How to put baby down to sleep for the night.....
@penniestoadream (469)
Canada
February 22, 2011 10:34pm CST
My wife and I have a 13 month old daughter. She has been awesome so far and love her to pieces. Ever since she was born, my wife and I face the ever daunting task of getting Farrah to go to bed for the night. She's a great sleeper, don't get me wrong. Usually, she'll sleep from around 7:30 or 8pm right through until 7-7:30am the next day. She doesn't wake up crying for a bottle, we made sure to stop that early on, but the issue with getting her to bed is.....what is the best way? You see, I usually rock her to sleep in her room where it's nice and dark, plus the humidifier is humming which tends to drown out some of the noise from the apartment. On a good night, I can usually have her sleeping in 15-20 minutes of rocking her, but she is starting to get heavy and I find myself in a lot of pain. When I sit down in the chair in her room, she sprouts up thinking that she has won the battle and now she can cry. lol She hates it when I stop. I'm sure it confuses her, but now I have to have her in my lap to get her to sleep. If things don't go well, it could end up taking her 1-2 hours to fall asleep. I find a lot of the time when I'm rocking her, she tends to kick violently and then starts to cry and scream, which leaves me a little frustrated thinking that I have to start all over again. My wife, on the other hand, has always had her fall asleep on her lap in the living room (on a nursing pillow). Tonight I talked to my wife and she said that it took 1 hour and 40 minutes with Farrah in her lap to get her to fall asleep. Not only that, half an hour later she woke up again, so now I'm writing this discussion here at work (I work evening shift).
We always feed her a bottle and have a great bedtime routine with changing into pj's, brushing her teeth, reading a book, and a bottle of milk/formula before she is finally "put to bed". We've tried to "sleep train" her....well....I did for one night and it was the worst cry-fest I've ever heard. My wife wanted me to put her in her crib with her teddy bear and then wait in the room with her (on the floor with my back to her) until she fell asleep. To me, this was stupid, as she could clearly see Daddy sitting on the floor. She stood up, started whining and crying, and then literally threw everything that was in her crib out. Teddy bears, blankets, everything!!! I couldn't handle the screaming, so I eventually picked her up and then brought her to the living room where she eventually fell asleep on my lap. That put a pretty quick end to sleep training. It's just that we feel she's so smart that as soon as we try to put her down in her crib while she's awake, but a little sleepy and ready for bed, she instantly flips to her stomach and will cry uncontrollably, to the point where she sounds like she's about to choke, unless we come in to soothe her. What are we doing wrong? How can we get her to the crib while she's away and have her fall asleep by herself? Like I said, it's not a waking in the middle of the night thing, she's good at getting herself back to sleep that way, but not initially. Help!!!!!
1 person likes this
6 responses
@carol2532001 (467)
• Jamaica
23 Feb 11
Wow, I think you have a big problem there that is not going to be resolved any time soon. Sorry to have to tell you that. I think you started off wrong by getting her accustomed to falling asleep in your arms. Babies are trained and that is how you have trained her to go to bed. I had no problems with my two sons and I told their wives the same method and my grand kids have never had a sleeping problem. As soon as they get drowsy, make sure the tummy is full, the bottom dry and put them down in their crib, pat gently on the back to reassure them that the love is still there and they go out like a light. Start this from birth and they wont know any other method. They will fall asleep in your arms on occasion but make this the exception to the rule. You also have to set a specific time for bedtime and stick to it like glue. Later when they get older they will always fall asleep at that time. I remember my second son used to get very frustrated because as soon as 8pm came he was fast asleep, no matter how hard he tried to stay awake for any special occasion. Once you have trained the mind it sticks to it until you train it to something different, some people get up at the same time every day like clockwork, no matter how late they might go to bed. The mind just adjusts itself and knows that it now 6am and its time to get up.I have been thinking and the only method I can think of right now is to lie with her on a bed, read a story to her, her mind will be focused on listening to the story but gradually the tiredness will take over and she will nod off, then gently transfer her to her crib. Make this a nightly routine at the same time and gradually she will be trained to fall asleep at that time. It wont be easy at first so be prepared to read for a long time, you might fall asleep before she does! I hope this will work for you.
