Change ! Please Change, You Can Not Be This Way Anymore !!
By lakshmi11
@lakshmi11 (278)
United States
April 2, 2011 8:22am CST
You know, some time ago I complained to someone about a personal struggle with one of my family members. I so much wanted to change the person, but the more I tried to change my loved one, the worser the situation got. And tension was high.
And at that point I got a great advise. Which changed everything:
CHANGE THE WAY YOU LOOK AT THAT PERSON. YOU CAN ONLY CHANGE YOURSELF NEVER OTHERS.
This was the best advise I ever got. At first I had some inner resistance to this, but after some practice I got the hang of it and then, not only I changed, but the person I wanted originally to change, changed as well all by himself.-
3 people like this
7 responses
@lakshmi11 (278)
• United States
3 Apr 11
I learned that changing your thoughts is like changing the radio wave.- You change the frequency you are on and then things you did not perceive before you do now. It is like being in a slightly better or worser world depending how you think.
So everyone around you either changes too or leaves your world.
Have you ever had a day where everything went right or everything went wrong?-
You started of with something you thought was a bad thing or something was really good and then thought along those lines the whole day, so that day in your reality turned out to be either really good or bad.
That is why we need to change our own thoughts to change what is around us.-
It is very astonishing how this works.-
And I must say I really appreciate that you asked your question! It was right on!
@r0ck_r0ck (1952)
• India
2 Apr 11
Yah you are kinda right, Changing someone to something that he/she is not could be fusttrating and could yield trouble, kinda Reminds me of a song on this, Don't stay by linkin park.. lol
@skydancer (2101)
• United States
2 Apr 11
There is surely something to be said for this, and I can totally relate to you as I have had the exact same problem all my life. It is especially difficult to not feel stepped on when my best friends seem close to people I absolutely cannot stand for one reason or another. I always feel like I might be compared in such a way that I will in everyone else's eyes never measure up. I think part of this is my imagination (or so that's what I've been told). I have always had trust issues and problems with intimacy, and basically relationships all together of any sort have been my achilles heel. This makes it even harder for me to change my attitude towards others.
I do, however, agree that it is worth doing if you can bring yourself to do it and actually make any progress on it. It is a challenge no doubt with all the inner resistance you experience at first, like you say. But as Winston Churchill once said, "Attitude is a little thing that makes a big difference" (at least I think it was Churchill), and it certainly did in your situation as the other person seemed to try harder to improve himself as well.
We should all think about this the next time we are quick to criticize someone we care about, as maybe we aren't seeing things as they are but rather as *we* are.
@lakshmi11 (278)
• United States
3 Apr 11
Hey skydancer,
In some ways I am able to relate to your problem. Here is what I practiced to get over the thought what others might think about me.-
First of all look at yourself in the mirror, look into your eyes and observe yourself thinking.-Who is the one that is observing the thinker?-
Quantum physics says that is the real you,- the blueprint of yourself.-
Your problems in terms of thoughts you have which then keep you from enjoying the people around you are observed and learned probably during your childhood through what you heard and observed.
By observing yourself thinking, you free yourself from those problems and learn to realize that we are essentially all the same in different variations and we didn't have much influence which variation we got from our environment.
We just don't have to stick with this variation, knowing that we are not our thoughts
is very freeing.
@ckyera (17331)
• Philippines
3 Apr 11
Hi lakshmi11!
That's good to know that you have solved the problem and that the person that you want to change have already changed for the better. I agree that we can't really change a person the way we wanted them to be, change should start within us, or it should be our own will because if not, you won't succeed. That also what happens with my father before, we want him to change but no matter how we try, he didn't change. But time comes that he decided to change for himself and the will came from him, and from there he become successful, and our wish for him to changed is already granted.
Welcome to mylot!
@jaiho2009 (39141)
• Philippines
2 Apr 11
You are right there.
In order to make someone changed,you have to changed yourself as well.
Or,you have to know when and how to start those changes.
If you want a person to stop smoking,you have to be patience,and not just keep telling that person to stop smoking...
you need to show that person some examples...and the best example is yourself.
(well,this is my example...depends on what you really want that person to changed)
happy weekend
@lakshmi11 (278)
• United States
3 Apr 11
That is what I thought for the longest time too. But then I figured out that you need to let go and think something along the line of: it is o.k. if you smoke I love you the way you are. Kind of the glass is half full instead of nagging and thinking the glass is half empty. Find the good in that person and don't do the nagging and nagging. If you change the channel you perceive someone on, the whole situation changes.
@starsailover (7829)
• Mexico
2 Apr 11
Hi lakshmi: Thanks for sharing this with us. I have to agree with you. We can't change people minds but we can change to make things better. Instead of just thinking what people could do for us we should think more often about what can we do to make things better.
ALVARO
