Would you lend money again to someone else after being cheated by another?
By devijay78
@devijay78 (1573)
India
March 3, 2011 4:25am CST
There was this co-worker of mine who was also a mother of a 5 month old. And my daughter was 6 months at that time. And I was going through a rough patch in my married life and had to work to support myself and my daughter. This lady became a good friend of mine(or so I thought). After a few months, when both of knew each other's problems well, she asked me to lend her some money(nearly 30% of my salary at that point of time) telling that she was in need of the amount and there was no one to help her and she would return it within a week.
And I being the soft hearted person I was( a fool is what I would say now), I agreed to give her the amount(which was all I had in hand) to help another young mother. And you guessed it right! I never heard from her again! She resigned her job and even changed her mobile number so that no one could contact her. I was so shocked to be cheated of my hard earned money like this. And that too, when I had a small kid to feed and no other source of income. From that experience onwards, I vowed not to lend money to anyone, whatever be the cause.
Now that I don't work and am staying at home makes it a lot easier because people know I do not have money to spend according to my own wish. But my experience did not enlighten other people including my husband. He lent money(a very big amount to one of his friends) and lost it. Now he is wiser. But at what cost?
I will never lend money to anyone else again. Family members are the only exception. Other than them, all others just get a no from me. I tell them I do not have that much money to lend.
How about you? Would you lend money again even after being cheated by someone you trusted?
2 people like this
11 responses
@devijay78 (1573)
• India
4 Mar 11
I am sorry but I did not understand you. You do lend money or you don't?
@tessa9 (1085)
• Philippines
3 Mar 11
I don't like lending money because I find it hard to collect. I almost feel embarrassed to be collecting it which is something that I should not feel. People know me us being frugal (sometimes) so they don't dare ask me for a big amount. I can probably give up to 15% of my salary to a real friend. My family members are more well off than me so they don't need to borrow anything and they know that I will not take it seriously if they will try. I experienced the same thing as you did but I always seem to lend money. I try my hardest not to lend anyone any money though.
@devijay78 (1573)
• India
4 Mar 11
I know how you feel tessa. That used to be the way I felt about collecting my money too. I used to feel so embarassed to be asking them for money that I lent them that I stopped asking them at all. At one point I realised that people knew that I would not ask them for the money and started taking advantage of me. That is when I started supressing that discomfort while asking for my money and slowly learnt to ask it back without feeling embarassed. Now, it is even better. I do not lend at all because of my above experience and I do not have the problem of getting my money back. Life is more peaceful.
@lilaclady (28207)
• Australia
3 Mar 11
yes I have been there, but I didn't learn either, I feel everyone is different and when a friend is in trouble I can't but help, sometimes I think I am my own worst enemy but I do know what you are saying, but be proud of yourself that you are a carer, I would hate to be one that didn't care....
@devijay78 (1573)
• India
3 Mar 11
Hi lilaclady. I did care and still do. But what I failed to understand was how could she not have cared the same about me who was undergoing a rough patch without anyone to help and no other means of income? Now I do lend but only to people who I am very close to and my immediate family. But since I am a housewife now, they rarely ask me and that is a huge relief. I would find it hard to say no.
@Unah08 (671)
• Philippines
3 Mar 11
I have never been cheated before but if ever someone would cheat on me in terms of money then I would probably have difficulty to trust anybody again and most probably like in your case I would be very cautious the next time. But since I'm still a student and not earning money of my own I'm not worried that somebody would borrow money from me.
In the future, if I come across with the same situation I would know better, thanks for sharing your experience.
1 person likes this
@devijay78 (1573)
• India
4 Mar 11
It would have been much helpful to me if somebody had warned me in this way by sharing their experience with me. Well, what is done is done and there is nothing I can do about it. I am glad that by posting it here, I am able to warn others. Have a good day.
@shia88 (4570)
• Malaysia
4 Mar 11
Hi,
Sad to know about this bad incident happened to you.
SOmetimes, it is very difficult to really know whether the
person that we treat as friend is a good person or bad person.
