Jealousy: What is That?

Hello, Jennyze Your response made me think. Hmmm. I might be. Yes, I do care that's why I ask him and wanted the truth from him. This is my family, he is my family so I have the right to know when I have something I knew of that I need to be informed. FB does can make or break a family. But, re my comment to his link, I wasn't jealous at all.I know I am not.

I absolutely agree, dear.

That's what I told people around me, when they accused me of nagging, that's because I care. If I don't care, I would not even bother to ask.

It means you are magnanimous to him and you have allowed him to 'do' whatever he feels like doing. In my view, you have thrown the ball in his court. Now it is for him to decide what is 'important; for him, his wife or others (read other women)?. I wish he should get 'saner'. I can understand that when you stop worrying about your partner and feelings of insecurity stop coming in your mind, it means you have gone 'neutral' towards him. To my mind, if you love someone deeply some degree of 'possessiveness' about him/her is bound to come in your mind. There is nothing wrong in being your hubby's friend but he cannot ignore the fact that you are his 'wife' first and friend thereafter (I mean being wedded to him, you just cannot be his 'friend' only).

Hi, dear. How are you? I'm glad to hear your views about this. Yes, I have written him a message telling him I am giving him the absolute freedom to flirt. This doesn't make me feel bad at all, but, instead I feel like I had been freed from all the stress he had put me through. And honestly, I am scared of my own feelings. Scared that I realized now that I am not in love with him anymore. Scared that I don't give a damn if he will eventually had an affair with someone else because I know in my heart that if he does, I will not do anything to stop him and that it is over. Fear, anxiety, insecurity... Those things i do not have right now or I do not feel right now. Nor I don't feel possessive toward him, either.Because I am letting him go and letting him do anything and everything that he likes and prefers to do. I can even joke about it without having that ill feeling, of which he thniks that I am hiding behind those jokes. But, honestly, I just want him to feel free talking about those girls and his escapades. I am more of a friend than a wife to him. Better this way and I love it.:D

Hello, dear. I may have thrown the ball in his court. Meaning, I don't wanna play his game anymore and he can have the pleasure of winning it. I may not have won , but i have the peace of mind I am badly needing. It is useless to to act as a wife when he doesn't need one. I'm giving him a hall pass. i am crazy, maybe yes. Butr I'm just tired of asking him to treat me accordingly as a wife. So, there. He is free and I don't feel jealous about it.

that's a good way of teaching some egoist men.. good for him! It was really a nice attack!

Hi there, Lilaclady. Thanks for sharing such experience. That man is exactly he opposite of my husband. When I'm around he'd comment negatively on almost all women that he saw or seeing. None of them looks ok or beautiful for him. There is always something not quite right about them in his eyes.. Something that I really hate because he is not being real. Or could he be that he is just trying to apply the reverse psychology effect on me. Yes, I've seen a lot of couples doing that just to make the other jealous. Sigh... how they love to make their partners jealous but they can not stand it when they are the one being put in that situation.:D

Yes, jealousy is not a good thing, ei. I also believe in that, Neil. I do not fear losing him. Maybe, I'll be hurt because it will surely ruin the future of our family, especially my kids, but I am not scared of waking up one day knowing he is gone for good. I can very well move on with my life as long as my kids are with me. But you are right, that doesn't mean that I no longer love him, but I also have doubt if I still love him. Maybe, I am just tired of feeling something towards him when what I feel is not reciprocated. I give up feeling scared of losing him and his love... Thank you, Neil, for sharing your thoughts .You're answer is more fitting to those who have an almost perfect relationship. Someone whom her husband has not lied to her, that she can fully trust him and doubts have no room in her heart... Give my hugs to Zay.

