How SILENT is your father? ; Is he a man of few words?
By macayadann
@macayadann (1235)
Philippines
March 10, 2011 7:07pm CST
I still remember during my teenage life,how my father watched me as I left the house to be with my friends.He would just say take care but the worries on his face
could be seen.When I came back home late at night,he was there waiting with bunch of
cigarette filters in the ashtray and he just said "have you taken your dinner?",that was all I could hear from him.
He died in lung cancer leaving us what he wished for us to have .We
treasured the words he left us " EDUCATION IS THE ONLY WEALTH I COULD GIVE YOU".He worked so hard for us.He had deep burns because he was a chef in a luxury liner.As the
ship got wild due to waves,what he was cooking pours or spills and usually accidentally on him.His hardships teached us to respect and love him so much and his silence was his
way of nagging us,we learned to analyze by ourselves our wrong doings and we instantly
felt guilty. Can we still apply this kind of discipline to our kids?
3 people like this
19 responses
@redmaryjane (891)
• United States
23 Jun 11
Well my dad won't tell you how he feels. He would only say "Well you know how I feel about you" which is sweet. My dad is more proactive about his feelings but he won't act out on them a lot. He'll groan when he's upset or he'll drive really fast when something upsets him on the road.
It upsets me that I can't carry a conversation with him. I try to take conversations or discussions with him on another level but he'll only stick to what he says and he'll be content with his opinion, speaking only to say it and not to engage in something that would probably give way to open his mind. But that's just him.
My dad is like yours too. He is a hard worker. He had to be away from us so we can have an education which will lead to a better life. He was silent, but he was simple.
@macayadann (1235)
• Philippines
23 Jun 11
As we become parents too, we will understand why they acted as such in front of us. It is hard to play a role model to our kids.Maybe fathers are afraid to see their weakest point and so they remain silent as if they are too tough and too strong to be depended on,however they do cry and the thing is keeping all the heaviness inside is too much to bear and so pressure is build up within looking for an outlet in other way. Remember that they act as shield for our protection even if they are frightened of defeat they must not act cowardly in situations that we are afraid of.
@finaldrafts (91)
• Philippines
11 Mar 11
well. your lucky, thats the way your father knows how to love you even in a silent manner :)
@macayadann (1235)
• Philippines
17 Mar 11
True,action speaks louder than words and nagging put hands on ears so as not to be heard
@francismalz (520)
• Philippines
11 Mar 11
Yes.Right. A father of action is superior over a father of words.
@cream97 (29086)
• United States
20 Mar 11
Hi. macaydann. My father is not too silent with me at all. When he gets to talking to me he talks. He will let me know how he feels too. And he speaks his mind when he feels the need to. He is not a man of few words at all. Your father was a strong man, he loved you all with all of his heart. He did not give up that easily and he worked hard to give you a great life. I am sorry to hear about him passing away, but I do know that he has all of your best interest at heart. He was a very brave man and he did not let life's struggles stop him from reaching his goals. He took care of you and he was a true man.
@macayadann (1235)
• Philippines
21 Mar 11
silence speaks louder even unheard. It gains respect and at the same time an everlasting love.
@agrim94 (3805)
• India
20 Mar 11
Hi macayadanm,
My dad is still alive and i can not say same about him being a man of few words. He is always ready to look in to our studies and all the problems. If i have a problem and we discuss it and it can go on for hours and hours . Also he is quite vocal about what he wants in house and what he doesnt. Also he does take active interest in everything which effects life of my mom and his children.
@macayadann (1235)
• Philippines
21 Mar 11
Nice father too,getting himself involve in your activities is one way of knowing what you are in to because he does not want you to be joining other activities by yourself that will lead to your own destruction.His silence in there is the love that is hard to show but you can feel.
@SIMPLYD (90721)
• Philippines
11 Mar 11
My father too is a man of few words. But when he speaks, it's with authority. When he gets angry because of our wrong doing , he will not say so much word but would whip us at the butt with his belt. It was his way of disciplining us but we don't have regrets that he is like that when we were growing up.
We all grew up to be good women.
@SIMPLYD (90721)
• Philippines
17 Mar 11
Yes, that's true. That's why nowadays, children becomes spoiled because of that.
