Follow your heart or listen to your children...any suggestion mylotters :)

Oh did is sad situation because he wants his children happy but he is in love with someone else. I would say that normally for love we do anything in regards to the kids but the thing is that I would feel that what will happen after the children are gone and married he then has to continue living in misery with the ex wife. I think and how about his love, she will not wait forever is my thought. So I think he needs to follow his heart and still be a father. Whey can't he love his children just the same without the wife. The children someday will be in love and comprehend main thing is that he tell his children no matter what he will always be their father and loved them for ever. But of course this is his decisions. Have A Nice Day!

at the end of the day, it's all about making decisions that will make us happy. so it's just weighing things... what bring us joy and happiness. i'd say that his kids are all grown up now with separate lives to live... he has been a husband and a father for a good number of years already... what more could the kids want or ask for? he had a marriage that unfortunately didn't last a lifetime... his former wife had crossed another river... and he himself is sailing a different one too. i think they both have moved on to a new life away from each other. a complete family doesn't always guarantee happiness... it doesn't always spell joy. if people can be happier living apart, why doom them to a life together spending it with regret? i'd say let him follow his heart because he owes it to himself to be happy. life is not just making other people happy while living a miserable life. life is making decisions, choosing what's right... or best... or make mistakes... or whatever. it can't always be picture perfect. it can only be a choice one has to live with. now, if scenarios are different like being torn between 2 women he both love... making a decision can be truly complicated. we're talking about spending the remaining years of his life with his love. and if his kids really love their father that much, they would allow him his freedom to love for himself... not for their sakes. if his former wife truly loved him in the truer and deeper meaning of the word, there wouldn't have been the cheating in the first place. and if she really wanted to get reunited with the husband then by all means, try to win him back. but play fair this time around, and mean it. happiness is a choice (as what my profile page has indicated since i started in mylot. hehe) and it's one that each of us has to make on our own. have a great weekend j

My dear sister, And you made confused your sister too........ it is complicated situation for sure. I felt for the kids but not on that lady, where was her love for kids at the time spending with another guy. I won't ask this guy to think about this lady again. If he stood for himself and his love, we can’t blame him.

hi sis. is this the new status available on FB, CONFUSED?

listen to children thats more important what you need to do.hear them ,know them .

I just want to be clear..are you his girlfriend? His kids are grown now, so what they want is not a priority. I am really concerned, though, that he is confused. and sharing this with his girlfriend. That is a bad sign, I think. It would be okay for him to stop and take a minute and think this through, but it shouldn't take him long to decide who he wants to be with. If his girlfriend has only met him once, then I don't think she is really a girlfriend in his mind. I hate to be nagative, but I don't like the sound of this at all.

Well, his responsibility is to his children. However, that being said doesn't mean that he must reconcile with his wife. He needs to consider what is in the best interest of his children. If he feels that the relationship with the wife is hurtful to the family, then he should sit with his children and explain his side of things to them. However, if he and his wife could reconcile and make the relationship work then that is what he should do. After all, we marry for life!

You should always follow your heart. Children have their own agenda. The children are old enough to understand and may just be being selfish. My brother and his wife split when their children were adults and the children accepted it. Some children do not. I worked with a girl who was married but she was furious that her father was dating a woman. She saw his money as her inheritance and resented this woman as someone stealing her inheritance. She was not considering her father's happiness just her own selfishness. 8 years is a long time. If they were going to get back together it would have happened by now. It depends on why they split. I think he should divorce and make the separation permanent. It is his life not his childrens. If they are sensible they can still be friends for the children's sake but you should not stay in a relationship that is not working just to please your children. It is your life, your happiness. Why should a person suffer just to please their children. The children are old enough to look after themselves.

He has every right not to reconcile with someone who has cheated on him, and his kids have no right to dictate this to him.

Hello bonita mia...this a test of love. Only him could decide which is more heavier, his love of his own children or his own love to his current love affair. It's hard to tell because it's matter of self rejection and sacrifices on the part of the guy. I think if I would be at the position of the guy, i would have to talk with my children, heart to heart talk and agree on something favorable on both parties. Whew!! another problem of yours bonita... Hope the current lover is not you.. Mobhomeir here..

Run, if he can't make decisions any better than to not know who he wants to spend the rest of his life with, do yoursekf a favor and don;t get in the mix of it. Sounds like he already has to many things to think about. A situation like that would confuse anyone.

Hi, If I were in his situation, I guess the best thing that I can do is to be myself. If I don't share the same feelings with my wife then so be it, I'm not gonna reunite with her just for the sake of the children, sometimes If we insist on doing something that we know that it's not really what we want and that we're not happy, in the long run, we will all suffer the consequence. Sometimes being a good father to your kids doesn't mean you have to be with your wife. Any relationship must always be a two way process, it'll never work out if there's no more love. I think they are better off as ex husband and wife. A good marriage is at least 80 percent good luck in finding the right person at the right time. The rest is trust....

hi jaiho, Uuuuhhhmmm......this story is quite familiar well this is really a hard situation because they both still need to consider the feelings of their children,if he doesn't have a feelings to his wife i better suggest he file an annulment so that the separation will be legal. No children wants their parents to be separated it really hurts but in this case will i think the guy deserve to be happy after all besides all of his children are in good life now so why not to fall in love again and be happy once more. In every decision you will make there will always be a bad or good consequence but whatever your decision will be i am just here hope you both can find happiness happy mylotting

Just give it up. :I

As far as I am concerned he has to follow his Heart His Children are grown now and have their own Life What is not to say that his ex wife will again find someone new in a few Months and then it starts all over again He is a fool if he goes back if he does not love her

Children (whether adults or school aged) do not get to decide their parent's life for them. This guy has been separated for a long time from his wife, and for a very good reason! It sounds like his wife only wants him back because the other guy left her. Because if she really felt repentant over what she had done she would have come back years ago and asked for forgiveness. Around here we have a saying 'Once a cheater, always a cheater' and it is so true. Sure if you really want to change your ways, you can... but not in the relationship in which you cheated. I don't know why it works like that, but even if you have potential to be a faithful spouse, it's not going to work out if you stay with the person you cheated on. Again, as far as the children go they have no right to decide if their parents get back together or not. My parents are divorced and sure it saddens me that they are no longer together. Sure, at one time I would have wished they could work things out... but now my Dad is engaged to another woman and I'm so happy for him that he was able to move on past the hurt and pain of a divorce and take a chance on love again. And that's the attitude adult children or young children should have. Our parents got along just fine in the whole love game before we came along... I think they can handle themselves just fine now.

Hiya jaiho, Quite confusing yes he seems to be torn aside on two lines of feelings here. If his Children are grown up or not I suppose that he will still not want to hurt them either. But if he really loves the other Woman. Well anyway the real answer has to come from himself. It cannot be an easy decision to make really being tied between your Children and your new love. If it were me I would do things bit by bit and see where it goes. Rushing into things like that is not good for him or anyone. He has to take his time and decide once and for all.

Jai beta I am sure it is a story from your country, i know many such girls who face similar fate. The guys leave the wives for a new younger woman, because number of women there is more compared to men But why should a young girl accept a second hand man, i wonder.. Here in india such things are not common, but exceptions are there.. Thanks for sharing this discussion Cheers. BE HAPPY ALWAYS. Blessings from Dada Professor ‘Bhuwan’. .

I will be totally confused like you Jai, may go mad, he he Thanks for sharing Happy posting, cheers. Namastey. Kalyani

Its time to give responsibility to grown up childrens... Let them decide...