I Find This A Bit Frustrating..
By Janey1966
@Janey1966 (24170)
Carlisle, England
March 1, 2011 7:52am CST
..but I'm fearful of becoming a nag..no, not a horse but someone who, er, nags their husband into submission.
Now, don't get me wrong, I'm not like this all the time. I'm certainly no Hilda Ogden BUT when a job needs doing it should be done NOW, not tomorrow, not next week, or even next year but that's the way it's going with one particular task that needs sorting out.
Which task is this?
Well, it's the slipped slate on the roof of our shed. It's been bugging me for quite some time due to the fact there's a hole there now where the slate should be so, obviously rain is getting into the shed. There isn't much stuff in there but one of the reasons I sold my bike was I didn't want it in a shed that was a complete waste of time.
What could John do about it? Well, for a start he's over 6ft tall and he could just reach over and move the slipped slate up a bit and VOILA! problem solved!
My Mum knows about the shed and she mentioned it to John whilst she was here a couple of weeks ago. She pretended she didn't know about it and said, "Oo look, John, there's a hole in the shed..looks like the slate has slipped down. If Jane's Dad saw that he'd be out there sorting it out!" Apparently, she didn't get a response and yes, Dad would sort it out despite being in his 70s. Stuff like that bugs him big time so why it doesn't bug John I have no idea. Perhaps it's because he works inside on a computer all day..I don't know.
Do you have problems getting simple tasks like this completed in a reasonable time..like 10 years, which is what it seems like with our shed fiasco.
If I was tall enough (and, more importantly), if the step-ladder cowie was stable enough..which it isn't, I'd bloody well do it myself!
Such is life!
Now, don't get me wrong, I'm not like this all the time. I'm certainly no Hilda Ogden BUT when a job needs doing it should be done NOW, not tomorrow, not next week, or even next year but that's the way it's going with one particular task that needs sorting out.
Which task is this?
Well, it's the slipped slate on the roof of our shed. It's been bugging me for quite some time due to the fact there's a hole there now where the slate should be so, obviously rain is getting into the shed. There isn't much stuff in there but one of the reasons I sold my bike was I didn't want it in a shed that was a complete waste of time.
What could John do about it? Well, for a start he's over 6ft tall and he could just reach over and move the slipped slate up a bit and VOILA! problem solved!
My Mum knows about the shed and she mentioned it to John whilst she was here a couple of weeks ago. She pretended she didn't know about it and said, "Oo look, John, there's a hole in the shed..looks like the slate has slipped down. If Jane's Dad saw that he'd be out there sorting it out!" Apparently, she didn't get a response and yes, Dad would sort it out despite being in his 70s. Stuff like that bugs him big time so why it doesn't bug John I have no idea. Perhaps it's because he works inside on a computer all day..I don't know.
Do you have problems getting simple tasks like this completed in a reasonable time..like 10 years, which is what it seems like with our shed fiasco.
If I was tall enough (and, more importantly), if the step-ladder cowie was stable enough..which it isn't, I'd bloody well do it myself!
Such is life!3 people like this
20 responses
@hofferp (4734)
• United States
1 Mar 11
I use to be like you...if it needs done, get it done now. Now, I have all the time in the world (I'm retired), but I can procrastinate with the best of them. But once I get started, I go for it all...it's just getting started. In my house, there's no one to nag. It's me or no one.
1 person likes this
@Janey1966 (24170)
• Carlisle, England
1 Mar 11
I take it there is nothing that can't be done by your good self as your house is relatively new isn't it? Hopefully, you won't have much going wrong with it. Unfortunately, this house is so old (along with the shed of course) that any little job can become a bigger job if it's not sorted out more or less immediately. This is where the frustration comes in. It's like..."well, the shed is falling to bits anyway, why bother with it?"
Eventually ("eventually" being the operative word), we shall have blinds in the kitchen so I don't have to look at that sodding hole in the shed roof lol.
@hofferp (4734)
• United States
1 Mar 11
Well, good luck with the blinds! Yeah, my house is so new, there's little, so far, I have to do. But when we had the cold hit a few weeks back, two pipes to my solar system on the roof split. So I do have to buy the pipe, insulation, etc. and then get my neighbors over to help replace the pipe. My neighbors are really great about helping me. Maybe you should ask the neighbors to move the slate on the shed?
