Common mistake of a wife...
By gracielle
@gracielle (346)
Philippines
March 9, 2011 4:40pm CST
Yelling out loud at your husband, yes that's the top of my list. Things can work out well if the flow of communication is fluently passing through each & everyones' relationship. Like for example me & my husbands daily endeavors, we usually fight for little things that honestly don't mean a thing. It all just started with a one a little bit loud strike of a word towards him, either way. Then it grows bigger & messier just like a virus that kills our immune system slowly.
If we as a wife tend to relax, take a deep breathe & start to be calm & talk in a nice way even if you feel like your about to burst out in flames, try to be calm, relax stop & think of what's the perfect thing to say rather than nagging him & shouting that it sound like your throat's about to explode. Be still & always bear in mind that decisions made every time your mad is always a wrong decision. Prevention is better than cure right.
Honestly it was so hard to act on it especially when he did something really bad against you, honestly i know the feeling but when things calms down then you get to realize the things that you should have not done. You will start to blame yourself & end up feeling sorry or even worst. But calming down & getting all your senses fix & at ease, things will work out ok, smooth & sailing again. Life is a matter of choice & everything even your worst day happens because of the choices you make in your daily life. Enjoy life to the fullest & remember, "Never let someone take away your happiness, fight for it & be responsible".
10 responses
@GloomCookieLex (6073)
• United States
10 Mar 11
What I don't understand is why this is "as a wife". Why is it the wife's "duty" to hold her temper when the man is behaving like an @ss? Wouldn't it be more preventative for him to NOT make comments or do stupid things in the first place? Why is it the woman's job to swallow it all down and speak calmly when she's upset?
1 person likes this
@GloomCookieLex (6073)
• United States
12 Mar 11
Except that you're not preserving your son's happiness, you're teaching him that it's okay for a man to act like a jerk and that women are supposed to just take it. It's one thing to avoid having huge screaming matches in front of a toddler, but it's another matter entirely to never stand up for yourself and to stop caring about your own well being or overall fairness. It DOES matter that your husband isn't held to the same standards you are. There is no reason why you, or any woman, should be expected to just sit there and take that kind of stupidity, negligence or general inequality or partnership.
I grew up watching my mother being emotionally beat down by my father and simply taking it to avoid conflict and fights "for the good of the family". All that served to do was confuse me throughout my entire childhood. My mother almost never fought back, never stood up for herself and my father got away with everything and anything because she never opposed him. In all honesty, I regret my very existence for the pain it caused my mother by my father and I absolutely REFUSE to let any man or anyone treat me that way EVER.
1 person likes this
@gracielle (346)
• Philippines
22 Mar 11
You did opened my mind on this thing, I grew up in a nice family. My father loved & respects my mom like a queen. When they have fights we seldom see nor hear them. That's why I don't really have any knowledge on what my son may really feel if he grows up seeing his mom suffering. Thanks for giving me this ideas, it sure thus helped me. I felt so maltreated thinking how my husband treated me. Honestly I don't really know what's the best thing that I'll do that is beneficial for me & for my son. My life's facing dark storms right now, I don't know how long will I hold on.
@gracielle (346)
• Philippines
12 Mar 11
Yes a frustrating dilemmas of wives, girlfriends, & the women in the world.
When we're just starting living together & my baby's still not around, I do what I want. I fight when & where I want to. I yell at him, & I never let down my flag. I'm the boss & he does that too same way. It turns to be world war 3 4 5 6 & so on every time we fight. But the time my baby turned 3, he started to understand & learned things. Seeing his parents fought that much is so devastating to him. I see how he suffered & felt in pain about it. It's an eye opener for me as a mother, I'm not living on my own now & every thing I do, my son's affected by it.
I don't care if my husband don't do the same thing I'm trying to do, at least one of us are trying to do it. Having a family on my own made me realized that I have to responsible for my actions, words & what so ever that I does. Because my son will be affected by it. I don't care if I get hurt or should I say, I'm crashing my "ego", it's ok. Seeing my son happy's more important to me rather than my own happiness.
@obe212003 (2299)
• Philippines
10 Mar 11
For a relationship to have a stronger foundation, respect is a significant necessity as it reflects affection and understanding.. sometimes when "ego" sets in, arguments are really inevitable just to realize then things get out of control due to emotional outburst to prove dominance on who's right or wrong.. honestly my wife would always nag on me on small things, although as much as possible i try to put up front a smile on my face and just stare at her without saying a word, and by then she would stop, out of respect.. overall we have ups and downs, but we got through thick and thin, holding on to each other with the kind of respect we both deserve for loving each other...
