How can I make my life happier?
By thedataminer
@thedataminer (515)
United States
February 14, 2011 12:23am CST
Hi fellows, I've got the flu right now so I'm not feeling so well. I also am feeling very unhappy; I feel like I'm very emotionally unwell. I don't think I've ever been a happy person. I grew up in a small town and I didn't like it so I left at age 18. Then I ended up living in another small town for many years. I tried leaving that small town a number of times but ended up going back (failed relocation attempts). I did successfully relocate once for 1 1/2 years (me and my son) then I returned back to the small town. My entire life I been pretty lonely with few friends. Actually I've had no friends for some years - not friends that you go out and do stuff with. The last friend I had where I'd go out to coffee and stuff was my x-husband. I've always had my son and we go out and do things together (cheap places that is). I've practically lived on the Internet the past 3 years, trying and trying to make money but to no avail. My sleeping hours have been so messed up that I find myself sitting up on the Internet most of the night. I have lots of stuff I like to do online. But my life outside of the Internet is almost nothing. Every day my son and I take a walk, go to Hardee's or something, go to the grocery store and then back home to get back on the Internet again. I love my son and am happy he's with me but then a part of me really hates my life. I reaffirmed my belief that there is a God and Jesus Christ; I'm not saying I know for absolute certainty. I use to have a boyfriend before I relocated over 3 years ago but I was never totally sure of that relationship. I've not been out on any dates since then nor have I tried. I have many fears and anxieties. Plus I live with allot of guilt that I never returned home to my home town. My family never mentioned me ever coming to any holidays especially Thanksgiving and Christmas the past 3 years even years before also. My family just doesn't like me. I only have myself and my 2 sons - the 1 living in the town I lived in for many years. I feel like I've never really had a life. I feel like I must have turned the wrong ways years ago when I was young and things have never been great since. I'm not totally and utterly miserable because I have my younger son with me and I keep in touch with my older son but I'm pretty miserable. What can I do to get myself a "real" life? Thanks!
3 people like this
16 responses
@rsa101 (38166)
• Philippines
14 Feb 11
Well one thing I can advice you is to choose happiness instead of the negativity that surrounds your life. Sometimes it is a matter of choice that makes one a happy person. It is not the one that you see around and the one that touches you. You just simply have to choose to be happy with everything that is around you. Be happy for your child his father and the house that you live in and the things that surrounds you. I think sometimes we tend to see things negatively that everything looks bad and unhappy. Try looking at things differently, try to appreciate the things you have right now and welcome all that comes around you.
1 person likes this
@SIMPLYD (90721)
• Philippines
15 Feb 11
I totally agree with you rsa101. She just have to try looking at things differently and fight the feeling of sadness. Let not sadness triumph over your life. Think positive always and be happy that you still get to experience each day of your life.
@rsa101 (38166)
• Philippines
15 Feb 11
Yes sometimes when we look for happiness we tend to compare what we do not have that makes us more miserable in our feelings. I think that there are many things that you have you do not appreciate anymore that you should first appreciate before getting what you really wanted. Sometimes you only need to stop pause and think of happy thoughts to make your life happy. I try that as much as I could because I also live in a worlk full of negativity but I do not allow that in my system to sink in my wholeness.
@thedataminer (515)
• United States
19 Feb 11
Thanks fellow my-lotters for your nice comments and advice. Please see my above post where I spoke of my tmj migraine headaches. Well I was able to find a very good and caring doctor who is going to help me find the cause of my migraine headaches that I've suffered for maybe 10 years; I actually can't recall exactly how many years ago they started. But they've been so frequent and often that it's been hard to plan enjoyable things in life. It's not just that but having very little money to live on that leaves me feeling unhappy. I'm not miserable every moment of the day or anything; I do try to take pleasure in the little things in life, however, I guess I just dream about so much more. And yeah I know even though my son and I have little money, there's many, many worse off peoples then us. But I'm a believer in making things better; I just think it's something that's got to be worked on, that's all. I actually use to be allot more negative; I'm not nearly as negative as I use to be when I was younger. Tonight I'm feeling better.
@se7enthbird (8307)
• Philippines
14 Feb 11
the best gift that God gave us is the freedom to choose. freedom to think. all you listed here is the negative that you have. so why not pack them in a box and keep them. try to wake up in the morning with a smile. you sound very low. the first thing you have to do is help yourself. be happy. do happy things. dont drag your day on the same old routine. dont let your kid grow up knowing that this is life. do something progressive. i know its hard, but all of us had taste the hardship of life. i had mine too, but i dont like my child to grow up in the negative side of my life. as of now my mom is half body paralyzed for almost 4 years now, two years ago a big flash flood ruin our city and my mother`s house waswashed out up to the roof. the apartment me and my wife and son was washed out up to the first floor. but life needs to go on. stand up wipe the mud from your pants and start a new day with a smile. hope this helps. 
