Why Don't People See that the Way They Love Me Is Worse than Hate?
@mythociate (21432)
Oklahoma City, Oklahoma
February 5, 2011 2:57pm CST
The opposite of love is not 'hate,' but "indifference."
(I probably 'ought to' extend that feeling to cover "the way people 'love' God," but then I'd risk inflating my head to inhuman proportions
)
Something like, 'they're okay with using me when I force them to, but otherwise I'm just another baby in need of a bottle.'
Okay then, I am a baby---a 29-year-old baby man! And the 'bottle' a man needs is "to be needed" - i.e. to be the person you check with before you decide what you were planning to do.
So how do I get people to stop 'loving without caring' and -to start 'needing'?
)
Something like, 'they're okay with using me when I force them to, but otherwise I'm just another baby in need of a bottle.'
Okay then, I am a baby---a 29-year-old baby man! And the 'bottle' a man needs is "to be needed" - i.e. to be the person you check with before you decide what you were planning to do.
So how do I get people to stop 'loving without caring' and -to start 'needing'?3 people like this
5 responses
@daeckardt (6237)
• United States
5 Feb 11
I don't know if you can change the way people are. I agree with you that people should stop being indifferent to the people around them. Being needed is something that is important to me too, and I'm a lot older than you and a woman. I think that people should realize that we all have certain needs and those should be taken into consideration at all times. You might start by communicating what you feel to those around you when they start being indifferent. If they know your needs, perhaps they can come closer to giving you what you need. Good luck with this.
2 people like this
@mythociate (21432)
• Oklahoma City, Oklahoma
5 Feb 11
Thank you, but I think the way I need people to need me has more to do with 'people I don't even know' needing me ... see, I'm highly family-oriented, but I can't hold a job (the 'green-eyed monster' takes hold of me;
(though I can consciously understand that the people 'above me' are simply 'on the same path as me, just starting a few days earlier,' my subconscious cries because I'm way-more awesome than them
and it causes me to look for 'wrongdoing' in their practices ...
(which is why I got fired from my last job, and is a habit that can only be broken when I am working at a higher- or equal level with everyone in the company---i.e. when 'being employed' = 'being co-owner' 
)
As I can't keep my mouth shut when I see people getting paid more-than-me contributing to dishonestness, no one's going to keep me employed long enough to see the real scams 
So--from safe-distance--I seem like an 'unworthy' (insufficiently moneyed) husband; so, women only come to me in the mood for 'a good time' (not for 'a committed long-haul').
So I am unable to secure the 'needed' position husband-hood and fatherhood bestow
and it causes me to look for 'wrongdoing' in their practices ...
(which is why I got fired from my last job, and is a habit that can only be broken when I am working at a higher- or equal level with everyone in the company---i.e. when 'being employed' = 'being co-owner' )
As I can't keep my mouth shut when I see people getting paid more-than-me contributing to dishonestness, no one's going to keep me employed long enough to see the real scams So--from safe-distance--I seem like an 'unworthy' (insufficiently moneyed) husband; so, women only come to me in the mood for 'a good time' (not for 'a committed long-haul').
So I am unable to secure the 'needed' position husband-hood and fatherhood bestow2 people like this
@daeckardt (6237)
• United States
5 Feb 11
I fully understand where you are coming from. I also have problems holding a job because of not being able to agree with people. I have quit jobs before because I didn't like the way other employees were treating our clients (I worked in a facility for developmentally disabled children and adults and it seemed that people there only cared about their paycheck). I complained about some of what I considered to be abuses and they wouldn't do anything about it. I changed from being full time to being on-call to take clients to the doctor. A few months later my parents went back to Alaska for the summer and I joined them because I couldn't deal with that job any more. Not quite the same, but not far off. I don't know how to help, but I do understand how it goes. Have a great day and good luck!
2 people like this
@mythociate (21432)
• Oklahoma City, Oklahoma
5 Feb 11
That's why I don't like a lot of these 'socialize for money'-sites you see popping up on the Internet ... because people come there for the money, and treat any friendships like 'extra perks to the job they are doing.'
@hardworkinggurl (37063)
• United States
5 Feb 11
Hello Mr. Manchild.
I so love to call young men/baby men Manchild. You said it though not me. Kidding aside most times when we are younger then our family and or friend acquaintances they do not see us as the take charge who can actually help them.
They sort of perceive us to be the needy ones. I agree with the first responder that you need to communicate your feelings, however it may not change anything as they will still consider you to be the "baby".