@macayadann (1235)
• Philippines
17 Mar 11
it is not bad whipping our kids but now children and students go the authority to tell them that their parents or teacher hit them and so now a days, it turned the other way around-the parents and teachers are now losing the courage to straighten up the wrong doings of their kids or students.
@staria (2780)
• Philippines
11 Mar 11
Hi there!
My father seldom confronts us, but when he does you will really feel his disappointment in you (if you did something wrong). You will instantly feel ashamed about the bad things that you did. But on the other hand, he also knows how to acknowledge our achievements and that's what I like most about him.
Of course we can apply this to our kids. We cannot tell them what to do always. They have to think for themselves especially when they are already growing up, but we should always be there to guide them and confront them if necessary.
@macayadann (1235)
• Philippines
21 Mar 11
We are more reluctant in following orders from our mother but when it is our father that comes out,there is something in his figure that commands strict rules.
@dexterous21 (1180)
• Philippines
11 Mar 11
Definitely yes. I would rather be glad to have a father disciplining his kids in a silent way. Actions speak more than words they say. You are lucky to have a father like him. I always hoped to have such a dad but life's like that but sadly I don't.
@macayadann (1235)
• Philippines
21 Mar 11
you may find him in other way around,maybe you could find him thru your kids or thru your husband.
@CarlHalling (3617)
• United Kingdom
11 Mar 11
Your father sounds like a wonderful man; a real man; a hero in his own way who worked in often difficult circumstances to provide for his family. I respect that. My dad who was born in Australia lost his dad when he was I think only 12 years old after a long battle against multiple sclerosis. After that, he spent time in Denmark, and then in the UK, where he has been ever since. He worked hard as a musician to provide for his family. We weren't rich; but we were well provided for. My dad is quite extrovert and social, and likes to talk and be around people; but in all the years I've known him I've barely known him to shout. He knows when to be quiet, and hates conflict. He rarely speaks his mind in anger, and keeps his feelings to himself when hurt or angry. But he can sure communicate his displeasure. So yes, I think it's still possible to discipline through silence.
@macayadann (1235)
• Philippines
21 Mar 11
you must have followed his step for sure,for it is true that the leader of a home which is our father gives rules that must be followed, with a loving concern for each of the member. We will always remember them for the good they have shown us,and love them forever. We usually hurt them in their silence and we do not know how deep, but for sure he does not feel pain, only the love for us that inhibits the pain.
@dainy1313 (2370)
• Leon, Mexico
11 Mar 11
Hello Macayadann Welcome to Mylot! What a nice post! My father also used to said the same phrase as your. But now, my parents are divorced, and this hurts me so much. That some times I doubt of him... because I miss him so much, that I think that he had really loved me, we´d be with my mother now. Kids now a days, modern kids have somemany things that distract them. So if we are the kind of "light parents" kids won´t be raised by this kind of discipline. To raise a kid like your father did, you need a lot of daily courage, and a well focused mind to not loose your temper. Blessings!... Dainy
@macayadann (1235)
• Philippines
17 Mar 11
it is only when we realize that our parents love us so much when we become parents too, but, the fact that children today have so much different views and have very complicated highly technical situation in their doings,they are harder to handle.You are right, losing temper destroys your communication to them and the more you will not be able to reach them.
@p3ks626 (6538)
• Philippines
12 Mar 11
I think my dad has never been very silent. He likes to talk and talk and he jokes around a lot. He even talked more when he got sick cause that was the only thing he was allowed to do and my father was always used to doing something. When I stayed in my hometown for days, all we had to do was talk and we did it until 1 am.
@hardworkinggurl (37063)
• United States
11 Mar 11
Welcome to myLot macayadann,
Sorry to read about your great fathers passing, it should sounds like he was a great impact and example in your life. I did not have a father role model growing up but I certainly do understand the value a parent can set forth to a child.
I believe that we cannot only talk the talk, as a parent we must lead by example and make sure that what our children see is exactly what we want us to be remembered by. This will later incorporate onto them.
@macayadann (1235)
• Philippines
21 Mar 11
true enough, let us not inflict on children's mind the wrong doings giving bad example as fathers.Being the head of the family,fathers should lead, and create an environment of harmony.
@Jiabsa (511)
• India
11 Mar 11
When I read this story two drops tears fell down from my eyes. The real love is the love that we get from our parents and nobody can love as our parents. They are our God. I love my father than everything in the world, because He is like that. But my problem is that I don't know how to express my love towards them.
