing and they were half naked.) I was shocked so slowly and quietly i went downstairs and gave the gift to the househelp and left..I didn't ask my friend about it because i don't know how to ask...I'm not homophobic and have many gay friends but... i really thought that he was straight and he's about to get married. What should I do...Hope someone could give me an advice... Thanks!
3 people like this
6 responses
@barehugs (8973)
• Canada
6 Feb 11
My advise to you is, "Mind your own Business!" Its not up to us the be our Brother's Keeper. Each person has his own row to hoe, His own nose to keep clean, and is responsible for his own life. We can do more harm and cause much unhappiness trying to run someone elses business. Perhaps you believe that you are doing a good turn, but in doing this, you are almost sure to cause hard feelings, and more unhappiness than you can ever imagine.
1 person likes this
@Maggiepie (7816)
• United States
6 Feb 11
How ironic that you use the expression "brother's keeper." Do you know the origin of the phrase? It's from Genesis, in the collection of books, records, poetry & other records called the "Holy Bible."
In it, Cain murders his brother out of rage & jealousy, & when God (rhetorically) asks him where his brother is, Cain says, "Am I my brother's keeper?"
Later in that same Bible, Jesus makes it clear we're all brothers, so yes, you are your brother's keeper. Friends must be honest with their friends, as brothers are supposed to be. One has a duty to stop something one perceives as wrong. If this "gay" man is marrying a female to disguise his true behavior, as happens with a lot of men such as he, then that is deceiving his bride to be, & if one sees a wrong being committed, as it would be in this case, it is one's duty to tell the truth. Not to do so would be disastrous for her, if she finds out after they have children, or contacts an STD.
Remaining silent in the face of things such as this is just as bad as the one who commits the bad deed.
The proof would obviously be in the revelation. That is, if she already knows, & is fine with it, then butt out. But if she doesn't know, then she was being lied to. Either way, it would be proper to see that she's informed!
Maggiepie
“The strongest reason for the people to retain the right to keep & bear arms is, as a last resort, to protect themselves against tyranny in government.” ~ Thomas Jefferson
@ShepherdSpy (8544)
• Omagh, Northern Ireland
5 Feb 11
It sounds as though you're the one who has the problem here..You claim this Guy as a friend,yet don't know what his orientation is..Have You known him longer than this Woman has? And yet He's about to get married after ~a 5 Year relationship with his fiancee..It could be that He's Bi...If He is,that's something for Him to explain his wife to be,if She doesn't already know about this by this stage-If you want advice,I'd say stay out of the situation...
1 person likes this
@jacrosealbert (107)
• Philippines
5 Feb 11
nah...I'm sure were really friends just lost communication when he went to work in dubai... But thanks anyway...
@Maggiepie (7816)
• United States
6 Feb 11
Tell the bride to be. She has a right to know, & your friend may only be using her as a front for his behavior. It's been done--often!
Maggiepie
“The strongest reason for the people to retain the right to keep & bear arms is, as a last resort, to protect themselves against tyranny in government.” ~ Thomas Jefferson
@piya84 (2581)
• India
5 Feb 11
After going through few such a situations i have come to the conclusion that minding your own business is best thing to do.Dont do free social work.It may backfire on you.You might tell his gf about this and she wont believe you!
If you confront your friend about this.He might simply deny it and cut contacts with you as this being gay is still tabu in Asian countries.You see you are loosing on both front.
@EdnaReyes (2622)
• Philippines
5 Feb 11
I think it would be better to keep quiet for the time being. It's not your responsibility to tell the little secret to his girlfriend now that they're getting married. Don't burden yourself with it and treat him as if nothing is between you. Keeping quiet is I think the only logical thing to do!Try to get over the shock and assess if you still want the friendship to continue or not!
1 person likes this
@celeste2224 (160)
• Philippines
5 Feb 11
Honestly, that is one dilemma that is so hard to deal with. well I think that the best advice that I can give you is confront the guy yourself, yes you don't wanna get involved but judging the situation you are in, you are involved involuntarily Id say so its better that you confront the guy, tell him that you saw him kissing his friend and let him to his thing, to tell your friend about the truth that he is gay before the wedding. In that way you are out of the scene, because he is the one who's gonna tell the truth to her and not you,unless he will deny the truth to you and to his bride to be, and you may never know maybe your friend knows about it after all. There are certain situations in life that all of us can't explained only the people involved.Well, Good luck!
