If He Couldn't Get The TOP HONORS, Fine, But...

@neildc (17239)
Lapu-Lapu City, Philippines
March 24, 2011 8:18pm CST
Our first grader Patrick was always on top of their class in the preparatory school. But this year, we really do not except he will still get it. His teacher, the Fast Learners (FL) class had told my wife in their last conversation that Patrick could not get the top honors. He probably get the third or the most, second honors, the teacher said. She added that he is really a bright child, only that his parents are not supportive. Supportive of what, to what, in what terms, I asked my wife. The FL teacher reasoned out: 1. Parents were not always visible in the school to help clean the room. 2. Parents were not contributing or donating for the class projects. 3. Parents did not allow the child to attend or join he Boy Scout, the UN Celebration, etc. 4. Parents did not attended the class/school meetings. 5. Our other kids resisted when they were told to clean the room, when they have to fetch him. Patrick we know is a bright and intelligent boy. We were even amazed at times when we learn he already knew some things we thought could only be known or learned by the other chilren older than him. And he is really so independent and responsible, even when he was still 3 years old. If he could not get the top honors, it's fine with us, but please do not throw the blame on us, the parents. In the first place, we are not "sipsip" parents. (Urban Dictionary describes "sipsip" as someone who ingratiates oneself to another in the hope of currying favor.) I can't help but asked my wife, is that the way he graded her students? Did she graded them according to their performance in the class or according their parents ability to "sipsip"? I don't know how to deal with this. I want to keep my temper now. ~~ NEIL™ ~~
6 people like this
22 responses
@GardenGerty (160483)
• United States
25 Mar 11
I would have a hard time holding my temper. Grades are supposed to be what students earn, not what their parents do. Patrick is the tops in your book I am sure. Besides that, for much of the year you have been very busy getting ZayZay's health taken care of.
@neildc (17239)
• Lapu-Lapu City, Philippines
25 Mar 11
Zayzay really made the entire family busy last year but we never forgot the other children. We did however, remind them of their responsibilities, their school, their household chores, even when we were away (for 3 months). I am sure we told the teacher about that and I thought she is a good person that she can understand the situation. She should even supported us. But anyway, I told Patrick that we'll make-up in the next school year. One more thing I thought could be the reason why she could not give it to Patrick? She filed a complaint against her neighbor with our office. It's a criminal case. She expect, I guess, that if she has friends in this office, she will win the case even if her evidence is weak. It ended that her case was dismissed by the prosecutor. And she though maybe, I done nothing with it. Of course, I have nothing to do with it because I am not the prosecutor in the first place.
2 people like this
@GardenGerty (160483)
• United States
25 Mar 11
I see, a possibility of political motivation. I think Patrick has done very well this year.
@neildc (17239)
• Lapu-Lapu City, Philippines
25 Mar 11
Sort of a mixed motivation, I guess.
• Philippines
25 Mar 11
Hello Neildc, That is obviously UNFAIR, i think you need to address this concern to DEPED or the principal. if not, i think some other government agencies who are concerned with BIAS teachers! Or better yet, transfer him to a school that focus more on student's performance..that is a very unfair teaching of that person. Truly, our educational system has flunked out on areas that are not well visited by higher ops in DEPED. i think we have run out of supervisors or observers for some reason. am sure you're not alone in this situation.
1 person likes this
@neildc (17239)
• Lapu-Lapu City, Philippines
25 Mar 11
I guess it's really her characteristic being a person and not being a teacher. I learned a few things about her. Her neighbors petitioned that she get ejected from their place. She has a lot of foes not only in their neighborhood but also in school. She filed a complaint with the prosecution office against one of their neighbors but was dismissed for the reason of weak evidence. She was called for mediation by the barangay officials, not only once this school year alone. I am not trying to put her down and I am not a person who do things like that with just any person. I am sure I am a good person, a good friend to her. But with this last happening, I really can't help but rant on her.
• Philippines
27 Mar 11
there is no excuse, she surely is bias. not performing professionally.
@dpk262006 (58676)
• Delhi, India
25 Mar 11
Hi! The method of assessment appears strange to me. It is understandable that parents' contribution also count in the success or say rating of a child but their contribution is secondary, what is important is performance of a child in the class. A child should be graded based on his performance, skills and attitude towards studies.
