What would you say? I need an advice
By smileonstar
@smileonstar (4007)
United States
March 7, 2011 9:46am CST
Hello,
I have 6 and 3 years old daughters... My 6 years goes to 1st Grade. Lately, she just gives me a headache. here the story goes:
Every Wednesday, her school would sell Ice cream and it costs her from $0.50-$1. So last wednesday, I gave her $1... but she got only 0.50cents Ice cream and I didn't bother to ask where is another 0.50cents either. Then the next day, she asked me for another $1 to buy eraser(0.50cent each). She also asked her dad for another 0.50cents... when she got back home, I asked her what did she get? she said, she got one eraser. I asked where is another 0.50cents? and then her dad also asked for his 0.50cents? she said, she gave to her friends.
I had told her so many times about this, not to give money to her friends. But seem like she never understand what I meant by that... Please moms out there, tell me what to say to her or tell her.
After that day, I told her that she will not have any extra money for her ice cream anymore... whatever it costs then that is it. .
Any ideas?
5 people like this
19 responses
@sid556 (30960)
• United States
7 Mar 11
Oh, Smileonstar,
It sounds like you have a really kind-hearted little girl there. My oldest daughter was like that when she was little. I had to really have many talks with her on sharing but not sharing so much that the other kids are apt to take advantage of her kindness. I would give her a pack of gum and she would hand it all out and not save even one piece for herself. It's one thing to share her money with a kid that maybe had none but just to hand her money out is not good. I could see my daughter get a .50 icecream rather than 1.00 just to make sure another kid didn't go without. In that case, I would let it go.
1 person likes this
@smileonstar (4007)
• United States
7 Mar 11
kind but not give the money... lolz. I, sometimes, feel so mad when she does like many times... well, sharing food is no big deal but give out the money? Grrr....
Any way, thx and I will try to talk to her again
1 person likes this
@sid556 (30960)
• United States
7 Mar 11
I know what you mean. It's a fine line. I actually raised all 4 of my girls to be kind, thoughtful and compassionate and it has been a challenge getting them to not go overboard with it at times. When my youngest who is now 17 was little, the kids in the neighborhood had her buying frogs they were catching out of the local swamp and she was sneaking my change to pay for these swamp creatures! Just last year, I gave her money to go to the mall with her friends and pick up some clothes for school. She used some of that money to buy her friend a shirt and lunch! I was furious. I am a single mom and we just don't have the money to be playing secret millionaire. I will say that I did not replace that money for her to buy more clothes. She forfieted an outfit for herself. Maybe if you gave your daughter a dollar and told her it had to last for two days and then stick to it she would learn the value. If she then chose to buy her friend an icecream, it would mean that she would go without the next day or maybe her friend would buy hers??
@shia88 (4571)
• Malaysia
7 Mar 11
Hi,
I can understand your frustruation. It is not easy to discipline kids
nowadays,no matter how hard it is,we have to try our best to
discipline them at the young ages.
It is best not to give any pocket money to your daughter,unless she
really need to buy something at school.
Or else for those stationary,it is best you prepare for her and also
get her some snacks to bring to school. So when she feel hungry, she will
have food to eat.If you have takecare of the food and all
her stationary well,then there will be no chance for her to ask money from
you again in future.
Keep advise her not to give money to her friends.
1 person likes this
@smileonstar (4007)
• United States
7 Mar 11
thx for the advice... I really appreciate that so much. well, I will try again to talk to her again...
@GardenGerty (160696)
• United States
10 Mar 11
at that age it is hard for her to realize the actual value of money. It is your best choice to only give her exact change. I know it is frustrating, but six year olds often act like this.
1 person likes this
@andy77e (5156)
• United States
10 Mar 11
I think it is important to teach the value of money to a child. At the same time it is also important to teach giving to a child.
The problem is, it doesn't sound like she is earning the money. If she is doing chores to earn the money she is getting, then I would say she is doing well. She is learning to be a giving person. Something I support.
On the other hand, if you are simply giving her money, and she is just giving it to other people, then that's not really teaching her anything because it didn't 'cost' her to give. She's just getting money from you, and giving it to others.
In this case, because she is doing nothing to get the money, then the money is a privilege. As such, she is abusing her privilege by using the money for something you didn't authorize. I would either give her exact change, or stop giving her money altogether, until you teach her the value of money by making her earn it.
That's what I would do.
1 person likes this
@jaiho2009 (39141)
• Philippines
7 Mar 11
hello smile,
Troubles with kids 
I also have same problem with son like this before.
So,what i did is,he can't have extra money unless he's do some household chores.
That way,my son will understand that money is earned through hardwork and not by asking people for some cents.
From then on,he never pays what his classmates has eaten and now he even knows how to save money.
Ok,what i did is,i told my son to always keep his closet (clothes)neatly piled and clean his room (keep it clean always)clean his shoes,keep his toys in place and he can have some extra money.
I also have same problem with son like this before.
So,what i did is,he can't have extra money unless he's do some household chores.
That way,my son will understand that money is earned through hardwork and not by asking people for some cents.
From then on,he never pays what his classmates has eaten and now he even knows how to save money.