1 person likes this
@thedataminer (515)
• United States
19 Feb 11
I forgot to say that I am very sorry for your mom's condition; that's very sad. I'm sorry about the devastation you all had to go through. I feel so badly for people and other living creatures to that suffer these horrible devastating natural happenings. I can't think about that stuff to much because it disturbs me greatly - the suffering of people, animals, wild life and the environment.
@lilaclady (28207)
• Australia
14 Feb 11
You just have to make yourseld be happy, surround yourself with happy people, and remember life is too short to waste, and we have to find our own happiness, I know it is not always easy but try and either join a club or a good way to meet nice people is to volunteer for some sort of charity...I do hope you find someone or something to make you happy , we all deserve to be happy.
@thedataminer (515)
• United States
19 Feb 11
Hi, I wrote quite a long response the other day and then my computer was processing it to slow and then I copied and pasted it to try posting it over so then I'd lost it. I'm over the worse of the flu except for annoying chest congestion. Now my son is lying in bed miserable with the flu plus he's got the chest congestion also. Anyhow I'm feeling much better. Now I know just how necessary and convenient it is to go and get a flu shot. Anyhow, thanks for your kind response; I agree we all have to find our own happiness and keep trying. Yeah I thought of the stuff you mentioned before. I finally got myself a new doctor; he is going to help me with my problems with tmj migraine headaches. He thinks it might be hormone related. I hope he's right. Yes, I want to work toward joining a club or forming my own club. It's been hard for me to plan activities for a long time because of conditions I have. But I feel very hopeful now. Tonight I'm feeling pretty good. Thanks friend.
@MsPatriciaDV (635)
• Philippines
14 Feb 11
Change your perspective about things. Try not to look at the past because it's already been done. And if you fail in the things you want, just dream again and try to reach another goal. There are many stars in the sky.
Also, avoid looking on the things you can't do or you have done, and start looking at the things you are blessed with --- your son, you being alive and able to see and feel, the fact that you still eat (many people do not eat even if they want to). Let go of the people that make you feel bad. If they don't like you despite your efforts, then move on. Meet other people who can make you feel accepted.
Forgive yourself. Stop feeling guilty.
Put something new in your routines. Even simple things will help. Example, if you and your son will go on a walk, try another route than the usual route you take. Or find some time to do other things. Dance every morning --- they say exercise releases "happy hormones".
Also, lack of sleep really makes a person feel depressed and sad. When I was in my earlier years in post graduate school, I always sleep late and as a result, I always feel bad. Little things depresses me. Good thing I've coped up.
Everything is in the mind, my dear. Hope you'll feel better. Happy mylotting!
1 person likes this
@thedataminer (515)
• United States
19 Feb 11
Thanks Patricia hon, your words I appreciate allot; I feel your kindness and you don't appear in almost total negative judgement of me like allot of the other comments.
@sunset_haze (97)
• Philippines
14 Feb 11
hi there. I really understand what you are feeling right now. there are things that we can't explain.There are things that we hate but we still have to live up with. I think in order for you to be happy, you have to think happy. Be happy when it rains because it freshen up the surroundings, be happy when the weather is hot because you'll dried your wet clothes faster. What I'm trying to say is that, contentment in life and happiness are just state of mind. If I were you you'll talk to him, kneel down and call up to him. You pour all your emotions and feelings. You open up to god and thank him for all the good things you have. And also those things that had fallen out of place because one way or another it had taught you lessons in life.
@capoquek (60)
• Singapore
14 Feb 11
I think you should learn to appreciate on what you have now rather than keep thinking about how bad your life is, it only starts getting better when you have the right mindset. Besides, you have stated that you have reaffirmed your faith in the LORD, then you should already know what to do, you pray, give thanks to HIM, and ask him to lead you and guide you. God will make a way where there seems to be no way, you need to help yourself first before anyone can help you to stay happy. Did you not hear the story about the beggar living outside the rich man's house? why could the beggar, so poor, sickly and without a proper shelter be happier than the rich man? Because he has Jesus in his heart. Things will definitely get better for you if you start allowing HIM to lead you in your life.
1 person likes this
@thedataminer (515)
• United States
19 Feb 11
Well friend I do my best to not take for granted what I do have; I do my best to appreciate what I've been blessed with. But when the evil one has grabbed you with the demon "depression" for most your life things can feel emotionally devastating especially at certain particular moments of the day or especially at night. But I'm hearing you and right now I feel as if our Lord Jesus is pulling me out of it - even if it just feels that way for the moment. But then I'm thinking he really is helping me come out of my loneliness, depression and bringing me up into the light "his light". Thank you for your words.
@ganeshprabhuk (1722)
• India
14 Feb 11
Hi, I think you are too emotional due to the fever what is running now. It so happens when you are not well, you start thinking all such things and we become too low. Just a matter of time, everything would be fine.
