need advice before jumping
By shikimurei
@shikimurei (284)
Philippines
April 5, 2011 6:35pm CST
Dear My lotters,
I would like to seek out advices before I jump into this thing... well it is about getting married but just in papers. I have been in a relationship with this guy for over 2 years or so. I do love him but he only loves me a little. The marriage is so that we can stay in a country together. We both want to stay together so that we can find out if we do materialize because he is un sure if we can live together. He has a history of a broken family and I on the other hand would like to try if we do materialize. The thing is... will i still get the marriage that i really want in the end? I really wanted a beautiful wedding with a gorgeous gown and all that jazz.. and with a man that loves me for who i am and accepts me.
My bf? well.. he does everything for me and he tries to be with me whenever possible in all my needs. He introduced me to his family already and he is also understanding. I on the other hand try to understand why he is that way ( not being emotional and showy)not being able to say he loves me but i see it in his acts.
I am so confused.. wishing my lotters advices can help...
1 person likes this
5 responses
@violann (436)
• United States
7 Apr 11
If you're getting married just to stay in country, then this is totally the wrong reason to get married, think again before giving up everything and marrying this guy and moving to his country. Things could totally change once you're there, granted you've been together for 2 yrs but how well do you really know him and why would you marry someone who doesn't love you or only loves you a little. Mariage is a 2 way street one person can't always give and get nothing back. People do nice things for people sometimes it doesn't even matter if they love, or like that person, that's just the way they are. or sometimes it's for alterior motives.
My opinion is don't get married until you can have the wedding you want, because once you tie the knot you will probably not have the wedding you want. Just make sure.
1 person likes this
@keshia2007r (2880)
• United States
6 Apr 11
I've always hear, if you doubt yourself think twice. Getting married should be the most wonderful time in a womens life. A wedding as you describes is just about every womens dream. Forgive me if i'm wrong, but I don't hear the joy in your voice, and I don't blame you. You really have to ask yourself if you just wan't to be his stepping stone. He is using you to stay in the country. I believe the two of you should be in love before you guys get married. Your love for him should not out weigh his love for you. This is just my opinion. Good luck in whatever you do choose
@shikimurei (284)
• Philippines
6 Apr 11
Hi There! thank you for the reply it is much appreciated.
the voice that you hear is my uncertainty. there are a lot of things to be considered. I am past the stage where love is enough for me to marry a man. I would also like to clarify that i have to marry him in order to stay in his country, which he plans to bring me.
I have just been promoted and am willing to give all of my life up for him. I donùt know if my love out weigh his love, but i also see some sacrifices on his end. Travelling back and forth just to visit and be with me is not also easy.
Am trying to look at it on a third angle... If you have more opinion on this thou please do share. Tnx a lot
@keshia2007r (2880)
• United States
7 Apr 11
Cold feet and uncertainties are understandable. As long as you know what you are doing is the right thing, I say go for it. You love him, and you need to stay in the country because you have a great opportunity to work. Hopefully you wouldn't have to choose to give up a promotion for him and rather have the best of both worlds. Good Luck with all!
@shikimurei (284)
• Philippines
7 Apr 11
Thanx... i needed the encouragement. The only thing is... yes, i do need to go to his country and give up my job.
@cream97 (29086)
• United States
7 Apr 11
Hi. shikimurei. I think that you are ready to get married, but he just isn't. I think that you should both get married for the right reasons only. You are very serious about taking this big step, but it seems like he isn't at all. I think that you two should talk more to each other so that you can better understand the big step that you are taking with one another. I hope that he will say yes, to you. Take care.
@aerous (13434)
• Philippines
12 Apr 11
It depend on both the person enter into a relationship. Be optimistic that your marriage will be materialized. If your partner negatively inserted in his mind about the past of his broken family. The marriage did not success remember that...
Be by yourself and respect each other. Just maintain the love and affections...
@p3ks626 (6538)
• Philippines
6 Apr 11
Before you decide to do something like that, you have to prepare yourself financial, emotionally and physically. There are plenty of preparations that you need to make. When you are married, things when you were still boyfriend and girlfriend will be changed so be ready for everything.