1 person likes this
@penniestoadream (469)
• Canada
24 Feb 11
Yeah, we always try to get her nightly routine started at around 6:30pm, and she's usually asleep by 7:30-8pm. We do read a story to her, but not a novel that will put her to sleep while listening to it. That kind of goes with having her lay in our lap to fall asleep. I would really like to get her to the point where we can set her in her crib while she's a little bit tired and say goodnight, and have her fall asleep on her own, but we're just not sure of the best method to get to that point and to cut her off (not entirely....I'm sure there's going to be those special times still) of needing the lap or rocking to be able to fall asleep.
@carol2532001 (467)
• Jamaica
26 Feb 11
As I said try laying on the bed beside her, you don't want to have her in your lap when she is 3 years old and if you continue to do that, that is exactly what is going to happen, along with a lot of fights to get what she wants. This way she can rest her head on you if she wants and you can have your arms around her then gradually let her rest fully on the pillow by herself as she gets older, then move to sitting on a chair beside her crib as you read to her, making sure that she is able to see the words and pictures as you read.
@carol2532001 (467)
• Jamaica
26 Feb 11
I just wanted to add that I didn't force my sons to have a nap in the afternoons. They would literally play until they dropped. They would just climb in a bed, chair or sofa and go out like a light. They slept for the amount of time that their bodies needed to rest and then they would be up and going again. Bed time was different, there was a specific bed time and even if they had slept for a long time in the afternoon they still had to go to bed at that time, sometimes they would play for a while but in no time at all they would be asleep. They are 3 years apart and before my second son was born this still applied to the first one. The same thing applied to the potty, I didn't force them to sit on a potty for ages, Just explained to them over and over what it was for and they eventually just used it. The first one by the time he was 2 and the second before he was 2. I know some kids are fully trained before that age but I didn't want then to have any hangups about it so I just left them the freedom of choice.
@pastigger (612)
• United States
23 Feb 11
My daughter also got used to going to sleep in my arms because when she was little I would hold her for at least 20 minutes as she had reflux. Then as she got older the reflux went away. I would lay on her floor next to her toddler bed until she feel asleep. Well this go to be about a one to two hour task and I was falling asleep before her. I was lucky as she figured it out pretty quickly but now bed time takes about 5 minutes, that is after bath, brushing teeth and putting on pjs. I put her in her bed and we read ONE book (used to be one pile of books) I give her a hug and kiss and cover her up and leave the room. It will take time to retrain her and it seem the smarter they are the more stubborn they are but you have to show her that you mean business and you can't pick her up and let her fall asleep on your lap because you are showing her that if she cries long enough you will break. I know it sounds heartless, trust me you will be more upset than she is. I used to have a cd on for my daughter also but she doesn't want that anymore. You might also want to try a night light. My daughter is three and still has one but it is really more for me as it is easier to check on her at night with it. My daughter used to be really stubborn at nap time she would throw everything out of her crib and finally tire her self out and fall asleep. I had a horrible time with naps for a while. But she figured out that the crying was getting her no where and finally would just either go to sleep or play quietly in her crib for a while. You have to stay strong and it will be sooo hard. But if you stay strong she will learn to go to sleep on her own. I am not sure how you put her down for naps but start doing it the same way putting her in her crib. The sleep training when you are in the room with your back turned never worked for us either. My daughter has only upset herself so bad that she did throw up once. They tend to not like it and that actually had nothing to do with bed time. I felt horrible but it didn't stop me from telling her NO next time that was the answer. It is hard but it will be worth it in the end. It may take a few tries but you have to stay constant with it. Good luck.