1 person likes this
@gracielle (346)
• Philippines
12 Mar 11
Wow, you really does that? Just smiling & shutting up in your wifes' face. I wish my husband will do the same, but he never. :(
If your the kind of husband I have when in comes to shutting up, maybe things are way different in my life right now. I'm the silent kind of person, never talks much. Always silent even when I'm depressed, got problems. I never tell it to anyone. But my husbands' the other way around. When his mad, he keeps on talking & nagging me. When we fight, oh he's the king of the talking part. As my ego starts to navigate, we fought more & more, but that's along time ago. Now is different, maybe he gets a bit more mature considering he do have changes now. More sweet, caring & thank God, his nagging become lesser than usual. =)
@obe212003 (2299)
• Philippines
13 Mar 11
i guess the nagging part and the argument really would make us realize more of our true selves and thus compromise on what we have at hand. the best part is growing up on these and having a better life together..
1 person likes this
great post and advice!! @vaibhavi80 (243)
• India
10 Mar 11
Great article!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Really think on this, it can reduce dispute btwn the lover husband and wife. really noticed
1 person likes this
@xien2xien (1382)
• Philippines
10 Mar 11
i also hate my brother's ex wife, yes ex-wife because my brother finally left him, before he was deadly in love with her even though she's nagger and always shouting and hurting my brother he always forgives her. but i hate her she seem's out of control most of the time even with my mom talking to her she's always shouting and using much higher tone with my mom i find her really uneducated and very disrespectful, and as for you i can see that you're on a process of changing right now because you're afraid that someday you'll lose someone you loved. keep it up and always think before you speak because whatever you'll say you can't take it back when you're not angry anymore, the damage will be done and the hurt won't take back. so keep up hope you'll make it as soon as possible :)
1 person likes this
@whengcat (1457)
• Philippines
10 Mar 11
I can relate to this. I know how you feel because just like you, I'm also trying to change...a work in progress as they say. Me and my husband have not gone into a terrible fight yet but arguing drains out the energy in us and I don't like to feel that way anymore. So every time I get irritated on something my husband do or say, I'll just pause, keep cool and try to remind myself the "good side" and try to ignore the "bad side" of him. Anyway, you can never put out a fire with fire right?
I'll be a hypocrite if I'll say its easy but come to think of it, When you love someone, you'll accept him/her as a whole right? good and bad, all together....
1 person likes this
@zandi458 (28102)
• Malaysia
10 Mar 11
I think it is fairly normal for minor squabbles between husband and wife. Impatience and misunderstanding are responsible for most family problems. Marriage is a blessing but many people turn their marriage lives into a curse. Husband and wife must learn to share the pleasure and pain of everything in their daily lives.
@mermaidivy (15395)
• United States
10 Mar 11
If we were to yell each other, my husband would be the only one doing that because I don't yell. He seems to get aggravated easily, when he is mad, he would yell and I will be quiet and don't say a word. We would fight over some little things sometimes, nothing big.
@shia88 (4571)
• Malaysia
10 Mar 11
Hi,
I think it is pretty common for husband and wife to get
quarrel sometimes, it tend to bring their relationship
one step closer and they get to know each other better.
But of course, not advisable to quarrel everyday,then it must be a
big problem.
Sometimes, I will talk slightly louder and in firm voice to my
husband when I feel unhappy with him. It is a normal reaction from me.
And of course, I do receive the same treatment from him sometimes,
but we will just need to cool down for awhile and after that we will
talk to each other again.
Honesty and have a frequent communication is a way to bring husband
and wife closer. If there is a lack in communication,the gap between
each other will get bigger and problem will start to come.
Do have a short holiday getaway with your husband, it does help to
bring back those sweet memories and strengthen the relationship.
@SIMPLYD (90722)
• Philippines
10 Mar 11
I do think that i am guilty of that first liner of yours. But i do not yell per se, but sometimes my voice seemed authoritative, that my husband reacts negatively to me. Although, i didn't say something bad , i may have said it in a not nice tone. Hence, the violent reaction from him.
In that instance, i try to tone down my voice and apologize to him. I would cajole him and in a while he will understand that it was not my intention to hurt him .
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