my boyfriend treats my son diffrent from his own

This no doubt is quite difficult because of the relationship. The old saying, 'Blood is thicker than water,' lives in your scenario. You need to consider a few things...1) Who is the most important person on this relationship? Your boyfriend or your child? 2) Have you or will you talk about these differences, and when you do, take a good hard look at your boyfriend's response...if there is humility, then you can work it out - if there is defiance or resistance, then you might wanna consider the future of your relationship with your boyfriend. I'm not a proponent of putting children before a spouse, but he is NOT your spouse...something to think long and hard about. Sista, do NOT sacrifice your kid(s) for the sake of a relationship - honey, just because you're alone, doesn't mean you're lonely.

This is natural ofcourse its not his kid. Do you treat his kid the same as your kid? This is basic human nature to care for your own more than others. A piece of advise dont expect for this guy or any guy that comes into your life to treat your kid with the same love and care you give yours or even close.

Hi. kahanuola. Welcome to myLot! I don't think that you are overreacting at all. This guy is not being fair here. He should not treat your son like this. If you are good to his son, then he should show the same attitude towards your son too. That is one of the things that has to be done with a couple that have children from a previous relationship. You sound like a loving and smart girl, and if he continues to act this way with your son, you should consider departing from him. In the meantime, talk to him and tell him what you have told us. Tell him how it makes you feel too. Hopefully, your conversation with him will have the power to change things for the better. Take care.

I think you need to follow your instincts about this guy; you can find another boyfriend, but that son you can never replace. I think children that age are very vulnerable and needs to be protected. Maybe speaking to your boyfriend could clear the air, but if this is not changed then maybe you should change, boyfriends or just stay single; that what I did. Once I was divorced, I made up my mind that I would not get seriously involved with anyone for along time. I wanted to raise my child and go to school and I did that. Of course, there were friends and social life, but nothing touched my child's life. We think that we can't be alone, but we can be if we are determine to have a better life and make one for our children. Our responsibility is to our child/children, not our significant other who may stick around, or not. Watch the signs, then you will know what you have to do, then do it.

Hi kahanuola: I think you should talk with your partner and making him notice that it's not ok his attitude and that he is being unfair. Give him some examples of how he is acting. He needs to change this attitude, because he is not acting well. But you have to make clear your point of view and he must know that this is not good. ALVARO

Parents use different approaches to parenting and age is a very important factor in the development of the children. Ask yourself, did your boyfriend nit pic at his child when the child was just under 2? If not, your instincts are probably correct. Your son's well being should be your number one concern as you mentioned. If you cannot seperate your children from your relationship, its time to move on in my opinion.

That nitpicking is a form of abuse, and can escalate. You need to find a boyfriend who respects and loves your son.

In my opinion. You should think about your son and whether he is treated fairly by your boyfriend. If your partner really loves you, he will love your son the same way he loves his own son. He will treat him the same as his own child no matter what age. Talk to him calmly about this issue and maybe you two can compromise. If not, then you will have to make a decision. like what they say, You can replace your boyfriend but you can never, as in ever replace a son. Your son is your most valuable possession. If everyone else turned their backs on you, your son will keep on believing in you. I also have a son and I love him more that anything else. I don't even let my husband(his daddy) hurt him or scold him. so I think what he is doing is clearly wrong and out of place. besides, a 3 year old boy is still very young, easily scared of things but they have a very sharp memory. they can remember a lot of things including the scolding of your boyfriend.

Hi You have to take a very difficult decision whether to stick with the guy you love or move away with your son who needs you to be with him at this stage. If your son continues getting such treatment from your partner,it will adversely affect his psyche at this crucial age.

this is a very sensitive issue for both of you. if you want to know the reasons then it is time for you and huby to sit down and talk about it... he might now be observing what he is doing or he does not know or is not aware that he is being biased. Just be careful since this may cause bigger problems if he will not understand your side, god bless.

You as a mother have to trust your gut and if the way your boyfriend treats your son bothers you enough to not trust him being alone with him then that is a serious red flag. A good mother knows when something isnt right. It may be something that can be fixed by being open and talking to your boyfriend about it, but beware that if he really does have a problem with your son it could make things worse. You are not over reacting at all!

I agree with all the response of this discussion. All I can say is, please don't be blinded by your love towards your boyfriend. If he loves you, he will accept the whole you including those who you love most. Don't sacrifice your son for your own desire. Act now before its too late.

ya sometime missundstaning happen in the family so you just care both the child.

Well it seems like its just an issue that should be discussed before it gets a little farther then expected.My opinion is to tell him how you feel and find out what he says and how he feels about it.It might actually bring to light what he does.And if you can not trust a man around your child then it might just be that man.But if you keep to yourself about how you feel he treats your son differently then he will never know.Also,if you have the discussion and he still does its then you might ave to make a very hard choice.Sometimes talking gets the problem solved.

Your boyfriend could be feeling resentful of your relationship with your son. maybe his relationship with his own son is not one like you have. Lashing out at your son may be his way of dealing with his own pain. Perhaps you should let your boyfriend know how much this situation is hurting you. If he doesnt understand, the relaationship with him may not last.

Hi kahanuola and a warm welcome to you on myLot! As a single mother of two I would not be questioning a relationship between a boyfriend and my children. I just took a look at your profile and as a young mother I take it that your son is quite little still, so therefore there should be no absolute indifference with a boyfriend and how he treats your son. It is my opinion and for me that my child cannot be treated this way by a boyfriend. A boyfriend that I am with has to and must accept my package deal as a whole. I am sure you do as well with his child right? Where you treat his child like you treat your own so to allow a boyfriend not to treat your son fairly would not be right. Because it is ultimately your decision, the only advice I can offer is either you find a way to calmly explain to your boyfriend on how you will not stand for this behavior or you will reconsidering your relationship with him. I am sure you would not allow his biological father to treat your son with indifference so I suppose what is questionable is why allow a boyfriend to do so? Do take time to re-evaluate what is going on and if this relationship actually would be healthy for your son and you. If it persists then where will that leave room for your son to respect him?

I think you should think twice about your relationship. This can have great effect on your son, his scoldings and all that. Remember this is the formative stage of your kid. You must show all the love and concern for him.

I agree with what Angelgirl says! YOu just wait and watch the signs! If this attitude change towards your son is recent, then he seems to be having thoughts about you too. All I can make out from this is that he probably does not want you to come with a baggage of your own, which is quite selfish and conceited considering he has his own son from a previous relationship! If he is unable to understand and respect the very fact that you are a mother of your only son, then he is definitely NOT the guy for you. Age difference does not matter at all, a three-year-old boy or two-year-old, they are both still virtually babies who can only understand the feelings of love or hatred and not the complications of any kind of relationship. So if he has been nitpicking your son as opposed to the very things that his son does, then your son might grow resentful of other younger children and this BF of yours, because he is old enough to understand that he is being rejected by him. You will not be overreacting in any manner if you wish to take this up with your boyfriend, in fact you should do so because the well-being and wlefare of your child should be first and foremost in your mind.