@fourtwoohgee (4)
• Philippines
15 Feb 11
You've mention guilt, tsktsk. Guilt is the bond of evil. It is the main foundation of Catholic's faith. I know because i was born catholic. That's bad so get rid of "guilt". You say that you spend most of your time on the internet? TV and internet are very much alike in terms of dumbing cranial electrodes and manufacturing tumultuous body fats in one sitting. I suggest you find a hobby (except internet surfing) ,or for the matter, you seek yourself of what you really want and be good at it like an ADHD'ed cravings of a child. Age never hinders to still pursue dreams. You should also start loving yourself more. Remember that respect starts from ones self. Personal "drives" go by with age, you should replenish it by not being idle. do something with your life, internet is trash if you use unwisely. kill boredom. Have new activities with your kids. You don't need friends to agree whether your decisions, wants, needs, are right or wrong. Hey, you have You. You decide. There's no wrong decisions, it's how you perceive the cause of your actions. It feels like consequence is a very negatively cathartic word, but when you have no resentment with what you do, sorrow is a foreign word you're not about to encounter to. Just go with it... Take a deep breath....
@madp_071983 (228)
• Oman
14 Feb 11
By comprehending your truest and fullest purpose of existence here on earth. Not just simply earning a living, raising kids, being a dear friend, and the like.
@thedataminer (515)
• United States
19 Feb 11
Thank you kind friend for these words. Yes I've found my true purpose and I think it's my calling maybe. I'm trying to bring people to certain perspectives about rights and wrongs in life, like I make short little movies using pictures. I made one called "Emeline"; you can watch it on youtube and other sites. Right now I'm working on one about a man who lived and wrote novels to bring more social justice and good to the world. So I want to let people know about him; his name was Charles Dickens.
@aw5363 (105)
• Malaysia
14 Feb 11
hey, how are u. I've read Thru your post and i find some similarity between u and i, u know. iam also don't have many friends,i don't talk to my family except my mom . i spend most of my childhood working part time since my family are poor, my dad is gambling all the time. iam now 26 years old but i never have a girl friend before, when i was in my secondary school , i never talk to a girl before and they so scare at me, i don't now why. i think we all influence by our growing background. but luckily among those few friends that i have , some are very sincere and helpful , very supportive to me, they are the ones that always by my side each time iam sad so those are the friend that u need to find. u see, it doesn't matter if u have a lot of friends or not , but choose a friend that's kind and u can understand each other.and try to get involve with the community, do some charity or something. helping the needed can make u feel happy . about your family u should try to talk to them ..i hope u'll find happiness in life .
@outlawgirl3464 (97)
• United States
15 Feb 11
Well, you've gotten yourself a lot of similar advice. Pick yourself up and dust yourself off and find your happiness......
It's not easy by a long shot to be alone in the world, but you can find things to do that are not so mundane (same ole same ole). Perhaps your church has a single adults group that you could get involved in. I know around here there was a singles club that had dances every week and had things going on pretty much all week where people could get together and go do things together (go out to eat, go to the movies...those kinds of things).
Is there someone that you've known forever (male or female) that you could just get together every once in a while and go eat together or shopping? I don't know how old your son is, but if he's young it might not be doing him any favors just being the two of you every single day doing the same ole same ole.
Another thing you might want to consider, if you haven't already, is go see your doctor. There is such a thing as clinical depression. You might have that and all the people in the world telling you to pick yourself up and dust yourself off isn't going to fix it.
Being involved in the internet world can get to be a "safe place" for a lot of people, especially for people who don't normally want to or like to be around other people. It becomes a fairyland world where you can be what or whoever you want to be and no one is the wiser.
@lilionnafe (27)
• United States
14 Feb 11
Things arnt always as they seem and life gives you some really heavy crap to deal with but you just have to take it day by day and live for yourself be free go on an trip, visit with friends do something for yourself. There are many people that have it worse these days so your not alone dont isolate yourself form the wold because of the things your scared of in life you lived in small town that your usto. Maybe your should move to a big town meet some friends and start a new life that mite make you happier in life.
@thedataminer (515)
• United States
19 Feb 11
It's a good thing I'm feeling pretty good tonight because allot of these comments don't sound to me like comments you want to give to a chronically depressed person. And then some comments seem pretty harsh but then are messed with some good advice also. But people you're not going to make a depressed person feel better with your harsh words. Now you "lilionnafe" for one are saying a few really good sentences here and giving some great advice to me. I didn't understand in the second to the last sentence that says "in small town that your usto" - oh, I think you mean "use to". Ok, I see. Thank you; I really like what you had to say.
@sender621 (14893)
• United States
14 Feb 11
Doing what inspires you and makes you feel good about yourself is what can make your life happier. you don't need lots of money or expensive material possessions to be fulfilled. The simpler joys in life can make all the difference in what brings you your happiness.