@savak03 (6684)
• United States
1 Mar 11
I don't know why, but men seem to have the corner on procrastination when it comes to chores around the house. However, let one of his buddies have a project going and I bet he's right there to help. Short of doing it yourself, which you already mentioned is not practical or hiring someone to do it which could be expensive I have no advice to offer. Personally, after asking for something to be done once and getting ignored I would take care of it myself. This sometimes shamed my husband into doing better for awhile.
1 person likes this
@Janey1966 (24170)
• Carlisle, England
1 Mar 11
The wonderful 3honor suggested I go outside with the step ladders whilst John is present, then, hopefully, it will spur him into doing it himself. He can be a bit..er, slow on the uptake when it comes to tasks but there's no way he'd want me to wobble on the step-ladders and fall off in a heap.
I hope not anyway!
Having said all that though, he's a big help in the kitchen. Sometimes, he even cooks! Fancy that!
Having said all that though, he's a big help in the kitchen. Sometimes, he even cooks! Fancy that!
@SViswan (12051)
• India
4 Mar 11
My dad's is a Fix-it man...and was always doing something handy around the home. I was his assistant. Even though I never learnt how to cook before I was married, I know how to be a handyman (oops woman) around the home. My husband's the opposite...and now I am expected to be the homemaker and the handywoman around here. But obviously I can't be both and I choose to do the regular 'wifey' stuff at home.
Since you mentioned height....we need new curtains for the living room and rod is way up for me to even measure. We don't have a ladder (been 7 years since I requested for one.I'm on the shorter side and my husband got the cupboards made to HIS height!) and I couldn't reach the rod even when I stood on a chair and reached up...let alone get a tape to measure. All it would have taken my husband would be to stand on the chair and do it. Hardly 2 minutes of work....but oh no! He wouldn't do it and will still complain that 'I' haven't done it!! Oh well!
@SViswan (12051)
• India
5 Mar 11
Though our ceiling is high, the curtains I inherited made us put the curtain pole way up high. Now, hubby 'can't be bothered' to bring down the curtain pole and get new curtains or get new fit to size curtains! I know what you are saying about the 'attitude' more than the words.
@Janey1966 (24170)
• Carlisle, England
4 Mar 11
A lot of things in this house John inherited, such as the carpets, curtains, blinds and curtain poles. From day one I've hated the curtains the most. Not one pair in the house do I like and to be honest, I don't think hubby likes them either. However, it looks like they are there to stay as he seems reluctant to do anything about them. "Can't be bothered" is what he thinks. He doesn't say those words but I know that's what he's thinking. There's absolutely no way I could get up there and take the curtain poles/curtains down as I'm not tall enough.
Next house we move into will have lower ceilings!!!
Next house we move into will have lower ceilings!!!
@jwfarrimond (4473)
•
4 Mar 11
Yes, I'm like your John Same name as well - maybe it's a John thing, but I'm an ace procrastinator. Never do today what can be put of until tomorrow or next week or next year or until the problem goes away of it's own accord...
Same name as well - maybe it's a John thing, but I'm an ace procrastinator. Never do today what can be put of until tomorrow or next week or next year or until the problem goes away of it's own accord... @jwfarrimond (4473)
•
4 Mar 11
I've been putting the redecorating off for the last 2 or 3 decades (or more)
(I'm Crabby)
(I'm Crabby)@Janey1966 (24170)
• Carlisle, England
4 Mar 11
You're not a Virgo as well are you?
Oh, well, I suppose it's better than becoming bored with decor that's only been done a year or so. There's a guy down the road from Mum who's like that.
His house is in mint condition though as he never lets things deteriorate.
@sid556 (30960)
• United States
2 Mar 11
Janey, You know that on most topics we agree. right? Please take no personal offense but I have to honestly tell you that I don't agree with any of this. Why? Well maybe because I don't have a John to blame. If it were my shed, well, I'd just have to find me a ladder and climb up and fix it myself. If I can do it then I don't expect someone else to do it even if he is my husband. I may be independent to a fault. I've had boyfriends tell me so but to be honest..You learn to look out after yourself and not rely on others. I sure as heck would not have let it go on 10 yrs.I'm single and so don't have a man to blame these things on. I just do whatever it takes. There is no way I'd let a problem go for 10 years and still have it be a problem. You know me and you know I'm not putting you down I hope. I'm just being honest. I think you need to either clim up on that roof yourself( if you can't then you can't be blaming him or call in a professional and still not blame him.