When we treated them well and help them when they are in bad
position,but what we got back is another way round.
For your case, do stay wiser and never lend your money to others except your
close family members.
Even for some close friends,it is better to take precaution and
just give an excuses that you are in tight position too.
For me, I won't never lend money to others except my close family
members. I don't simply trust people.
It is not easy to earn money, we have to work and work and only will have
small saving and it is broken heart to see our saving gone just because
of our trust to others.
Take it as a lesson and be more cautious while people asking for your help in
future.
@devijay78 (1573)
• India
4 Mar 11
Hi shia. There is one thing my father taught me and that is to always stay alert and not trust anyone. I did let go of it for a while though. Now I realise how true his words are and how foolish I had been. Lending does spoil relationships and it becomes difficult to collect it from friends and family. Sometimes we have to forgo the amount in the fear that the relationship will ruin.
Thanks for your concern. I am careful nowadays. Moreover, I simply do not have that much money to lend. Whatever I do have is for daily expenses and everyone knows that I cannot afford to lend money to anyone.
@LeighB (698)
• Thailand
4 Mar 11
Hi devijay,
I fell into this trap also. The perso I lent money to was a professional. I lent him 2 amounts over a 5 month period. Each amount was paid back on time and he even added more on top saying, "This is just to show how grateful I am...call it interest."
So, when he asked to borrow money on the 3rd occassion I had no hesitation, although I was shocked at the amount and it took me 2 weeks to find it. When it came to paying it back, I found out from his neighbours that 2 days prior he had emigrated out of the country.
The saying that was told to me when I was young entered my head and how true it is...
"Only lend money to the amount that you can afford to lose."
@LeighB (698)
• Thailand
7 Mar 11
Yes, I learnt my lesson the hard way. Apart from having a few weeks struggling with cash, at least it didn't affect my life too badly. However, it has affected my view on lending money and made it harder for the real desperate to borrow money from me.
Today if a friend is really desperate, rather than handing over cash I will buy them a meal in a cafe or go with them to a shop and pay for what they really need, eg. food. At least that way, the money I am giving them I know is going on the right things and not being wasted.
I now look upon it as money I am giving them rather than money I am lending them.
@devijay78 (1573)
• India
8 Mar 11
That is a better way of helping people. 
That way we know that we have helped them and in turn, know that we will not get cheated. Good way of turning things around. I guess I would follow your idea from now on. 
That way we know that we have helped them and in turn, know that we will not get cheated. Good way of turning things around. I guess I would follow your idea from now on. @devijay78 (1573)
• India
7 Mar 11
That was so slimy of that person! He had done it deliberately to gain your trust and then strip you off your hard earned money. That happens here very very often. That is why I have decided not to give money to people who can afford so many other things. And I never ever lend money for interest.
Those are true words you know. I have developed the same attitude and lend money only thinking that it will not come back. That is what I call charity and lend only to people who are in a very very bad state. I don't mind if it does not come back and know that I have helped someone in need. But I make sure that I lend only small amounts and not big ones. I cannot afford to give big amounts too.
Our experiences are our best teachers. Now I know better not to lend to anyone. Thanks for sharing your experience with us.
@jaiho2009 (39140)
• Philippines
3 Mar 11
hello devjay,
I understand your situation and also your feelings.
Let me share my experience.
I was cheated not only one time,but i can not count how many times anymore.
Friends borrowed money and promised to give it back after a week or so,but never returned.
That person never disappear (she's still around) but ignore me.(it's fine)
Then,another friend took some of my items (perfume,as one of my business) and never pays me a single cents up to this moment.(also ignores me and never communicate with me again)
I can count how many times people cheats me in terms of money.
And yes,still i lend money to other people/friends as long as i have money to lend (esp when it's an emergency)
My motto ? "if they cheat me,it's not my fault " and it's just money.
In this manner i am able to know what kind of person they are.
After all those cheatings (which is a good sum if totaled)i am thankful that,i can still survive and money is not that hard for me to earn.
Anyway,charged it to your experience.
