Only child--“An only child would never learn to adjust

Hi kalav, Very relevant point. Since we broke our joint family and turned into micro family our children became victimized. This is a fact that children like to play with children only and not with elders. I feel pain when I look at my almost nine year old son playing alone and watching TV silently. Now he seems to have adapted to his loneliness at home. Actually we though only of an issue but now I feel two would be a better option.

I do not like the opt to have one child only. Since I am in big family,it is better to have more members than a single one. Even if the situation will be like you said, get apart and all that, yet still we have others. Single child even if they will be spoilt but not all of them will be so.It is better to have more than one child so the first one will not get so lonely and have company to play with.

I don't know how far that statement is true. It all depends on the right parenting. My sister has an only child. He is now 23 years and in his final year reading law. As far as I know he is not a spoiled child and never behave like one. My sister has fostered many children to partner him while he was growing up. So he was always around a younger or an older foster sisters and brothers. My sister did not officially adopt the children but they come over to the house and stay with them over the weekends and sometimes weekdays. But they call her 'mummy' and this probably has groomed his son in sharing which has indirectly taught him responsibilities.

Today the gap between society and family is narrowing down at a rapid pace and socialising is more seen with outsiders than with family members. That being the case having more than one child will hardly make any difference. Today a child gets exposed to outsiders unlike in the olden days when family was the main source for socialising.

Hi Kalav, A serious discussion and I would try to response with full sincerity - I believe, the break up of joint family is 75% responsible and the rest 25% is the modernization where both the parents need to work... they dont have time for even a single child's correct upbringing. My brother has one child and I know he loves him a lot. He stays in a joint family (here joint family=with our parents)and the kid is good. I mean he is under guidance, has friends in his grandfather and grandmom. Even I was brought up by my grandparents and they did spend time with me... They never let me feel the need of a sibling (though I have one brother, but those days we were staying separate, he was with our parents and I was with my grandparents). We both are close with each other, realize the values of relationships, what these expect from us and whet we can give to these relations. Yes, we did not have TV, cell phones, computers, games on PSPs etc and we did play games like family, snakes and ladders, the ones that needed joint participation... All this just because those who brought us up had time for us and they did play their roles efficiently... So it is the Valuable TIME of the parents or elders that matters and not the joint family or the nuclear family thing only.

If we have one child(boy/girl) then we will share more love with them only. They are our water in a desert. They are our god's gift. They have most significance in our life. And they are the next generation of our family. But the parenting is a typical job in this situation. The parents have to balancing the love and controlling the kid.

It certainly doesn't. I know of people who were an only child and they are definitely not spoilt. It depends on the outlook of the parents and how they raise their child. Today, a lot of parents choose to have one child and I do not believe that a sibling automatically brings greater closeness to a family. Haven't we heard of enough family feuds where the siblings are fighting with each other and the parents are torn between who to choose? And I have met many well-adjusted (sometimes better adjusted than people with siblings) single children. I do not believe that a child NEEDS a sibling. It is a choice the parents make if they want another child.

I have seen spoiled rotten only children and I have seen generous, giving only children. It isn't the siblings, its the PARENTS that are the problem!

Good morning,kalav56...I, too, have only one child and I learned early the truth of the old adage "it takes a community to raise a child." For which I am thankful for, because community and environment has a great bearing, as well as discipline and the fierce love of parents! Today...I couldn't be prouder of my ONLY child, he is learned, courteous, gregarious, adaptable, tolerant and hugely respectful. I still get compliments today, on his GOOD manners! Even today, he makes an effort to keep in touch with his peers, and adults that were part of his formative years. Am blessed to have a child, just one...as it was a huge learning experience for me, too! Take care...and Cheers!

I don't agree with that statement, the behavior of a child is reflection of the parent's nature. I am being alone child of my parents I am not like that at all and even I have alone child my son and he is not like that either. I am living with my parents so we get the all guidance.

i dont think a lot of thats true. i was an only child. because of that, my mom didnt spoil me. in fact i got spoiled more by my aunts and uncles that had more then one child. when i did anything mom knew who to punish. i had 5 because i always wanted siblings myself. although i'd have stopped at 3 but no God had more for me they have great memories of growing up together to, but they also live all over the place. my oldest and youngest both live here near each other and my 2 middle live in ohio near each other. one lives in florida and she misses everyone but thats life.