@Janey1966 (24170)
• Carlisle, England
2 Mar 11
It's not been a problem for 10 years, you misunderstand me. It COULD be a problem for 10 years if I let it.
Anyway, he's fixed it now.
@squaredsoft (93)
• United States
1 Mar 11
I'm a guy and I am definitely a big procrastinator.
However, I always EVENTUALLY get everything done. A simple task like the one you've mentioned would be quick and easy, not to mention it would save me money down the road by not having to replace the whole shed. Maybe if you bring to his attention that theer could be financial repercussions, he'll see it as more important. No man wants to have to pay $100 when $5 will do.
Alternatively, you could literally drag him out there and just say "Do it." That's usually works on me, although sometimes a little bribe helps me along, too. *wink*
1 person likes this
@Janey1966 (24170)
• Carlisle, England
1 Mar 11
I am considering dragging the step-ladders out on Saturday. John is a Virgo so this won't go un-noticed. Then his noseyness will get the better of him and he won't be able to resist asking me what I'm doing with it lol.
Hopefully, that should do the trick. If he was cruel he'd watch me struggle up there on the step-ladder..and I know he isn't cruel.
@ElicBxn (63568)
• United States
3 Mar 11
sounds like its time for a new stepladder!
I used my stepladders all the time!
After all, I can't be asking the roomie to get everything down, now can I and, there comes a point where even she can't reach things. And she's afraid of heights... well, actually, she's afraid of falling... well, actually, she's afraid of LANDING...
On the other hand, I grew up in a household where my mom was always up the stepladder too, because she and I were both just a tad over 5 foot... humm, have to look that one up in meters I guess... 
After she was about 65, and she almost fell, my sister and I told her, no more! we would go up the stepladders rather than have her fall!
After she was about 65, and she almost fell, my sister and I told her, no more! we would go up the stepladders rather than have her fall!@Janey1966 (24170)
• Carlisle, England
3 Mar 11
I do feet as well my friend. Not supposed to now cos of "Europe" but I'm too far gone to convert to metres, etc. Don't understand them and don't want to either!
Anyway, yes, step-ladders..ours must be years and years old..probably inherited if I know John. The standing area at the top looks EXTREMELY dodgy to me so I never, ever use these step-ladders. I'd love some of those telescopic ladders that extend..not cheap though but what is these days? Nowt is the word lol.
I remember one time my Mum falling off a stool she STILL uses in order to get up to her washing she has along the curtain rail. Yes, eccentricity is her middle name lol. This curtain rail is above a fire you see, so in the winter she places clothes up there so they can dry just as well as in the tumble dryer, which is a fortune to run, of course.
When she fell her head was about an inch from the corner of a glass coffee table. Does she still use the stool?
YEP!
I remember one time my Mum falling off a stool she STILL uses in order to get up to her washing she has along the curtain rail. Yes, eccentricity is her middle name lol. This curtain rail is above a fire you see, so in the winter she places clothes up there so they can dry just as well as in the tumble dryer, which is a fortune to run, of course.
When she fell her head was about an inch from the corner of a glass coffee table. Does she still use the stool?
YEP!
@BarBaraPrz (47136)
• St. Catharines, Ontario
1 Mar 11
Can you reach it with your broom?
(No, I don't mean fly up there...)
@Janey1966 (24170)
• Carlisle, England
1 Mar 11
Hahaha! Erm, possibly not. Knowing my luck I'll misjudge it all and dislodge another tile, then I end up with a bigger hole in the roof.
I'm not to be trusted with a broom, flying or otherwise!
1 person likes this
@scarlet_woman (23463)
• United States
6 Mar 11
if i have to ask more than once,i usually get pissed off and do it myself.
sometimes it's just not worth the frustration to bother.
...or i hire somebody if i can't do it and make him look bad.
then comes out "i was gonna do it"..yea..this year?
rrrrrrrrrrrr.
then comes out "i was gonna do it"..yea..this year?
rrrrrrrrrrrr.@Janey1966 (24170)
• Carlisle, England
6 Mar 11
Haha! I'll try that next time. Hiring someone would cost HIM money so he'd be out there like a flash lol.
Anyway, he did fix the tile for me so he's forgiven now.