@dpk262006 (58676)
• Delhi, India
25 Mar 11
Take it easy neil. It would not be advisable to fight with school authorities.
@neildc (17239)
• Lapu-Lapu City, Philippines
25 Mar 11
whoever they are, as long as we are in the right side and we have sufficient evidence, we can. but at this moment, i rather not.
@neildc (17239)
• Lapu-Lapu City, Philippines
25 Mar 11
Hi dpk, If only I learned about this before I posted this topic, I guess I have a better idea why it is impossible for Patrick to get the top honors. That while we were having lunch earlier, Patrick says their class includes; A granddaughter of the principal. A daughter of one of the teachers. A son of an Air Force Officer. (Teacher's husband is also in the Air Force and they live in the same neighborhood.)
@ckyera (17331)
• Philippines
25 Mar 11
hi neil! sad to know that this practice exists in our schools and that there are still teachers like them. I am also a product of public elementary school and I also notice the same thing back then. that time we believe that our salutatorian is better than our valedictorian, but since the other one is richer and her parents are more powerful and being able to donate things for the school, she got the first spot. but anyway, they are both intelligent just that the other one is richer. lol! that's life, so sad. with your case, well i understand your sentiments but i hope that your Patrick will not be affected with this system, just keep on studying well and a good future is waiting for him. and it don't only happens to you, many are experiencing the same!
@neildc (17239)
• Lapu-Lapu City, Philippines
25 Mar 11
Hiya ckyera! It's really sad to know that this system still exists. The old system we used to fight us with while we were still in grade school. Like I said in the other comments, I will let this one pass and I told Patrick that we will make up in the next years to come. What really made me feel upset is, why she have to tell those reasons to my wife. If she had just said, he is good in class but there is one or two better than him. Something like, nothing to say but he is one of the honors, period.
@neildc (17239)
• Lapu-Lapu City, Philippines
25 Mar 11
Have you read my comment in box # 14? Please do if you missed it.
@ckyera (17331)
• Philippines
25 Mar 11
i think she's kinda stupid to tell your wife such reasons...and also inconsiderate knowing that she knows what your family have been through with zayzay's health. anyway, it is a public school right? i guess there's nothing new about it already, knowing who are your kid's classmates! from then till now, system is still the same. whoever have the connection gets better and more attention. you may not be able to complain in the school head but with DECS maybe you can. but its a long process and i'm afraid that it might just waste your time and yet get no result. huh! i guess you are right in just letting it pass for now, afterall its still early and these awards will not determine how the life of these children would be in the future.
@saphrina (31551)
• South Africa
25 Mar 11
Hi sweetie. I would have lost my temper and took that teacher on. You grade the child according to his/her performance. The parents, cleaning and all that other crap has got nothing to do with it. Is there any way you can go and put a complaint in about her? Or should i come and teach her the basics of grading kids??
@neildc (17239)
• Lapu-Lapu City, Philippines
25 Mar 11
As we were having lunch earlier, I come to learn about this from Patrick, sweetie. That their class includes a granddaughter of the principal of the same school; That one of his classmates is daughter of one of the teachers of the same school; That his teacher's husband is in the Air Force; That one of his classmate is son of an Air Force Officer. Which made me think that it is really impossible for him to get the top honors, if this teacher will consider the first list i mentioned originally and with this new information I got from him.
@neildc (17239)
• Lapu-Lapu City, Philippines
25 Mar 11
Seriously sweetie, I don't want to get involved in trouble with anyone. If she sees it rightful for the top honors she or the school have selected, it's fine and no question. But the way she described it, why Patrick could not make it is something rude, ridiculous, unethical. Why not say, simple as, Patrick is second or third honors? Why not just say, Patrick is good but this or that student is better than him?
@saphrina (31551)
• South Africa
25 Mar 11
I honestly don't give a flying fig who the other kids parents are sweetie. Just because you ain't in such a position doesn't mean your children need to be treated like that. If i were you i would go and complain. If they don't listen, write to the school board. This is really unfair.