Hi kala, It depends on many factors. ultimately, of course it is the choice of the couple as to how many children they would like to raise.But, one thing I feel is that the child may be lonely since he/she will have no close family except parents to share thoughts!From my own personal experience I am very close to my brother and sister and they give me a lot of support and strength when I am undergoing stress or troubled times.But, again it does not happen with everyone. Some are closer to friends and cousins rather than their own siblings...

Ya it is a normal assumption people take that a single child is likely to be spoilt or never understands to share anything.I have grown up with my younger brother and it is true that you learn to share/care.But i do not think that an only child is sure to be spoit.It depends upon the bringing and the values he/she inherits from the parents. We are planning to have only one child but always make sure that he asks everybody before eating anything.These are the small things through which he realizes the true spirit of sharing and caring and these things will help him to be a responsible person.

hello kalav56! i think what you said holds true for some only child. However, it really boils down to the way a kid is brought up by the parents. An only child has the great tendency to be spoiled but being an only child does not guarantee that. It's just he will be more lonely without a sibling, but many families with an only child wonderfully made up for that by inviting cousins and neighbors at frequent interval so that their kids would not be playing and doing things on his own. I have known many only child and they are pretty much adjusted individuals. In fact some of them are much more responsible and nice to other people, much more than those kids with siblings.

I think that statement is only one truth. It applies to some only children, but certainly not all. It's also possible for children with siblings to be spoiled.

Hi Kala, I both agree and disagree to the veracity of the above statements coz being an only child myself, I want to offer my two cents on this LOL First and foremost, no child should be brought up alone or lonely. If the mother is there at home, then one child or two kids, it doesn’t matter coz the child/ kids always have company at home. If mom is working, then there has to be another sibling or hired help or extended family or the crèche... the child has to have some company, any age any place throughout the day. I myself know only too well how true the saying ‘idle brain devil’s workshop’ is and what havoc it can create on a child’s mind who has no company during the long annual vacations, three times a year. Secondly, about adjustment and sharing... I feel it depends more on individual disposition than anything else. Yes, some kids grow up selfish and thoughtless coz they’ve never learned or required to share... on the other hand, there are many kids like me, who’ve grown up only to eager to share with others so that they may make friends and spend some time with people. It is a sort of defense mechanism against loneliness that if you share or go out of your way to help, then people will automatically like you and befriend you. Irony of the situation Kala, is that now a mother myself, I too have an only child (something I swore to myself in my childhood that I would never have)... finances and the pathetic situation of private sector employment have ensured that I had to stop at just one child. However, God has been very very kind to me and, earlier my in-laws and now my parents look after my son while I’m away at office. So he’s never alone, rather he has a wonderful relation with both set of grandparents and my mind is at ease too.

My nephew is an only child, and I think he's very well adjusted.

It seems your true with your denouncement about only child, friend. The reason maybe is that they are always care by their parents. Because they spoiled them

Your opinion is true. They do have monopoly . The environment where the children are brought up plays important role. If they r brought up lonely they acquire dominating qualities. If they r brought in company of one more child they develop sharing, caring, and adjusting qualities. They know the value of one more company, which gives them playing partner, helping partner, and a friend with whom he can share his personal views. When young the single child may have certain advantages. But when they need blood relations to share certain things,they realise the advantages gain them nothing. I saw somany single children who feel lonely when they grow. When their friends go to their brothers and sisters places these people feel that they lack something more important and feel lonely, though they have so many friends. Friends and relations have their own importance in our lives. No one can take other's place.So I strongly sujjest two children. Of all pains loneliness is the worst pain.So people need company.I request all the young generation to have two children. That makes a perfect home. Home is better than single child house.

The stereotypical of single children. Yes, I do think being an only child would be lonely with anyone to play with. But isn't that a parents job to fill those voids. :) there really is up and downs for everything.