@derek_a (10874)
•
2 Mar 11
Well I guess Jane that many of us guys don't like to be reminded by our mother-in-law that our father-in-law would get is sorted like yesterday! There seems to be some sort of natural resistance to it - I don't know why, but I have felt this myself. Fortunately, or unfortunately as the case may be, I am very disciplined when something does need doing because if it isn't done, there'll be even more problems later. Roof tiles coming away will let water in and cause dry rot or soak the contents of a shed/house, so that to me would be a priority and I tend to notice them before anybody else. But decorating.. well no real damage is going to be caused and I'd like to schedule that in to my own time-table and if I am nagged about it, then it takes quite a while before it gets on to my time-table. My Dad used to say that I could be led very easily, but not pushed. He was the same though and it is good when I can get off that little act! Find a way of getting John to think it's his own idea to fix the shed.. That may get results? _Derek
Fortunately, or unfortunately as the case may be, I am very disciplined when something does need doing because if it isn't done, there'll be even more problems later. Roof tiles coming away will let water in and cause dry rot or soak the contents of a shed/house, so that to me would be a priority and I tend to notice them before anybody else. But decorating.. well no real damage is going to be caused and I'd like to schedule that in to my own time-table and if I am nagged about it, then it takes quite a while before it gets on to my time-table. My Dad used to say that I could be led very easily, but not pushed. He was the same though and it is good when I can get off that little act! Find a way of getting John to think it's his own idea to fix the shed.. That may get results? _Derek
@p1kef1sh (45681)
•
1 Mar 11
I can think of lots of things that you could do... or refuse to do. Perhaps you might just take his hand, walk him outside and say "Please John. That slate won't take 5 minutes to fix and it will ease my mind . Could you pop it back in place please". Wait until the weekend and it's dry. Promise him a coffee/tea/the Earth etc when he comes back in having fixed it. Good luck.
@Janey1966 (24170)
• Carlisle, England
1 Mar 11
He's off work tomorrow (which I'd forgotten about) so the Charm Offensive will come about a few days early.
@dawnald (85146)
• Shingle Springs, California
2 Mar 11
Well all I can say, is that I get a much better response when I ask straight out and explain why it's a problem for me. Why he needs an explanation, I don't know, but if he gets one, I'm much more likely to get results. Also, sometimes he just doesn't hear.
@Janey1966 (24170)
• Carlisle, England
2 Mar 11
I know what you mean. Earlier I just asked John outright if he would sort out the slipped slate for me and off he went outside and the job was done in a few seconds. It's not a permanent job, however as tiling a roof..well, there's a way of doing it. John reckons the tile slipped due to all the cats round here walking along it. Personally, I think the tile slipped because a) the shed is sh*te and b)recent bad weather!
It's not a permanent job, however as tiling a roof..well, there's a way of doing it. John reckons the tile slipped due to all the cats round here walking along it. Personally, I think the tile slipped because a) the shed is sh*te and b)recent bad weather! @junrapmian (2169)
• Philippines
2 Mar 11
It will surely irritate me if my husband will just lend me deaf-ears on that situation. Well, if he doesn't want to do it, I'll do it myself or better yet call someone to fix it and charged the fees to him, although I know he will fuzz over, well it's his fault, being the main in the house he should be taking care of those do-it-yourself activities inside the house.
@Janey1966 (24170)
• Carlisle, England
2 Mar 11
Couldn't agree more but I do have a cunning plan that may rectify the situation..I shall let everyone know how I get on later. I really should be in bed now!
@changjiangzhibin89 (16750)
• China
2 Mar 11
I believe you are reasonable and not that kind of woman who takes pride in making husband henpecked.Menfolk are generally careless even if It is a thing without the least effort.
@Janey1966 (24170)
• Carlisle, England
2 Mar 11
It's now fixed after me asking hubby ever so nicely to fix it.
@maximax8 (31046)
• United Kingdom
1 Mar 11
A wife told her husband there is a hole in the roof and water was pouring into their bedroom. So he moved the bed and put a bucket under where the water was coming through. The wife had to go on to the roof to fix the broken tile. Your John should have put fixed the roof of the shed. Some men can be very lazy and John sounds like one. I can understand why you find it a bit frustrating.
@Janey1966 (24170)
• Carlisle, England
1 Mar 11
If he was short like myself I suppose I could understand his attitude..but he isn't..so I can't lol.
He's off work tomorrow and I will probably get the step-ladders out as a major hint. Ironically, I don't think he'd need the step-ladders for this task which is where my frustration comes in!
How come it's the easy jobs that take the longest?
