Surprise, you are pregnant

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The first time i fount out i was pregnant, i couldn't believe it, it was something I definitely didn't wanted. I was so disappointed and frustrated. I even hated my boyfriend for me he was the guilty one and the worst part is how i found out. i was in the gastroenterologist he previously send me to do some lab test, when i went back to the office and i was already inside for the check up because i had the worst gas, by the way is the one that comes out of the mouth. So there i was ready for the test and all when the doctor comes to the office and says to me that the pregnancy test came back positive. i walked so furious out of there, i couldn't even look at my boyfriend without wanting to scream at him or hit him. i didn't know what to do, a lot of things came to my mind. how i wanted to do so many things before i even had i child, if it even that day would come. i didn't wanted kids and i didn't liked them so being around with a giant belly made me feel ashamed and eve foolish for all the things i have said before and now i had to swallow every word i said about not having kids ever. i always said that i wouldn't have children and eve if i did it will have been at least in my 30's, but life had other plans for me. i went through depression, i felt lonely, unaccomplished, i felt rage and sadness and i cried all the time, i had a lot of mixed feelings. One thing i was sure i was definitely not happy. I couldn't tolerate any food or smells. I threw up everything and i had nausea all the time, even at times my boyfriend bothered me i eve thought of leaving him. We recently had moved to a new apartment near the beach, but the apartment was small and it had some issues that didn't bother me before but after i fount out i was pregnant i couldn't wait to get out of there to a bigger space, that why i decided to go back to my mom's for a while at least till we found a new apartment. The first months were the worst and i eve thought of not having the baby and now that think about it it makes me feels so bad. i didn't wanted the baby because i didn't felt ready having someone depending on me forever or at least a pretty long time. i still wanted to do stuff without having to worry about major things. i wanted to finish my degree, travel, hang out with friends. I felt that my life was ending to soon, no more fun, n more going out whenever i wanted. It was a very difficult decision and a very difficult time. I started to grow bigger and bigger, my boobs went from b to d. i was so worried of how my body was going to look like after pregnancy, especially those stretch mark all women fear.I know it sound selfish and not very nice but I'm sure I'm not the only one who has ever felt this way before. Every day that went by was like a warning saying, enjoy your last days of freedom. Then that day finally came, i went to the doctor for my weekly check up. They took my pressure and it was higher than usual i also gained to a lot of weight abruptly. i was so inflated and i didn't even had ankles anymore, i retained to much liquid and now i was like a balloon. The doctor didn't hesitate and send me to the hospital for observation with no food and i was so hungry. The next day i was so anxious i didn't wanted to be in the hospital for to long, I was at my 38th week, so imagined if i had to be two weeks in the hospital. I don't know but something trigger my body and my water broke, without any dilatation or contractions, so guess what? C-section here she come. I cried, i was so nervous, i didn't wanted that, what about what i wanted? what about me? People must think, what about the baby? well this story is about me. The baby, well that's another story...