@knicnax (2233)
• Philippines
25 Mar 11
Boy scout, I understant, but the rest is like, WHAAAAT? What school is this anyway? I'd like to know so I won't send my baby brother there, just in case. Anyway, have you thought of talking to the principal about it? Usually grades are in a report card right? basis for grading is found there. If what the teacher said were really part of the grading system, I guess you can't do anything about it. But seriously, they're like encouraging parents not to work just so they could be more active in school. Try talking it out with the school principal. Grades shouldn't be based on the parents behaviour. Since when did parent attendance matter? If you wouldn't allow your kid to join extra-curricular activities, that shouldn't matter either cause they are EXTRA-CURRICULAR.
@neildc (17239)
• Lapu-Lapu City, Philippines
25 Mar 11
It's a public school here in the Visayas. I think she really gives favor to the "sipsip" parents. I know we can do something but I rather not do it. I don't want the teacher be intimidated either, if I will talk with the principal.
1 person likes this
@neildc (17239)
• Lapu-Lapu City, Philippines
25 Mar 11
Additional information I got from Patrick; One classmate is granddaughter of the principal. Another is daughter of one of the teachers. And one is son of an Air Force Officer. (Teacher's husband is also in the Air Force and they live in the same neighborhood.) Which made me think that it is too impossible for him to get the top honors.
1 person likes this
@knicnax (2233)
• Philippines
25 Mar 11
ahh yes! That pretty much sums it up. I have nothing against public schools and public school teachers, but in this case, we now know the reason. Don't worry. I'm glad you took the time to find out why he isn't in the top of his class. Some parents are too concerned with the ranking that they neglect finding out the real reason. All the best to Patrick and your family!
@rsa101 (38126)
• Philippines
25 Mar 11
Numbers 3 & 4 maybe a valid reason, 5 is somewhat more like behavioral which may also be true but that is to be validated while 1 & 2 is really not acceptable for me. I think that should not be the reasoning for them to lower the grades of your son because you were not present or contributed to school projects. This should be voluntary and should never be part of the grading system of the child. But of course we should also look into the grades of the child and I think that is the best basis for it.
@neildc (17239)
• Lapu-Lapu City, Philippines
25 Mar 11
For the last quarter of last year 2010, we were busy with our little angel Zayzay attending to his health condition. Everybody knows we were in Manila at those times. I even told her about it and I thought we already had an understanding. That's my reply to numbers 3 & 4. Number 5, our other kids will fetch him from school after the class. They need to get Patrick and return home immediately, because there are other important things to do at home, or the elder sibling could have been told to do other things, involving other kids or any other errands. Parents involving 1 and 2 are those "sipsip" parents. In the last Regional Assessment Test (RAT), Patrick even got the highest score. She denied it saying, he got 126 over 127 when the other mother said, the test only has 126.
@neildc (17239)
• Lapu-Lapu City, Philippines
25 Mar 11
I can't help but add this as I just learned this from Patrick during lunch where his class includes; A granddaughter of the principal. A daughter of one of the teachers. A son of an Air Force Officer. (Teacher's husband is also in the Air Force and they live in the same neighborhood.) Which made me think who really is brown-nosing.
• Philippines
25 Mar 11
Huwaat? Is that the criteria for a student to get top honors because their parents are not supportive? i more believe that the reason is that parents are not donating and contributing money, because it is clear that they are into money. So it means the first honor, his/her parents are always donating money for them that is why he or she got in? Is that a new school policy? I believe this honors should be about how intelligent or smart a student is, how she/she gave his/her full potential in school, that is very valuable and he/she been able to inspire others to do the same. I laughed at those reason you stated, they simple describing what is the real objective of the school. When you do not have money, you are nothing. Oh well Hell no! Please say my hello to ZayZay!! And congratulations to Patrick
@neildc (17239)
• Lapu-Lapu City, Philippines
25 Mar 11
I really couldn't believe it when my wife told me all about it. I am not really happy about it. I wanted to talk with her but I rather not, she might get intimidated. We'll just try our luck next time. Thanks for sharing. And about Zayzay, so far, we can't do nothing about his hyper, we just have to bear with it.
@neildc (17239)
• Lapu-Lapu City, Philippines
25 Mar 11
I wanted to add something here but it's a bit long and I don't want to paste it here. If you could see my comments in box # 14? Thanks again...