Ok,what i did is,i told my son to always keep his closet (clothes)neatly piled and clean his room (keep it clean always)clean his shoes,keep his toys in place and he can have some extra money. @kingparker (9673)
• United States
7 Mar 11
You should investigate this matter further. Whether she was bullied by her friends, or other factors that she has to let her friends borrow that money. She won't just let her friend had that money. You have to ask her further, or follow her whatever it takes. I heard bullies incidents happen a lot in school nowadays.
@browneyedgirl (1264)
• United States
8 Mar 11
You might want to make sure that she's not being bullied out of her money. That happens sometimes-unfortunately, and all too often. If so, you'll need to followup with the culprit, the teacher, and his or her parents to put a stop to it. If everything is alright, and bullying is not the case, a weekly allowance and helping her to allot or budget so much for each day will also help. Allow her to take only so much with her on those days.
@scarlet_woman (23463)
• United States
27 Mar 11
hmm.well,that is generous of her if that's what's she's doing.
i would suggest maybe give her her normal 50 cents only,and tell her if she'd rather donate it to one friend than have it herself,that's ok.but as far as extra,no.
chances are she might stop after a bit with the choice,because that means no ice cream.
@Hatley (163776)
• Garden Grove, California
11 Mar 11
smileonstar but where is the teacher while all this is going on? and does she really understand about money? you need to make her understand money is much more valuable than toys. my son at that age wou ld keep giving away new small toys to new kidss just to make friends and I told him you do not have to buy friends let them just play with you but do not give your own toys away. it seemed to stick with him. I think you should enlist the teacher in this project as evidently your daughter does not yet understand the concept of money. the teacher surely can be of help
in a case like this so do ask her explain it to her a nd see if she cannot help.
@mysticmaggie (2498)
• United States
8 Mar 11
You might want to check further. It may not really be a friend, but a bully she's paying off to leave her alone. This happens quite frequently and the child being bullied will make up any story to keep her parents from talking to the bully's teachers or parents. She thinks it will just make the situation worse.
I hope, for your child's sake, it is friends she's sharing with instead of paying protection money to some overbearing brat.
@aerous (13434)
• Philippines
17 Mar 11
Your daughter is very generous to other people. That is a good deed my friend that your being proud of about it...
Even if she still a kid. She knows how to care others. But in the other hand. She should know or learn that helping hand is not always. Because to help is not a kind of care always but make her being poor...
Just always try to encourage her always that generosity is not bad but there is a limitation
@lancerita (50)
• Philippines
8 Mar 11
nowadays kids are very difficult to discipline. they will still insist. Its good that you told him that you will not give him money for his ice cream. usually kids used to give money to their friends just not to let them go.
NExt time he needs to buy something, tell him that you'll be the one to buy it and never give him the money.
hope it will help...
@rowantree (1186)
• United States
7 Mar 11
Have you tried talking to her about the importance of money and that you don't have enough money for her to be sharing that way?
I would give my daughter money for ice cream, book fair, etc. and she would always treat her friends. I thought this was very generous and kind hearted of her but unfortunately, every single one of her "friends" that she treated became greedy and started expecting her to treat all of the time!
That's when I told her that we only have so much money and what money I do give to her, she is to use it for herself and no one else. She still treats her friends from time to time though, just not as often!
@savypat (20216)
• United States
7 Mar 11
Sounds like a small thing but you better pay attention to this. Kids do things like this to gain status with others, or they may be bulling her to pay. She may not tell you anything about this. But ask her why she is doing this and then pay very close attention to the body language. One of the less popular parts of being a parent, some times you wish you had a CSI course. Blessings
@jazel_juan (15746)
• Philippines
7 Mar 11
That sounded like my daughter! hahaha I believe they still do not know the importance of money. My daughter had an incident like that one before, my hubby gave her money since she was asking to buy coca-cola..but when she returned from school, she do not have any cola in hand but just the change!! and we asked her where is the cola, she said she gave to her classmate!! we were furious because she did not realized she was fooled..but i guess she learned after that because it never happened. We explained to her how we earn that money, how we got that money and what is money for..all was too much for a 6 year old child to absorb but i believe she learned..and they will all eventually learn
@friendship4lyfe (520)
• Saint Lucia
7 Mar 11
I would talk with her to find out why she is giving money to her friends.Sometimes kids feel responsible to help their peers which is all good.They dont feel its right that get to have whilst their friends dont.If she is sharing for this reason then its ok but tell her to be honest.
But also there are kids who are smarter and will take advantage of a caring heart like your daughter's and will keep asking her making her feel guilty and most times these kids do have but they are dishonest.
Please ensure that she isnt being taken advantage of.
@edb225112 (124)
• United States
7 Mar 11
What is important is why she is giving money to other children. 50 cents here or there will not break the bank but finding out why she feels the need the get extra money for her friends is important. Does she think she needs to have the money to have friends? Is she shy? Some emotional need is being fulfilled by her behavior. I would start by asking her teacher at school if s/he has any observations about this behavior. Suggest she have some of her friends over for ice cream after school one day and see how she interacts with the other children. At 6, they are learning how to make friends and how to behave socially. This is the first time they see how they fit into the group outside the family. A six year old will not understand why sharing her money with others is wrong if she sees that sharing as being her only way to be part of the group. Try not to be confrontational with her. Try to understand why she feels she needs to have that money for her friends.
