Denying friend requests
By speakeasy
@speakeasy (4171)
United States
February 18, 2011 3:57pm CST
I just denied being a friend with a person, which for me is very unusual.
Normally, I only deny people who very clearly are using myLot to promote their own product.site. I check their profile to see what they are been responding to or what discussions they have started. If they only answer to mention their product or start discussion about their product - then they are just asking for the privilege of sending me private messages, They obviously have no interest in reading anything I write.
But, the person I just denied has never started a discusion or responded to a discussion. Now, if they were brand new to myLot, I could understand this. However, this individual was also listed as country - "unspecified". Why would someone not be willing to at least list the country they are from?
So, I waited 24 hrs and went back to see if they had done anything here on myLot - maybe they were new and had not had time to do anything. But, still nothing. So, a took a few seconds to ge deeper into their profile. They have been a member of myLot for 3 months and have 1,073 friends and they had just logged into the site 2 hrs before.
To me, this makes no sense. They have been in myLot for 3 months and are signing in regularly; but, they will not list what country they are from and the only thing they have been doing is accumulating friends.
The entire purpose of myLot is to discuss things. I realize it does take time to figure things out and some people do sign up and then decide they are not interested or do not have the time. But, this just didn't sound right to me - so I denied their request to become a friend.
What about you? DO you check people's profiles out before approving their friend requests? Have you ever denied someone's request to be a friend? And, what do you think this person is up to?
6 people like this
13 responses
@Catana (735)
• United States
19 Feb 11
Speakeasy, that sounds sort of like someone who sent me a friend request recently. Not as many friends, but that did seem to be the only thing they were doing here. I don't know why they'd bother. Maybe they're planning to put a bunch of banners on their profile page and wanted to line up the suckers first. I turned him down, of course.
I always check out anyone who wants to friend me. Most of the time, it's youngsters from a foreign country who I have nothing in common with. I don't really consider friending on Mylot to be very important. I really wouldn't care if nobody asked me to friend them. There are maybe two or three people who are interesting enough and who have something in common with me for me to want to keep track of them.
1 person likes this
@daeckardt (6237)
• United States
20 Feb 11
I feel the same way about friends. Of course, if I see a response that sounds interesting, I will sometimes ask them to be a friend so that I can get more topics to respond to since I get notified of friends discussions. I don't mind hearing from foreigners because my last job was teaching English in China and I would still be doing that now if I weren't back in the states for cancer treatment. Talk to you later.
@speakeasy (4171)
• United States
20 Feb 11
I do not mind the young people from different countries. They have insights into different events that are going on around the world and can at times give you better information than the newscasters. Also, sometimes I can clear up misconceptions about my country.
@daeckardt (6237)
• United States
20 Feb 11
Most of the time, I just approve friend requests. I will probably go through pretty soon and see how active these people are and if they are not, then they will go. I know when I make a friend request, it is usually after making a response to a discussion they posted or a response they made to me. I think a lot of people add me after they have responded to me also. I think that from now on, I will be a little more hesitant to just accept friends so that I don't get used. Most haven't sent me any kind of communication after befriending me, but even if they did, it wouldn't bother me. Talk to you later.
@speakeasy (4171)
• United States
20 Feb 11
I didn't go through my friends until I had been here for almost three years and I had a lot of friends that I was not seeing any activity from. I found people who had not even visited the site for two years. So, I set a 1 year limit for myself and when ever I go through and check my friends list, I delete anyone who has not logged on to myLot for 1 year or more. I figure if they have been away that long, chances of them ever returning are very small.
1 person likes this
@daeckardt (6237)
• United States
20 Feb 11
Thanks for the suggestion. I think I will do that right now! Last time I looked I had so many friends that I couldn't even see them all!
@GardenGerty (160708)
• United States
18 Feb 11
I left someone pending for awhile, then decided to go ahead and approve. There was not as many friends, but there was no activity. I was sure that there would be spam. I finally went ahead and approved, but there has been no spam. On the other hand I approved someone last night and got spammed this morning, even though he had started a variety of discussions. That is just not what MyLot is about.
@speakeasy (4171)
• United States
18 Feb 11
Spam me once and I ignore the message. Spam me twice and I delete the person. I can understand that sometimes a person finds something they just feel they have to share with the world and once they have done that most people will stop; but, more than once is getting pushy and I cut them off.
1 person likes this
@speakeasy (4171)
• United States
19 Feb 11
I don't know if this person is planning to send PMs or not; but, they are not even identifying the country they are from and have not written a single word in a discussion in 3 months. Why would I want to clutter up my "friends" account with them?
1 person likes this
@hardworkinggurl (37063)
• United States
19 Feb 11
In my nine months here on myLot I have yet to deny any members as I too was new at one time. I understand your reasons as I hear many have had issues with spammers and so forth. I would feel bad if I deleted anyone though and so far no issues with them.
I have been lucky thus far not to be spammed, I have on occasion received a spam PM but once I reply it stopped. It really is a preference and your choice to accept or not. I do not send friend request as I am very active and usually bump into the same members anyways. Most times we all think we are on friend list as we interact so often.
I have well over 500 on my friend list and not all of them are continually active so I have not had issues. Maybe I am just too lucky, lol.. If I was to have issues I would follow the same rules as you as who wants to be bothered we come here for fun and enjoyment, and since it is easy to deny and or delete then it would not be a problem to do so.
@speakeasy (4171)
• United States
19 Feb 11
As I said, for me to deny a person is a rare case. I think I have only denied 3 - 4 people in all the years I have been here.
