Adjusting to sharing custody of my daughter
By RaelinsDad
@RaelinsDad (3)
United States
February 14, 2011 12:55pm CST
Hey everyone, new here and in need of advice. I'm a dad to my amazing 8 year old little girl and am currently going through a divorce from her mom. When I left my ex I got temporary sole custody of my daughter but we ended up going to trial and our permanent arrangement is joint custody. I have primary custody (meaning I'm considered my daughter's primary parent) but her mom gets her every other week. This week is her second time with her mom and I'm having a hard time with it. Due to some of my ex's past behavior and some of my own feelings I worry big time about my daughter when her mom has her and up until two weeks ago, which was her first week with her mom, I had never been away from my baby before. I've been a SAHD dad and my daughter's primary caregiver since she was born and so it kills me to be apart from and have to "share" my child, as selfish as it probably sounds. I miss and worry about her like crazy! I keep being told by both my lawyer and everyone else that I'll eventually get used to this whole arrangement but I honestly can't imagine that! Is there anyone else here with shared custody or who has any tips or thoughts on how to learn to be okay with it? I know it IS important for my daughter to have a good relationship with her mom and that kids pick up on your emotions - and just need to know how to adjust. Thanks!
1 person likes this
3 responses
@JoyfulOne (6232)
• United States
14 Feb 11
First let me say, my heart goes out to you, that's really all hard I'm sure. Second, I think your feeling are honest and natural, especially since you were a sahd and had more interaction with her than most Dad's do when their kids are little ones. I think you have a good attitude as to realizing that she needs to develop a good relationship with her mom. I went through something similar with my divorce, and while hard to believe right now, it does get some easier with time. My girls were not much older than yours, so I told my ex I would call each day to say hi and catch up on their day. This lets the kid know that just because I wasn't physically there right that moment, that they were still on my mind. It also helped MY mind to talk and know that they were ok. Divorce is hard, and being separated from our children is even harder I think. The whole thing, to me anyways, is to make it easier on the kids with the back and forth transition. Good luck RaelinsDad, I think you're a good father:-)
@RaelinsDad (3)
• United States
14 Feb 11
Hey thanks, :-) I guess I'll just give it time and do my best to have a positive attitude about everything, I call my daughter or she calls me every night before bed when she's at her moms and it does help a lot. :-) I got to see my munchkin today actually, I went to help out with her class party for Valentine's day - and we had a blast. :-) You're right - making it as easy as possible for the kids is the #1 thing, and that's what I wanna do - what is best for my daughter. Thanks again. :-)
@sudiptacallingu (10879)
• India
15 Feb 11
First and foremost, welcome to mylot community.
Secondly, right now I feel like giving you a comforting hug... you need it more than your daughter.
As the first responder has said, keeping things normal for your munchkin is the key to it... in a few years she’ll be a teenager, so its important that you keep a practical view of the entire situation (don’t fuss so much that she will twist you around her li’l finger)...
She too needs to see both sides of the situation and form her own impressions...give her the space to evaluate people as she can.... as for other things, the mylot community is always here to help and advise.
And lastly... most fathers come across as spectators to parenting as nature has bestowed the primary privilege to us women... its wonderful to have a father who’s so much hands on, so much eager and happy to be a single dad