@mentalward (14690)
• United States
25 Mar 11
I can understand your anger, Neil. I would be furious and doubt I would be able to hold my tongue. We have another word for "sipsip". It's called "brown nosing" (from one's nose being in extremely close proximity to someone's behind, as in "kissing butt"). That happens here, too, but I would never put up with that. I had a boss like that once but I didn't have her as a boss for long. I changed jobs as soon as I could. No, Patrick's grades should NEVER have anything to do with anything you or Bebie do or do not do. I cannot see how your not cleaning the room has anything to do with how well Patrick performs in the classroom. That is ridiculous! Can you report this to the head of the school? This should NOT be going on!
@neildc (17239)
• Lapu-Lapu City, Philippines
25 Mar 11
I also passed by this term, "brown nosing". Yes, his teacher loves her students if the parents are "sipsip" but we cannot do that. That's her choice and I don't want to get her intimidated if I make one move ahead now. I'll let this one pass by, for now. There's one more thing I thought could be the reason why she could not give it to Patrick, even if she knew it. She filed a complaint against her neighbor with our office. It's a criminal case. She expect, I guess, that if she has friends in this office, she will win the case. It ended that her case was dismissed by the prosecutor for insufficiency of evidence. And she though maybe, I done nothing with it. Of course, I have nothing to do with it because I am not the prosecutor in the first place. Anyways, I told Patrick, we'll make it up next school year.
@neildc (17239)
• Lapu-Lapu City, Philippines
25 Mar 11
I came home today for lunch. And I learned from Patrick that their class includes: A granddaughter of the principal. A daughter of one of the teachers. A son of an Air Force Officer. (Teacher's husband is also in the Air Force and they live in the same neighborhood.) Which made me think that there is really no possibility for him to get the top honors. Knowing her characteristics, I can't help but think that she is the one who is brown nosing.
@paula27661 (15811)
• Australia
25 Mar 11
I would feel infuriated by this neildc! How is it that the parents are to blame for the child not being accepted for top honours? We have a system called Jets here which consists of special classes for talented and gifted students and I’ve noticed that each year the children who are chosen to attend the special classes are those whose parents are involved with the school such as parent and teacher meetings etc…
@neildc (17239)
• Lapu-Lapu City, Philippines
25 Mar 11
We are just a bit disappointed about this paula. We really do not expect or hope that he will get the top honors. But since the teacher started or initiated the discussion about our child, we thought that there is really something wrong with the teacher or with the school.
1 person likes this
@jazel_juan (15746)
• Philippines
26 Mar 11
wow. that was something, i didn't students are already graded that way. tsk tsk. I am amazed you did not explode, if i am at your place, i could have exploded right then and there. First, teachers should not let themselves be fooled that way, "di sana sila nagpapadala sa sipsip" since they are teachers, they should know the right values but sadly some do tsk tsk One should evaluate the child according to their true capabilities - how they think, how they learn, how they read but not how good their parents in giving donations or whatever. That is sometimes what infuriates me in schools -private or public it happens. Even in my daughter's class it happens, its just that my husband always control me or tell to not just complain and keep my mouth shut since we know our daughter's capabilities. The honor student is the grandchild of the school's dean so they are using power play. But then i just do not mind since i know my child.
@neildc (17239)
• Lapu-Lapu City, Philippines
26 Mar 11
Maybe, if I was the one who was told about it or if I was with my wife at that time of discussion, I could have exploded. Like I have commented to others, I will let this one pass by. I thought of bringing this to the higher authorities but opted not for personal reasons.
@Theresaaiza (10487)
• Australia
25 Mar 11
Oh so the grading system in the Philippines has changed a lot I see. Now they include the performance of the parents! (sarcastic mode here)
@neildc (17239)
• Lapu-Lapu City, Philippines
25 Mar 11
This I also learned from Patrick, just this lunch time while we dine. Their class includes: A granddaughter of the principal. A daughter of one of the teachers. A son of an Air Force Officer. (Teacher's husband is also in the Air Force and they live in the same neighborhood.) Which made me think that it is really impossible for him to get the top honors, if his teacher is the one who is "sipsip" to those people.