I do occasionally go through my friends and delete people who have no activity for a year or more. I figure they no longer wish to particpate.
@hardworkinggurl (37063)
• United States
20 Feb 11
That certainly makes sense, and when I make a year, I suppose I should do that as a full year without activity would mean more likely did they will not return, or even remember me. lol..
Thanks I will certainly do that in a couple months. 
@jojo732 (294)
•
19 Feb 11
Hi Speakeasy
I accept friend requests,if they spam me(none have) well I would know they were not genuine my lotters, and I would just ignore their spams...life's to short to stress about why this person has so many friends here you know..
Have a great weekend
jojo732
@speakeasy (4171)
• United States
20 Feb 11
First spam, I ignore. Second spam, I delete. But, if it is obvious that that is what they are doing from their profile, I just don't accept their request in the first place.
With this person, I really don't know what she is doing.
@whiteheather39 (24403)
• United States
18 Feb 11
I always very carefully scan the requester's profile. Some who has no background with myLot, many friends, many banners promoting money making schemes and no personal information. Is for me an automatic denial.
@speakeasy (4171)
• United States
18 Feb 11
We all have to make our own set of guidelines about who we accept as friends and who we do not. I have seen some who are obviously promoting things on their profile; but, if their responses and discussions are about other things, I will give them a chance.
@sender621 (14894)
• United States
19 Feb 11
I usually have no reason not to accept a friend request. Just because someone might be promoting themselves in the request is not a good enough reeason for me to deny them a friendship., We are here to make friends and they will come in all walks of life. I wouldn't deny a friend request unless the request was not made in honesty.@speakeasy (4171)
• United States
20 Feb 11
That's the way I usually am. I have been here for several years and this is the first time I got a friend request from someone like this. Also, in all that time, I think I have only denied maybe 3 - 4 requests.
@danitykane (3183)
• Philippines
19 Feb 11
hi speakeasy,
I sometimes do, especially when someone has not responded to any discussion in here and has a huge number of friends on his/her profile. I used to accept friend request instantly without any hesitation but I experienced a spammer who just love sending links to other site and/or asking me to join scam sites. It's a bit weird and so, I check every profile who wants to be a friend.
@speakeasy (4171)
• United States
20 Feb 11
Actually, I started checking the profiles to see what country my friends were from. If I know something is going on in a section of the world, I will go to a friend's profile to see if they are saying anything about it. It is always best to get info from someone who is actually there.
Then I started using the profiles more to check and see what people were doing before accepting them as a friend after I ran into my first spammer.
@topffer (42156)
• France
18 Feb 11
Hello speakeasy,
I approved her -- she is at 1075 now 
--. I don't know if she is working for a place in the Guiness Book of Records or what, but she is very active : she has to check each and every discussion to make these friend requests, and some members are denying the request.
It is your right to approve or deny a member with a very low rating, and I understand the members who are doing this. Here is my experience : I have six members with a (0) rating, including this one : I never had a spam message from one of them. I think that three have been created by the same person or organization and I don't know their final goal. But they have been created seven months ago and have never sent a PM so they are not spammers. I check the profile, but I have never denied a friend request.
--. I don't know if she is working for a place in the Guiness Book of Records or what, but she is very active : she has to check each and every discussion to make these friend requests, and some members are denying the request.
It is your right to approve or deny a member with a very low rating, and I understand the members who are doing this. Here is my experience : I have six members with a (0) rating, including this one : I never had a spam message from one of them. I think that three have been created by the same person or organization and I don't know their final goal. But they have been created seven months ago and have never sent a PM so they are not spammers. I check the profile, but I have never denied a friend request.
@speakeasy (4171)
• United States
18 Feb 11
I will also approve people with a (0) if they are new - I figure they are just getting started and want to encourage them. Some of them never do anything else (they never come back to myLot) and others become very active.
But, 3 months or 7 months, with NO activity other than accumulating friends, does make me want to be careful. If she decides to actually write anything here (responses or start discussions); I would be willing to accept her as a friend.
1 person likes this
@puccagirl (7294)
• Israel
18 Feb 11
I usually do not check much at all. Maybe I should, but so far I haven't. I've always kind of seen MyLot as one big family. But it sounds like I should definitely start checking more!
@speakeasy (4171)
• United States
18 Feb 11
Even big families have an occasional member that causes problems. With myLot you can actually pick and choose who you want to be a member of your family.
I am not saying the person I denied is "up to no good"; I am just saying that something seems rather strange and I am not going to take the risk in this case.
@lexirose7350 (459)
• Philippines
19 Feb 11
Yes I do check the profile.I also check if they participate in discussions and make responses.I encountered some who just want to have referrals on their site...but to each his own - if i find them interesting i accept if not, i just ignore it especially those who just take advantage and not really interested in discussions.
@pocoyojk (48)
• Philippines
18 Feb 11
whew! thanks for those guidelines in accepting friend requests.. I am one those millions that just accepts friend request. From now on, I'll do what you've done and not just here but to my other social accounts as well...
Kudos to you! Cheers!
@speakeasy (4171)
• United States
19 Feb 11
Well, as you can see from reading the different responses, we all have our own set of guidelines for accepting friends. Do whatever you are comfortable doing. But, after you start getting a lot of friends, it becomes difficult to keep track of the ones you do like to hear from and then you have to decide what to do with them - ignore them, delete ones that are not active, or just become more selective about who you accept in the first place.
