Just really confused!?*@#!

Tweet

I know mylot isn't a personal journal or a place to vent nor a place o expose all my personal business but I really needed to get this situation off my brain my chest and my heart. I'm really not looking for a response but I will gladly accept advice I just need to speak my mind. Me and my boyfriend have been in a relationship since Jan this year but when have been involved with each other deeply since 2007. We decided to make it official and I couldn't be happier. My concern is does he feel the same way. Just this morning we got into a huge debate and it got completely out of hand. My emotions boiled over and I couldn't control myself worse of all it left me confused about the way he feels. We woke up to a great morning. We decided to design my daughters room while they're away for the weekend. I have three children none in which belongs to him. As we were putting up the Hannah Montanna in the kids room we listened to music and a song came on that he like that made me ask him how could the guy tell men listening to his music that they don't need to have a girlfriend they need to pimp if he has a wife and three children? It just sounded contradicting to me because some men are players and think that having a wife is one of the worse things they can do for the single career. He actually has a wife which is 3 steps beyond having a wife with children in other words a complete family. My boyfriend went into explaining how men think and they are from different perspectives @ this time we were still hugging each other kissing and everything was just a normal situation. Until I said don't you try to be like those men. He blow up and was like I don't try to be nothing and we got into a little fight then I got silent to prevent it from going further. He did the same and he calmed down. By the end of us being done with the wall he brought it back up and we got upset all over then it escalated into bigger issues that I had no idea he was feeling. He told me that I'm not the boss of him and lately I have been asking him to help me more around my house and with my children and he has willingly with no problem which didn't make me realize I was taking it for granted. I was kinda confused though because he has been offer to help me especially when he sees I'm most frustrated. It was something that he said though that really stuck with me. He told me that for the last week my actions have been showing him that I don't want to be with him. I ask him to give me examples of times I've showed him this and he couldn't provide one he simple said I just haven't been acting the same as his baby he fell in love with. I know for the last week I have been trying my best to let him know he's the one for me on numerous occasions. Like My girls father has a car that I have in my name that he drives so we had to come together and go to the dmv and get the car back situated because its been a while since we drove it. Prior to me leaving with my kids dad me and my kids dad got into a fight because I disagreed with something he did when my kids visited him for the weekend so after that fight I told my boyfriend that he can't get me to do anything for him because he always spoil my day. But the next day my kids dad took an different approach and came to me better so I agreed to get the car together for him. When I was out and about with my kids dad I texted my boyfriend in his face so he could know that I'm serious about being with him and he shouldn't worry thinking that I'm doing other things than what I say I'm doing with my ex. And to prove to my ex that I'm serious about my boyfriend. As soon as I got home I got in touch with my boyfriend and was anxious to see him. We relaxed for the rest of the night and it didn't seem then that we had an issue. Also one of my ex boyfriends ironically is one of his friends and we happened to cross his path. I stayed focus on everything but him to let him know that he is irrelevant and that I have completely moved on.My boyfriend later on told me that his friend made him feels some kind of way and I assured him that he no longer means anything to me and I am with him now. He said he was happy to hear that. I can't even think of another time that would make him feel like I don't want to be with him but he left the house for fresh air so when he comes back whenever he does lets see if he still want to discuss the issue or is he wants me to kiss him and act like nothing happened this morning. Inside I will still be confused but I have been through similar events with him before. I can't comprehend how I'm showing him I don't want to be with him when I have just posted over ten pictures of use together on facebook to share with the whole world and I talk about him to everyone and introduce him to everyone important in my life (SHRUG)... Guess I need to try harder to prove myself. Honestly though I don't know what more I can do to show him how I feel. I swear that I'm doing the right thing but come the end of the week he telling me I didn't so now where do I stand. Confused trying to figure out what the hell is going on, how do I feel, and what do I do next?