So only way I see it is to prove to them you are not the needy one but the giver so to speak.
@mythociate (21432)
• Oklahoma City, Oklahoma
5 Feb 11
You're right 
That would mean that I need the right kind of friends (following Jesus' example, without the last part). The kind of friends that will pass my Awesome on to all their friends (with my name, in Jesus' name)
That would mean that I need the right kind of friends (following Jesus' example, without the last part). The kind of friends that will pass my Awesome on to all their friends (with my name, in Jesus' name)1 person likes this
@DawGwath (1042)
• Romania
14 Feb 11
I actually enjoy loneliness. Friends and lovers have come and go and it always seemed at opportune times. It's not easy to lose them, but it's not hard to accept it. I prefer indifference rather than "conditioned love", especially when conditions exceed benefits.
So as long as I love myself there's little to no need for others to love me. (man, that sounds naughty) 
1 person likes this
@mythociate (21432)
• Oklahoma City, Oklahoma
25 Mar 11
I'm thinking of going around to all the dating sites I'm on and changing my profile description to that: "I'm straight, mostly human, and lazy. But I'm Nice."
@mythociate (21432)
• Oklahoma City, Oklahoma
21 Mar 11
"But it's All right now.
I learned my lesson well;
Guess ya Can't please anyone
unless ya please yourself."
The true Catholic denial of naughty: if anyone mentions it, deny it; if nobody mentions it, your job is done for ya.
An old Buddhist saying, "When the student is ready, the teacher will appear," or the other way `round. There are some 'conditions' I can't change---I'm heterosexual, mostly-human (part-angel ), and lazy.
But I'm Nice. Isn't that what a lady wants? 
), and lazy.
But I'm Nice. Isn't that what a lady wants? 1 person likes this
@Hatley (163776)
• Garden Grove, California
5 Feb 11
hi mythociate oh my G you are right and sometimes even well meaning parents slip into that just indifferemce whitch to me feels worse
than hate as its not an honest emotion, at least in my eyes. I was
brought up short when my son was about ten or twelve he asked me
what I thought about something,if it would be okay for him to do
it and I had just murmured "well its interesting.: And he let me
know what he thought of that answer."Mom you always say thats interestng when you really don't want to do something." I realized he thought I was against what he wanted to do. I really was not at all, and I meant more than just interesting.So I told him "yes I would love that, so go ahead and if I can help I would love to do that."I really was not indifferent at all, but I had not made myself clear.My husband
put love this way while he was courting, I love you because I need
you,I don't want to let you go. And its true love, real love is
a need, we want that person in our life, we wanted to be needed 
and if we are not its sort of an empty feeling. we want people to care about us, to need us like we need them. indifference I imagine has broke up more marriages than any other thing. good discussion by the way.
and if we are not its sort of an empty feeling. we want people to care about us, to need us like we need them. indifference I imagine has broke up more marriages than any other thing. good discussion by the way.1 person likes this
@mythociate (21432)
• Oklahoma City, Oklahoma
5 Feb 11
Excellent answer! (What I need to make this into an excellent discussion!
)
Makes me want to think of a new way to say "I need you to need me"--maybe making the 'pronouns' (you, me) more personal--i.e. 'I need you local playwrights and stage-producers to find more plays in which a central role requires a crippled hick (my typecast).'
Or 'I need Lorne Michaels to hire me as a "Saturday Night Live"-writer (paying for my move to NY, and my first few months' food, rent & utilities).'
)
Makes me want to think of a new way to say "I need you to need me"--maybe making the 'pronouns' (you, me) more personal--i.e. 'I need you local playwrights and stage-producers to find more plays in which a central role requires a crippled hick (my typecast).'
Or 'I need Lorne Michaels to hire me as a "Saturday Night Live"-writer (paying for my move to NY, and my first few months' food, rent & utilities).'
@magneto2011 (112)
• Philippines
8 Feb 11
"Loving without caring" does not make sense to me. It is like ordering HOT ICE inside the ice castle. Care is an essential component of love. A love which knows no care is not love at all as a figure which is not three-sided cannot be called triangle. Love and care are two inextricable values in life all earthlings need.
1 person likes this
@mythociate (21432)
• Oklahoma City, Oklahoma
9 Feb 11
Well, there are a few levels of 'care': caring that 'I'm still alive' and caring that 'I'm satisfied with my place in life.'
I AM alive, but I AM NOT satisfied!