@neildc (17239)
• Lapu-Lapu City, Philippines
25 Mar 11
Consolation? Funny thing there, my wife even told Patrick that it's fine and okay if he can't get the first honors. It's fine cause of the Timex watch. Their school is an adopted school of Timex Watch and each year, they give away watches to the students with honors.
@Theresaaiza (10487)
• Australia
25 Mar 11
You see that's one of the problems we face here in our dear country every day and everywhere. This "palakas" system which is not even a system. I admire people who do not give their objectivity up and would stick to what's ideal. But one consolation in your part though is, your son will move on to the next grade level and will probably not encounter such a teacher anymore. By that time, perhaps you can complain, at least nobody will question your intention for it anymore.
@ybong007 (6643)
• Philippines
25 Mar 11
A second or third honor ain't bad but I can't blame you if you get pissed on the reasons why your son won't be the first honor. Don't get me wrong, but to be on top means you have to be good in almost everything and that includes the reason enumerated by the teacher. Besides, if a parent does all what's enumerated in the list doesn't really mean "sipsip". Chill!
@neildc (17239)
• Lapu-Lapu City, Philippines
25 Mar 11
It really doesn't matter what honors or if he gets one or not. But the reason in the first place, as I guess, should have not been discussed between my wife and the teacher, if there is really nothing wrong with someone or something or there is really something "fishy" going on with the selection of the honor students. I heard this during lunch time with my son. I just learned about this today. He has one classmate who is the GRANDDAUGHTER of the PRINCIPAL. The other classmate is DAUGHTER of one of the TEACHERs of the same school. And the other one is SON of an AIR FORCE Officer. (Teacher's HUSBAND is also in the Air Force and they live in the same neighborhood.) Not this made me think again, are those parents the "sipsip" ones or the teacher is making "sipsip" to those I have mentioned?
@neildc (17239)
• Lapu-Lapu City, Philippines
25 Mar 11
That's what I thought so I just let this thing pass.
@ybong007 (6643)
• Philippines
25 Mar 11
Something smells fishy but i don't think you can do anything to change that. If you raise a complaint, it will only backfire on you. I suggest you just let it go or consider transferring your kid to a more credible school.
• Philippines
25 Mar 11
hello neidc, I know how you feel as they said we send our children at school to be educated and teach what they cannot learn from a home, I don't want to be sarcastic but cleaning the room just to be on the top? besides they also rely on students performance not on parents participation. I believe that Patrick is a bright student like Zay he doesn't need to be Top 1 just to prove how bright he is leave it who cares about medals what matters the most is the child school performance. I also believe that being a bright student doesn't rely on the ribbons and medals that he/she get sometimes teachers are like politician they are in favor of leeches ( NO OFFENSE MEANT). Relax happy mylotting
@neildc (17239)
• Lapu-Lapu City, Philippines
25 Mar 11
you know honey, what is something that my wife could not accept, is the supportive issue. if she could only know, my wife is one of the most supportive mother i have even seen. starting with my son, her stepson. and there was his special child, now 19. then her daughter who is already 18, then our Trisha who is 13. She was always visible in their school.
• Philippines
25 Mar 11
i understand your feelings kuya neil i know how good parents you are to your children well this is the education system here. I remember my mom did not attend any PTA meeting when i was in the elementary but still i was able to be on Top 1, as i read on your previous response this teacher is a leech . kisses to ate babes and zay
@Hatley (163776)
• Garden Grove, California
25 Mar 11
hi neild I would be angry too thats outrageous grading a little child on what they think of the parents. I think I would ask how what you do or dont do according to their odd thinking has to do with grading a child on his performance in school.Lots of parents are not able to do some of the things you listedd so what does that have to do with Patricks performance in his class. this would really tick me off if that had happened to a child of mine.I love yuor term sipsip as that is what I have seen parents do in hopes that they will curry favor with the teacher.
@neildc (17239)
• Lapu-Lapu City, Philippines
25 Mar 11
Hiya Hatley. I really hate sipsip people. I don't even think about doing it when I was in school and even at work. I could say I have never done that brown-nosing ever. I will just pass this one for now but I promise Patrick that in the next years, we will show them who he really is.
