I feel bad...........
@jahernandezrivas (11288)
United States
February 26, 2011 1:55pm CST
I am married and have been with my husband almost 9 years as some of you know but I have a problem!! My thoughts are getting cloudy!
I love him so much but something happened around the Holidays something I am ashamed of but it was only a kiss yes me and his brother kissed, I feel ashamed, I was drunk we had all gone to a casino when his family was here and on the way home on the bus it happened but I fell in love with him. Actually to tell the whole story I was with someone fro almost 7 years and he had passed away and my husband worked with my x that passed away and he invited me over to watch some movies and he was living with his brother and nephew at the time and I was crying for days, because of my x that passed and my husband now well you know and he said he was sorry, but we became really good friends and ended up getting married like 3 years later, but all the time in my mind I have always been attracted to his brother but no one ever knew that only me! Now I can not stop thinking about him at all I feel like a stupid teenager in love all over again and IO know I have to forget it!! There is no hope there what can I do? Sometimes I feel so sick because I have been in love with him since the day I first saw him? My husband is by far a much better man and yea we argue a lot but what relationship doesn't? I had took some pictures when we all went and I have a picture of him and I find myself looking at it everyday and feeling sad, what can I do please I need a response I don't want the people here to think I am a bad person, It is just the truth and how I feel.
I love him so much but something happened around the Holidays something I am ashamed of but it was only a kiss yes me and his brother kissed, I feel ashamed, I was drunk we had all gone to a casino when his family was here and on the way home on the bus it happened but I fell in love with him. Actually to tell the whole story I was with someone fro almost 7 years and he had passed away and my husband worked with my x that passed away and he invited me over to watch some movies and he was living with his brother and nephew at the time and I was crying for days, because of my x that passed and my husband now well you know and he said he was sorry, but we became really good friends and ended up getting married like 3 years later, but all the time in my mind I have always been attracted to his brother but no one ever knew that only me! Now I can not stop thinking about him at all I feel like a stupid teenager in love all over again and IO know I have to forget it!! There is no hope there what can I do? Sometimes I feel so sick because I have been in love with him since the day I first saw him? My husband is by far a much better man and yea we argue a lot but what relationship doesn't? I had took some pictures when we all went and I have a picture of him and I find myself looking at it everyday and feeling sad, what can I do please I need a response I don't want the people here to think I am a bad person, It is just the truth and how I feel.2 people like this
11 responses
@sid556 (30960)
• United States
27 Feb 11
Hi there,
Feeling as you do, you have to do your best to keep yourself from being in situations where you could be alone with this person. I would also suggest that you put that picture away in a place where it isn't so easy to pick it up and look at it. You don't say whether or not the brother is married or has a girlfriend. Does he? Regardless, I think you would seriously regret it if anything happened between the 2 of you. That is his brother and it would be doubly painful for your husband if you were to have anything to do with him and more so than if it were an outsider. Also, this guy is willing to screw over his own brother...says a lot about his character. Don't ignore that little red flag.
1 person likes this
@sid556 (30960)
• United States
27 Feb 11
I really hope you are successful. Divorce is no fun at all and I feel you would regret it if this went any further. You said that your husband is a much better man than his brother. Try to dwell on that thought. If you ponder this too much eventually you will be in a spot where your guard is down again and next time it may be more than just a kiss. Does the brother know how you feel?
1 person likes this
@jahernandezrivas (11288)
• United States
28 Feb 11
Probably I really don't know and don't really care anymore I t was all just a stupid mistake!! I am going to try and forget the whole thing happened!!
2 people like this
@jahernandezrivas (11288)
• United States
27 Feb 11
No he is not married and does not have a girlfriend either, I am trying to let it go and just be with my husband. Thank you for your response.
2 people like this
@sunny5u (2069)
• India
27 Feb 11
hi actually its really very tough situation u are facing but i would like to tel you one thing which always i tel my friends 'if you love two people at a time then prefer the second one because if u really love the first one then you don even think of the other, it all happens b'cause if people doesn't can't differentiate between love, infactuation and attraction. But in ur case irrespective of all things happened u first stay cool just like perform some medititation and then take a decision but remember one thing ur husband seems to be like a descent person and i think he cares u much so try to forget about brother, keep him away from you and the love u hav on ur husband should be like a hatred(not exactly all time but till u settle down in this aspect). I've told what all i felt but i knew its easy to tel sum1 rather than experiencing that situation. Hope u'l love ur husband the most and b with him forever.
@jahernandezrivas (11288)
• United States
28 Feb 11
Thank you for your response and I want to forget the whole thing happened with his brother!! It was a stupid mistake on my part and will never happen again!! Thank you and Have a great Day!!
1 person likes this
@kalav56 (11464)
• India
27 Feb 11
You are confused and are torn by different feelings. You say your husband is a good man. If you were in love with his brother how come you married this man who is your present husband? YOu have also lived with him for the past three years. Your guilt cons cience makes you get even more confused.If you are sure you love him and he returns your feelings, then walk out of your marriage and see the brother. THis husband does not deserve to be led.If there is no chance that the brother loves you , just put it down to some momentary drunken imbalance and stay faithful to your husband.THrow away thsoe pictures and take a grip over yourself.
1 person likes this
@jahernandezrivas (11288)
• United States
27 Feb 11
I am going to forget it ever happened and ignore him and stay with my husband. Thank you for your response.
1 person likes this
@jahernandezrivas (11288)
• United States
28 Feb 11
Yes it was all a stupid mistake on my part!! I am going to forget about it!