Have a great day
@devijay78 (1573)
• India
4 Mar 11
Hello jaiho. You are such a sweet person and thank you so much for sharing your experience as well as your thoughts. You are right in telling that it shows us what kind of people there are in this world.
I am not able to take things so lightly. It was hard for me working shifts with a 6 month old and no peaceful married life. Was trying to make ends meet and that was hard times for me when I tried to help her. It hit me hard and I had to go without money for almost a month because that was all I had.
I learnt a very valuable lesson that day and to this day, am not able to trust anyone with my money. Vowed never to lend money to anyone again. Moreover, now that I stay at home, all of them know that I do not have extra in hand.
@shia88 (4570)
• Malaysia
4 Mar 11
Hi,
Sad to know about this bad incident happened to you.
SOmetimes, it is very difficult to really know whether the
person that we treat as friend is a good person or bad person.
When we treated them well and help them when they are in bad
position,but what we got back is another way round.
For your case, do stay wiser and never lend your money to others except your
close family members.
Even for some close friends,it is better to take precaution and
just give an excuses that you are in tight position too.
For me, I won't never lend money to others except my close family
members. I don't simply trust people.
It is not easy to earn money, we have to work and work and only will have
small saving and it is broken heart to see our saving gone just because
of our trust to others.
@hardworkinggurl (37063)
• United States
3 Mar 11
I suppose for me it took several burn situations before I learned my lesson. So I try to be selective as I too am limited when it comes to lending any money. I really can't afford to do so. It is very hard to determine who to help because sometimes even a close friend and or family member can do us wrong and sometimes not intentional.
Loaning money out sometimes makes for destruction of relationships, because if we later ask for the status of it's return we look like an enemy. So I do not borrow money with the hopes that one one asks. So it is quite a learning lesson indeed!
@devijay78 (1573)
• India
4 Mar 11
What you told is absolutely true hardworkinggurl. Loaning money does destruct relationships when we ask them back. Why is it that when they ask money they are so sweet and when it is time to repay, they get all prickly and look at us as if we are the ones asking them for money?
I learnt it the hard way. And I used to help friends before, but always managed to get them back. This was the first time I got cheated, and that too, when I was not in a position to lend any money at all! Made me smarter and manage my finances better later on.
Close family members know my situation now, so they do not ask me for money. But it is the friends who keep asking. But since I have made it clear to them that I am not working and I do not have money to spare, I seldom get requests now.
@maryjane41 (90)
• Abbeville, Mississippi
3 Mar 11
i am like you. i will do it one time but not again. i let my ex boyfrind borrow some. after i let him borrow it i found out that he had a pocket full. was i ever mad.i do see him when i go to town and i do ask about it and he acts like he never borrowed it. so i do not let anyone eles borrow any. i do not care how much it is.
@devijay78 (1573)
• India
4 Mar 11
People borrow from others even when their pockets are full. Greed is the main culprit. And we have no one to blame but ourselves to trust them. Once bitten, twice shy. I do the same now. I do not have money to lend and I just say a no.
@FX777222999 (437)
• Philippines
3 Mar 11
Sometimes, experienced taught us to behave differently fro what we used to do. People act differently and have different personally. So, If I'm on your shoes, I would study my strategies with regards to lending money to others. Kindly look at the person and situation first before judging anybody elase. Not all people are the same, and maybe your help can give luck to you next time.
@devijay78 (1573)
• India
4 Mar 11
Hi FX. I know what you are talking about. As I replied to one other user, I do help others in need. I know that they would not be able to pay it back in the near future or even not at all. I do not mind helping such people. That is what I call charity and I do it with my conscience clear. I do not expect the money back and if at all they do give it back, it is ok. But I do not insist.
But this lady was working and she was in a position to repay the money I lent her. Her husband was working too. She did not have much problems as I did and did not actually have to cheat others like this. That is what irks me. This is plain betrayal and cheating.
But lending to people just because they do not manage their finances properly is something which I do not do now. They do earn and they have to learn to manage their finanaces without having to take money from me and giving me trouble. I tell them simply that I do not have money to lend.