@macayadann (1235)
• Philippines
21 Mar 11
remember action speaks louder than words,hug him always,show him your achievements or your trials towards it,in that way he will be peaceful in mind that when he leaves, you can stand on your own. That is what our fathers want us to have ,the security of our future.
@rhizziel2301 (169)
• Philippines
20 Mar 11
My tears dropped when i read your discussion your so lucky with your dad he is a good father to you, this type of approach to discipline is also good for the kids sometimes kids also thought when their parents are good to them they are not doing bad will for the sake of the wellbeing of their parents.
@macayadann (1235)
• Philippines
21 Mar 11
I am really so lucky that I had a father like him. There are those who are out of their mind using their kids to do for them what they should be doing for their kids instead.They force them to do the responsibility that they should be the one doing.Harsh as it is the character of an evil is with them.My silent father is a silent builder of our future which we all acquired and enjoying right now with our own family.
@xien2xien (1382)
• Philippines
11 Mar 11
your father was good and your very lucky, my father is also a man with few words, sometimes when he's angry with me he don't nag at me instead he will talk to my mom then later on my mom will go to my room and talk to me about my mistake, my father don't usually don't im his favorite child and i think he just can't manage to shout at me because the way i move, the way i think even the way i reason out for things, i've almost got it everything to him, his my idol while growing up.
i just remember the time when he caught me smoking. he just only said, i don't know that you're smoking, then said does your mom knows about this? i felt guilty as charge and can't say anything. then he turn away. and another moment my mom was talking to me :)
@macayadann (1235)
• Philippines
21 Mar 11
He is afraid of hurting your feeling because he loves you very much and it is hard to put up a conversation if you are facing a woman unlike man to man talk. He gives to your mom what he wants to express on you,because your mom is a woman.
@sunny5u (2069)
• India
11 Mar 11
Hi macayadann, you are really blessed to have such a father, who worked hard to give you education and respect in this society, my dad is not a man of few words but when he is with tensions then he don't like to share with us, mainly the reason is he thinks that we'll much about those tensions and neglect our career or education whatever it may be, but when he get rid of all those tensions then he is the who enjoys with us a lot.
@shia88 (4571)
• Malaysia
11 Mar 11
Hi,
All the while,my father is more silent type,he does not
talk much,but he cares about his family.
He has been working so hard for the children and family.
I have a good life when I was young and I am blessed to be my
parents' daughter. My parents are a great person in my life.
They give me the best for anything in my life.
I would say ,my father has given me a chance to have a good
education abroad, i knew that I have so much of his money on
education.
I always respect my father and mother,never quarrel with them.but yet
I miss them so much.
@sender621 (14893)
• United States
11 Mar 11
Sadly, my father passed away several years ago. During my childhood, my father was anything but a silent man. he got his point across and usually didnt take your feelings into consideration .My father was the kindest man at most times. If you crossed his path, you suffered the consequences. i never had to worry about getting the silent treatment and this is something i dont use on others in return. Being silent only bottles up emotions that will eventually erupt and cause more damage.
@sweet_pea (3322)
• Philippines
11 Mar 11
Hi Macayadann! Welcome to Mylot!
Your discussion reminds me of my father who had long been gone.
He is a man of a few words. When we were small, he used to discipline us with a hard stick when we tend to be really naughty.
When my mother left us to work overseas, he tended us and pretty did a good job.
He never was vocal about his feelings for us. I didn't remember he told us that he loved us. But his actions say what words cannot be said. I know he loved his children. I remember, when I had ruined a dessert that I made. All my siblings were laughing at it but my father ate it and said that it did taste good.
I really missed him dearly.
Me and my husband both have fathers who are not that vocal about their feelings toward their children. So we really make it a point to be different towards our kid. We try to remind him everyday that we really loved him and always give him a kiss before we leave for work.
@kwylima (451)
• United States
11 Mar 11
Yeah! I think all the good fathers say the same thing and think the same way! all what the want is to make us happy, safe and good persons..what i think the education give to us. My father is a man of few words as well..but I am sure that He loves and cares about me and He wanna see me happy and having a good life.But sometimes I wish He could talk more and more...and then when he starts talk I think...`OMG why does not stop talking` hahha... anyway I love him so much and I know the He loves as well!