1 person likes this
@Lore2009 (7378)
• United States
27 Feb 11
His brother? Yikes, are they close? I'm so sorry you're stuck in a situation like this... what is it that you want to do... and depending on that there will be consequences that will be hard to face. Best wishes.
@jahernandezrivas (11288)
• United States
27 Feb 11
Uhh yeah W.T.F? What can I say they are close but my husband was working with him and my husband is a hard worker and he told me it was so hard to work with him because he was lazy and did not pay much attention when he was trying to tell him how to do things. God if I only knew how he felt about me and how things would be if everything were different?
@Lore2009 (7378)
• United States
27 Feb 11
Hi Ja-
Why is it going to make a difference for you if you knew how he felt about you? Will that make you like him more? If that is so, I think that is just lust and not really love because if you love him just for him, it wouldn't matter if he loved you back or not, you know? Are you in a bad marriage or relationship with your husband?
As much as I know how hard it is to 'control' lust and love and emotions like that, I hope you will see that there will be consequences and hurt feelings to other people especially to those who really care about you(especially your daughter below).
@jahernandezrivas (11288)
• United States
28 Feb 11
It does not matter and I don;t care how he feels about me I mean the brother because I know it would never happen and I am going to forget about him!! The brother!!
@larrychen (165)
•
27 Feb 11
Sorry for your situation. Love is really blind sometimes, but we are not. There are many kinds of love and we should make some choices in our life. Do you really love the brother of your husband? Then how do you feel about your husband? You husband is a good guy who reached you at your worst time, thus your two became good friends and then got married. Since you have got someone who loves you and you love so much, you shouldn't try to love some other guy. But obviously you have. No matter what a feeling it is for you to the brother, you kissed each other. So, I guess it's some kind of love, or appreciation. Yes, we always have the right to love someone, as people always say, love is something amazing which is hard to handle. But we don't have the right to hurt someone else because of our hard-handled love.
So, in my opinion, it's not your fault for you to fall in love with someone else. But it's your responsibility to make a right choice without hurting anyone, including yourself.
Please make sure whether you still love your husband and whether you wish to live with him.
Please make sure whether you really love the brother and whether he loves you the same.
I know it's really not easy to make all such things clear. But, they will help you to make the decision.
Do you want a common life or do you want to follow your own heart?
Good luck to you and please be careful to make this choice.
@jahernandezrivas (11288)
• United States
27 Feb 11
Thank you for your response and I have decided to forget about the brother and stay with my husband, Have a good day.
@jahernandezrivas (11288)
• United States
28 Feb 11
Because I know he does not like me so I am forgetting about everything and even if he did I don't care it was all a stupid mistake!!
@hafiz34 (39)
• United States
27 Feb 11
Dear friend! you are doing a bad thing really. You are cheating with your husband who believe you and also with yourself. This is also great sin. There is nothing impossible for man/woman. So if you try, you can give up this bad thing and you will be really happy i think. Think deeply and try to realize it's bad consequence what you are doing.
1 person likes this
@jahernandezrivas (11288)
• United States
28 Feb 11
I know I feel bad every time I think about it and I am forgetting about it! Thank you for your response and Have a good day!
1 person likes this
@amirev777 (4117)
• India
26 Feb 11
Hi
Its really a catch-22 situation that you must be finding yourself in. So you are deeply in love with your husband's brother. It would have been different thing altogether if you had fallen in love with some third person. You could have talked to your husband and perhaps gone for a divorce with mutual understanding. But now if you carry on this secret rendezvous with your hubby's brother, things can really go really very nasty between your hubby and your brother and you will be sandwiched.
@jahernandezrivas (11288)
• United States
26 Feb 11
Yes it is a strange and confusing situation for me for real!!!
@dainy1313 (2370)
• Leon, Mexico
28 Feb 11
And your husband is a human too... just give him another chance!... Blessings!... Dainy
@dainy1313 (2370)
• Leon, Mexico
28 Feb 11
Sweetie, don´t feel bad... we are humans! I do understand you quite well! But, if you have children you have to be strong enough to stay with your husband. Just be strong enough... I wish that you had just have a great weekend, be calm. Kind blessings!... Dainy
@jahernandezrivas (11288)
• United States
2 Mar 11
Thanks for understanding and being there with your response, I am trying to forget about the brother but it isn't easy. But time will take care of that feeling I have and hopefully it will pass!!
@zjdway (25)
• Qingdao, China
27 Feb 11
I am very sorry to know your situation.In this things you have two choices: forget the brother live with your husband in love,leave your husband and his brother(you can not leave your husband and marry his brother). Maybe your husband's brother also married, if it is your situation is worse. From your word i know you are a good woman, and you love your husband. You will make the best choice.Good luck.
@jahernandezrivas (11288)
• United States
27 Feb 11
I am going to try and forget all about what happened and throw the picture out!! I want to be with my husband.
@prime74j (38)
•
27 Feb 11
i appreciated your openness and of wanting to be help. that is a good attitude. regarding your situation you must think first and foremost your family. your family is your priority in life. when we get married with your husband you made a covenant with him and to God. now since this guy whom you love before came again, think first of your family, your children. your children is the first one to be hurt. so better divert you feelings to your husband. love him more than as before and your children.
@jahernandezrivas (11288)
• United States
27 Feb 11
Thank you and I just want to be with my husband, and forget about the brother.
@jahernandezrivas (11288)
• United States
28 Feb 11
I know his brother would never care for me like my husband does and it was all a big mistake!!