Hello, Asianjabba. That's the thing, I do not fear of losing him. It is not that he isn't important to me but I really am not afraid of losing him. Sure thing, I'll be hurt if I lose him but what can I do if I can not keep him? There were times in our married lives that he made me feel betrayed and he broke my trust. I also felt that he was doing something wrong but it did not occur to me that I was jealous. I was more hurt because of his lies. I can honestly say that only if he told me the real thing (that he was flirting) ,it will not be really a big issue on my part. I know hat he is just human, it only hurts because he lied to me...

Then, you are a very jealous person. . And too much jealousy is not a good thing. It is too powerful. I hope you can just learn to control it and give your man a little space, dear. Because you might be putting him in a situation wherein he can no longer breathe because of your jealousy is suffocating him already. You should try to ask yourself if there is really a need for your to be jealous. Maybe, you are just fearing for something that doesn't exist. Too much of everything is not healthy. Remember that , my dear.

Hello, Sid. That's what the majority is telling me here. It doesn't mean I am no longer in love with my husband even if I am not jealous. How could that be, dear? How can I remained in love with someone wh have hurt me so much and yet not feel a hint of jealousy? I should be craving for his attention and should be demanding them from him and be wary that he might giving it to someone else, right? But, why I do not have this feeling of insecurity? And yes, I hate him for lying to me about his flirting. And if only he told me about it, I'd love to hear his stories concerning how he fooled those women...

I used to love him so much but it never dawned upon me that I'll be scared of losing him. Nor I felt jealous of all the girls that he had flirted with. My husband thought that I am so jealous of them. Sigh... if only he knew that I am not. Or is it me just denying it? I'm not sure. What I am so sure is that I don't have that feeling of insecurity towards anyone. Thank you, dear Shibham.

That's the thing, I was never jealous. It gives me the feeling that I don't care if I'll lost my husband in another woman. I do not feel insecure, yes. I was brought up like this. Very much content and proud of what and who I am despite of my shortcomings and imperfections. My story is different from you, dear. My love for my husband had been tested by hell and I'm not sure if I still am in love with him or just I am thinking that I am in love with him. That's why I wanna know what jealousy is or how it feels like. Trying to find some answers to the thoughts that bugging me...

Very true, dear. That's how I see my husband's flirting and he is mad because he thinks that I am just talking and thinking nonsense and my actuation is just nothing but jealousy. Well, at least now I know that I am not alone. You've responded to some of my discussions and perhaps you have already forgotten them, but, there are instances that I doubt if I'm still in love with my husband or it is just me trying to believe that I am. But, I know if ever I'm still in love with him I need not feel jealous in order for me to confirm that. Only, we have been through a lot of hell and it seems that I am not afraid of losing him or his love that is why I do not feel any hint of jealousy... Thanks, Toni for dropping by and sharing your thoughts. It is greatly appreciated.:)

Ah ,so there. You have clearly elaborated what I have been asking in your first response. Well, I can see that I also have things that I lack, characteristics that I do not have that the other person might possess. But, just like you said, I am accepting what I lack and I am truly happy with who I am and what I have become as a person. My mantra is always like this: So what? Those things I can not bring with me in heaven. If I lack this, that is ok. She also is lacking of some of the qualities that I have.

Yes, they say it is a feeling of insecurity. And how do you know if you are insecure. Thinking the other person as a lot better than you are or finding fault about the other person's traits? Or both I guess. But what if,instead of feeling this, you like knowing them more and even think that being their friend is a possibility.? Thanks for sharing your thoughts, though, Wallygator. Have a great day.

Hello, Apple. I may agree with you on some of your point of views. Especially the taking away or losing that someone over another person. But I would want my husband to know that I am jealous when I am jealous and not when I am just kidding. It seems to him that I am ALWAYS jealous which is not the case. Yes, insecurity can make us feel jealous. It is something that we think we don't have whilst the other do possess. In my case, I'm not sure if I'll get insecure over another person, not that I am too conceited but my mantra always tells me that whenever I lack something, for sure there is something in me that the other person lacks, too. So, what? Thanks for sharing your views, dear.