1 person likes this
@pastigger (612)
• United States
24 Feb 11
After I put my daughter down she would start to cry and I would not go back until she stopped crying. This sometimes took some time, but the good news is it will take less and less time each time that you do it. When you go back in she knows that if she keeps crying you will come in with her. You could try just shutting her door part way so that you can peak in without her knowing. You are going to have to let her cry it out at least once. Pick a routine and stick with it. Hug, kiss book and then to bed. Do it the same way in the same order and she will start to know that it means bedtime. Right now rocking means bed time. Let her throw everything on the floor do not go back in to put it back. Going in a leaving again will just upset her many times instead of just once. If she is already tired when she starts she shouldn't cry for too long, hopefully, I have a home daycare as well and I had one little guy that would cry if I put him down and finally I had to just let him cry I thought that I might go crazy for a few days as he could keep the crying up for hours but after a few days he got used to in and didn't cry anymore. I had to let him know that I would not carry him all day and I had to stick to it. If he got hurt from falling, as he was still a little shaky I would bend down to him and make sure he was ok I would not pick him up. Children will see how far they can push you and some seem to be more determined than others about it. I can still remember waiting for the quiet in my daughters room and I would peek in and everything would be on her floor and she would be passed out asleep. Pretty soon I would put her to nap and she would play for a few minutes and then go to sleep. It will get better, even though it may seem hopeless right now.
@penniestoadream (469)
• Canada
24 Feb 11
So, when you did your sleep training...exactly how did you do it? You see, Farrah will throw everything out of the crib and I'm not sure if I should pick it up. I don't want to turn it into a game for her. Today, I tried putting her down while she was tired. She ended up playing for 15 minutes in the crib (with me not in her room), then she started to whine a bit. The whining continued and turned into crying. I came to her room a couple of minutes into her crying and everything was on the floor. I picked it all up, placed her on her side (only way she'll fall asleep), put the cover on her, gave her the teddy bear, rubbed her back for a few seconds, and then left the room. This caused her to bolt up and start to scream and cry. I repeated this a several times, each time increasing the time I was away from her room, but she was crying so badly, again, I was scared she would throw up. Am I doing it correctly, or should I be changing something? I leave her door open so that she can still her me, but that seems to drive her even crazier.
@browneyedgirl (1264)
• United States
15 Mar 11
You could try just snuggling her against your chest with her head on your shoulder for a little while and then easing her into a cradling position in your arms. She might be having a bit of a tummy problem/gas? if she's drinking milk just before bedtime...you could try water or a diluted juice. Another thing you can try is to put her in her crib and then sit on the floor next to her crib and hold her hand or rub her hand or her back to let her know you're there-it's very soothing to some babies, plus she gets ready to "go it alone" when she's a bit older. I have four children; and each one was different in their sleep rituals. My youngest I had to sleep right next to, and she would grab a fistful of my hair and fall asleep with it...I used to have to pry her little fingers loose and sneak away when she fell asleep. Sometimes, especially when you're exhausted, it can be very frustrating-because they can sense our moods and tension, it makes it hard for them to relax too-but in the end it's all worth every minute and they are moments that you will cherish someday. Sometimes I still can feel that little fist in my hair, or the little head on my shoulder--and they are some of my favorite memories. God bless.
@rog0322 (2829)
• Cagayan De Oro, Philippines
23 Feb 11
Hi pen,
I have gone through two kids before, and got the same sleep problems as yours, when the ambient temperature goes way up high during the night. I have observed that they tend to fall asleep easily when the temperature is down to at least 30 deg Celsius. My second child, especially, who doesn't have any fuss getting to sleep ever since she was a small baby. She just go out without ceremony when the temp is right.
Maybe your girl just want to have more attention now. It happens sometimes to my children too.
1 person likes this
@penniestoadream (469)
• Canada
24 Feb 11
Maybe I'll change the temperature in her room to see if she would be more comfortable, although, it's pretty nice in there. Not too hot and not too cold.
@r3jcorp (1382)
• Philippines
24 Feb 11
Hello Pen, I'm glad you're doing your share as a father of your baby. That was a good bonding moment with your daughter. My husband do the same way that you do when my children are younger. When I am tired and the baby is unstoppable in crying, my husband will get the baby, put her on top of him, and it makes wonder in our daughter. She began to relax then bit by bit, becoming sleepy. Until now that my daughters are in school age, my husband is still very eager to attend to their needs. He even attended to school meetings, do their projects or assist in reviewing them. He had a big contribution in molding a disciplined and intellectual children.
@drinylane (117)
• Philippines
23 Feb 11
yes maybe you started this wrong but since the problem is already there. you might want to try buying a rocking chair. this is just an initial solution to the problem. since the child is heavy, you can sit on a rocking chair while you put her to sleep.