@Maggiepie (7816)
• United States
25 Mar 11
Quite aside from your perfectly reasonable objection, I would object if a school forced MY child to pay homage to the U.N.! They're crammed with a group of people who despise my country & all it stands for, & don't deserve praise. In any case, are you in the U.K., Neil? I suppose parents there have a more relaxed attitude than I do, but it sounds as if you don't, & I applaud that. Here it's not called "sipsip," but "sucking up," or "brown-nosing," & we deeply dislike those who do it! I hope you can find a better school for your child! Whew! Maggiepie "Obstacles are those frightening things you see when you take you eyes off your goal." ~ Henry James
@neildc (17239)
• Lapu-Lapu City, Philippines
25 Mar 11
We are from the Philippines, Maggiepie. As I stated, in the UN Celebration, he was not able to attend for the reason that we, his parents were too busy attending with our youngest son Zayzay who underwent surgery in Manila. We live in the south, miles away from where Zayzay had the surgery. It also goes with the reason why, for almost the whole year, we never had lots of time going to the school to attend this and that. I thought she knew about Zayzay and I thought she is a kind person and a friend to us, that she had supported us with the little guy. I really cannot imagine how she said all those things to my wife. And it's a good thing, I wasn't there. Good thing, I wasn't the one she choose to talk about Patrick.
@savypat (20216)
• United States
25 Mar 11
Why do they punish the student for the lack in the parents. This doesn't seem fair to me. Maybe they hope the student will pressure the parents to be more helpful? I think this school is out of line, do they treat each student the same? I mean each family has different pressures, both parents may work, or just have other more important committments on their time. When you sent him to school did you, as parents agree to partisipate in the manner they seem to expect? If so can you change his school? Bottome line is I don't think this is fair to the student.
@neildc (17239)
• Lapu-Lapu City, Philippines
25 Mar 11
we could say that this is fine with the parents although not. but this is really not fair with the student. all i can think for now is to let this one pass by. and i will not let this happen again.
@Cutie18f (9551)
• Philippines
25 Mar 11
There are schools who give so much weight on parents' attendance to meetings and other affairs. Well, not all parents have the time to be attending PTA meetings so it is unfair for the child not to be first honor just because the parents do not attend these meetings. In the end, it should be the real accomplishment of the child which should be considered. For me, I don't give a damn to all these attention to little details like what some of these schools do.
@neildc (17239)
• Lapu-Lapu City, Philippines
25 Mar 11
We just don't want our child to get disappointed that is why we are trying to reach the main reason for him not to get the top honors. We really do not expect him to be the top student in their class, but with what happened, as the teacher was the one who initiated the conversation, we have doubts that there is something wrong, not with our child but with the school, the teacher.
@toniganzon (72281)
• Philippines
25 Mar 11
I think it's time for you to transfer your child to another school where he deserved to be recognized for his own efforts and not according to the parents' participation in school. I haven't experienced such thing in my son's school and I'm still proud that he belongs to one of the smartest in his class. I never participated in any of his school activities but I have never heard anything from the faculty at all. I really abhor this kind of situation and if I were in your situation I would transfer my son immediately.
@neildc (17239)
• Lapu-Lapu City, Philippines
25 Mar 11
I do not think about the transfer of school. Aside from the distance which is very near from our house, I still believe that public schools are not too far from private schools. I too even studied in my entire life in public schools. The school in my opinion is not a reason.
• Philippines
30 Mar 11
Honestly, if I am on your shoes, I won't feel happy too, because it'd feel like, being a parent, I am also being evaluated by my child's teacher. I had same predicament too and I was discouraged with the school politics, turning parents into suckers for pleasing all of them. During vacation, my husband, my son and I talked and we all agreed in enrolling our son in a different school the following year. I prayed and searched around for schools without such flaws. And it was an answered prayer, we found a Christian school that separates the child's scholastic performance from his wrong doings and from our performance as parents. The teachers are really good partners in bringing up our child in God's way. Keeping your temper would be so helpful and praying for this situation may come out as one of the best tool in dealing with it. After all, the real academic capacity of a person is very evident to everyone and it cannot just be seen through the medals given to him/her, all the more if the awarding body is of that kind that you're mentioning. It's just going to be unfair to you, parents and the child if you'll give in to this educators' demands. What's important is your children, your wife, you and God are all in good terms.