@tamarafireheart (15384)
•
1 Mar 11
Hi Janey,#
what is it with husbands? my shower broke last year and needed a new mixer one, I have been telling him to get one as I like my showers but he don't, he lays in the bathe for hours, I can't do that so I have my shower, now I can't and have to have my bath soaking it it, but that is not the point, he still have not got the shouwer put in, hmmm, I wonder if I should stop cooking till he buys a new shower, how lazy is that, he don't have to work hard as he works at the airport doing nothing but sitting about all day listening to music on his ipod, sometimes I could scream.
Tamara
@Janey1966 (24170)
• Carlisle, England
1 Mar 11
Awww, I do sympathise. John isn't quite that bad as he does help me in the kitchen. There again, anything a man is supposed to do he sticks his head in the sand until I get angry with him, something I hate being like. He should sort it out BEFORE I get angry with him, then I wouldn't come across as a nag would I?
Saturday is "sorting the tile out day," I've decided!
Saturday is "sorting the tile out day," I've decided!
@jazel_juan (15746)
• Philippines
2 Mar 11
i know what you mean Jane, if it can be done right away, then lets do it right away! i have that feeling too..its like it can be fix, then fix it before it gets forgotten...and i tend to say it again and again if it is not yet done... and i guess such is normal
@Janey1966 (24170)
• Carlisle, England
2 Mar 11
Well, I'm going to be all sweetness and light as he's off work for the day. Once he's settled watching the cricket I'll get out the step-ladders. See how long it takes him to realise what I'm up to. I have a cunning plan you see. Once he realises what's up he'll come running outside to help. Well, that's what I'm hoping for anyway!
I hope it doesn't go "pear-shaped!"
@commonground (367)
• United States
1 Mar 11
I have to totally agree with 3honor. That tactic worked every time with my late husband. I could ask and hint or plead for a chore to be done and it would seem to fall on deaf ears. But as soon as I attempted to take care of it my self he was Johnny on the spot and it was done in no time. I think it may tug at their pride a bit to see the dear wife struggling to complete a chore they should have done long ago.
@Janey1966 (24170)
• Carlisle, England
1 Mar 11
I found out when he came in from work that he's actually off tomorrow in order to visit the Opticians so the step-ladders may come out a few days early (I was going to bring them out on Saturday) so, hopefully, he shall be "up for it" after seeing me struggling!
@edb225112 (124)
• United States
1 Mar 11
You might want to step back just a bit more and evaluate the situation from another angle. You nag, and nothing happens. So you nag some more. Nothing still happens. Have you ask: 1 Did you see the hole in the roof of the shed? 2. What do you think we should do about it? 3. Do you want to fix it? The answer to the last question will give you a lot of information. What if your spouse doesn't want to fix it or he doesn't know how to fix it? And if he failed to do it correctly, would the nagging and criticism just become longer and louder?
Sometimes, we fail to see how our own behavior creates a situation which becomes self-perpetuating. You request something be done, he does it and you criticize the way he does it so the next time, he just doesn't do it and you nag.
@Janey1966 (24170)
• Carlisle, England
1 Mar 11
All he needs to do is move a slipped slate upwards to cover the hole where it has slipped from. Believe me, it is not a major job, so once it's been done there is no way I could criticise because a monkey could be trained to do it, it's that easy. Like I said, if I wasn't so short I'd do it myself.
@yurikps (15)
• Brazil
1 Mar 11
There's a book, I don't know the actual american name of it but, translating it from my language, it's called "Five Lenguages of Love", by Gary Chapman. He defendes an idea that maybe (and I say maybe, I don't know about your relashionship), you are asking it "the wrong way". Maybe the way you can get him to understand how much it's bothering you, or how much you want it fixed is not by simply asking him to do it. I can't actually explain what I mean, it's something you gotta read the book to understand what he is trying to say. It's a small book, something like 200 pages and, if you don't use it for right now, you can use it for many many many many many many many things in your relashionship. Not only with the husband, but also with your kids, he makes a paralell to the parents-kids interation. Anyway, your answer could be there. Once I read it, I found out that if that book came to me one month earlier, I would have saved my 6 years relashionship.
@Janey1966 (24170)
• Carlisle, England
1 Mar 11
Yes, I think I do know what you mean. You are saying that the polite, direct approach works best instead of skirting round the issue and not really asking him properly?
I still think me getting the step-ladders out will work just as well though lol..but thank you.
