Should he go for the second child …….?

I really don’t understand Deepak that why she wants to rattle a settled boat? Her life seems to be perfect vis a vis the scenario in India all around us... both partners working, earning good, one child who’s not a baby anymore... having another baby at this juncture will surely spell a lot of trouble for everybody around. I think you too will understand what the problems could be, so no need of my elaborating on them. Only advise I have for her is the same I have for myself... being a working mom, I know only too well the hassles of bringing up a baby AND maintaining the job too, and I value my job more (practically speaking) than adding to the family without increasing income. Your friend too should ask the same of his wife AND if the wife still insists on having another baby, she can quit her job..... no other solution.

This is a difficult situation where there is a demand and the demand not met. The wife is right in wanting a spare for their only child. It is always good to have at least two kids as anything can happen to the only child. She is willing to sacrifice nine months of pregnancy and the pain of childbirth. She is pestering her husband probably because her biological clock is ticking away fast and hoping to have a girl to make a pair. Every child is a gift from God and even before a child is born to this world, God has already prepared the child's 'rice bowl' in this world. At least that is what the elderly people told me before. No matter how difficult the situation of the parents is, the presence of a new member in the family would not create heavy burden. Financial and family problems should be a secondary matter as every child should not be considered a curse but a blessing to the family.

Having a child is a personal choice and has to be done by the two people involved....after looking at all aspects. You say your friend is earning handsomely...then where does the financial constraint come in? Some people (maybe like your friend's wife) believes that every child needs a sibling....I've seen many people like that. Age is not a problem....most people nowadays have their second child in their 30s (we did too). The age gap also is a normal one nowadays. We had a family friend in Kuwait where the gap between both the kids is 12 years!! And this was at a time when the average gap was 2-3 years! I remember that my father didn't want a second child and my mother did.It took her a couple of years to convince him to have another one....but convince she did. In your friend's case....it is for them to decide...and there is no right or wrong either way.

I would suggest that he should go for second child as he is already 34 now and if he will do any late then there would be big age gap between siblings which is not good.Financial problem will always remain or he could do one thing try to talk to his wife about first improving financial problems together or saving some money for another child then go for another child.

Hiya dpk, That is a predicament indeed. She is still very young and can still have Children a bit later on. Seeing as his Parents can´t help as you say maybe she should wait a couple of years more. But seeing as she is also reacting that way in the sense that she wants to kill herself I don´t know could it be that she needs to see a Doctor to find out what makes her say that is because of something else? (Pregnancy?) It might be although I cannot know that myself. If a Child appears on the scene there will not be much they can do about it. But if not I would wait if it were myself. Sometimes when we are actually pregnant we can become overly sensitive to all around us and feel very tired at the start and say things we don´t really mean to.

Surely his wife must have told him how she would cope with the situation. She is as much aware of the predicament as he is. It would be interesting to know what the wife has to say about coping with the situation and may be then I could say a thing or two. So dpk please find out from your friend about this.

This is a difficult issue. In my opinion, I think two children are perfect for a family. If your friend will have a second child, it seems that his wife has to do some sacrifice. Such as she has to quit the job and then take care of the new born baby because the grandparents are too old to help. And it will create some problems, especially the financial issues. Today bringing up a child really costs a lot of money. But your friend's wife's attitude seems to be so serious and it is so harmful for your friend's relationship with her. I think they shall have a talk in peace to solve this problem. If one disagrees to have one more child, nobody can make a force to it. I love China

hi dpk I tellyouo if she waits longer than she is already 31 they will both regret it as once you are 30 the risk of birth defects is huge so no do not wait now is the time or forget it.I am wondering when you say he and she decided that they will not go for a second child if really this was the male talking and not her agreement at all.If they are to have another healthy child its now or forget it. I had one healthy child at 31 and a birth defective child at 32. the risk is really there so I would prod hubby to think about thie as she is almost too old now too be sue she can bear a healthy child.Your friend needs to guit the damned macho attitude and listen to h is wife.he comes off mocking his wife and being all arrogant and puffed up he big man she little stupid woman. I feel for her. she probably knows the longer they wait the more the risk of a child with birth defects.Perhaps and did you think of this maybe sheis already pregant and thats why she is pushinsg,it sounds like tow people who are not happy in their marriage in the first place.What is she suppoosed to do if she is accidentally pregnant and hes coming all over the macho male? have an abortion/

It is a huge predicament, that’s for sure and I can appreciate both sides to this situation. He does not want another child and he is very entitled to feel this way but on the other hand I have a lot of empathy for a woman who desperately yearns for a child because I have been there myself. It is a tough one to compromise on because when it comes to children there is no compromising! The fact that one partner says no would not make bringing a baby into the mix a good idea. I’m afraid she will have to talk to him and make a decision if she can truly give up the idea of another pregnancy or re-think the relationship. I don’t see an easy answer to this one, I’m afraid...

I think all they need is family planning. I know how hard it is to have a child. Having one seems enough for me but my wife wants 5. When we attended that family planning seminar last year, I was relieved to know that it only takes a few planning to bring up a whole family. Of course we need a lot of work.

If she is independent and earning well to taking care n taking all liabilities of the second child, then i think she should go for second child. Financial and family problems everywhere in every family, wise man fight against it in all circumstances understand the situation and manage everything. My respond is yes cause both are earning and able to second one.