When friends seem to be gone. :(
By jemilane
@jemilane (176)
Philippines
April 6, 2011 1:23pm CST
I just got married and it seems that this stage of my life keeps my friends away from. I couldn't find any mutual things that we have in common anymore and it seemed that the activities that we're once shared are not present anymore. i admit that i really miss their presence yet it seems that i couldn't relate that much to them anymore. So sad , what must i do then.
2 people like this
10 responses
@pjnjclyn (176)
• Newton, New Jersey
6 Apr 11
Friendships change as things happen in our lives. You csn still have your friends but with them being single they are in a different mind set then you are.
There are still good times to be had just different good. Where all of you friends while you where dating like did you all go out together to the bar club or whatever? If yes then there is not reason that you can not still do the same things that you where doing before. If not you can always have a get together at your home like a bbq or something of that nature.
When you have a spouse I feel that they are your best friend and you will be spending most of your time with them.
1 person likes this
@pjnjclyn (176)
• Newton, New Jersey
7 Apr 11
Also you can get a new circle of married friends people that are in the same place as you. Then when you have a ladies night out there will be lots of things in comma because you are all married and noone will feel out of place
@jemilane (176)
• Philippines
6 Apr 11
when we were still dating, my friends started to tell me that i didn't have time for them anymore, and from then i started to feel that my time was really divided. sometimes i do feel that i don't have friends anymore now but it's true my spouse is there and he's the best of the best friends i could ever have. i'll make some time for my friends also for any get together.. :P
@boncie1 (24)
• United States
7 Apr 11
I feel Like I am going through the same things as you are. My single girl friends are still into having "girls night" or partying and I feel like as if I don't fit into that group anymore, where they go out clubbing and drinking every weekend. Also, I did get married pretty young, so most married couples are older than I am and I do not feel like I have much in common with them either. I just began to re-hang out with my girlfriends and I realized although I am no longer part of the main party group, they are still my friends. They still value my opinion and I theirs. Maybe there will be no more partying or girls night all the time, however I can still party sometimes and do things like go shopping or have long talks over coffee. Going out for lunch, or going out for dinner with your husband and your friends is nice too. Don't forget you can still call them or text them, be active on your facebook and write comments on their page and photos, which shows them you care and perhaps this will make them try to keep your friendship intact as well. I texted a few of my friends, and they happily updated me on what was new in their lives.
@Rapuncille (597)
• Philippines
6 Apr 11
As they say, social life is sometimes inversely proportional to one's lovelife. Normally, if you have already a partner or a spouse, the time you'll be spending with friends will be lessened as you need to spend much more time with your partner. Everytime you want to go out with them, you need to take into consideration your husband. Now that you are married, it is your family that is your priority. Since your friends are single, their priorities would be most likely that of the single ones, (where to go, what to buy etc.) which you will have a hard time doing now. Anyway it's just a phase. You'll get used to it. :) it's advisabke though to have your husband befriend your friends also so that the two of you might be able to still tag along with your friends when they are going out or when you have get togethers. Keep in touch also with them as there are other mediums by which you could check out how each other's lives are going. It's just a start. Wait 'till you have your own child. :p
@jemilane (176)
• Philippines
6 Apr 11
You exactly described this jeopardy i have in this stage. ;) As much as i want to check them out, i just feel it so hard to reach them esp. i am not that updated on what's going on in their lives. i feel so left behind . :( but yeah , you're right i'll get use to this eventually. :P
@Rapuncille (597)
• Philippines
6 Apr 11
Hi jemilane! Been there, done that. Hehehe. It's really good there's internet at least i get to check on them once in awhile. :) hmmm... I have two kids now and there was a time when i thought that my life has been robbed by my boys from me (post-natal depression?). But it's just an episode. You'll learn afterwards that the things you gave up is none compared to the joy of having and being with your family. Real friends are just there somewhere, waiting for you to have time to hang-out with them. They'll wait and they will understand. :)
Anyway, wait till they do settle. I'm quite sure you'll have lots of things to share again with each other. :)
@cream97 (29087)
• United States
6 Apr 11
Hi. jemilane. Welcome to myLot!
When a person gets married, relationships seem to change for the better or for the worse. Even though it may change, you can still assure your friends that you are still the same person, but you are just in a more committed relationship with someone. If they are really your friends, they will still be regardless of your new marriage. Certain things that you may have done together, may could change. But your friendship to each other, should never change.
When a person gets married, relationships seem to change for the better or for the worse. Even though it may change, you can still assure your friends that you are still the same person, but you are just in a more committed relationship with someone. If they are really your friends, they will still be regardless of your new marriage. Certain things that you may have done together, may could change. But your friendship to each other, should never change.
@lezalga (48)
• Philippines
7 Apr 11
This is the fact: that life changes when you become married. This is because your priorities will then be diverted to you new family and the growth of your new family, expecially when you already have your children. But don't worry. You can still set date or schedule on meeting and hanging out with you friends. But that schedule should not hamper your everyday responsibility to your family but instead, would become part of your never ending growth of your life and married life.
@tiffnkeat (1673)
• Singapore
7 Apr 11
Welcome to growing up 101. Each phase brings new friends, losing old ones sometimes. It need be so, but it really takes both parties to accept that our friend has entered a new stage and be willing to go along the uncharted territories with them.
Try to get together them more often without your spouse. Call a time out and just let your hair down like the good old days. I am sure your spouse won't want you to lose friends too. Your spouse could do the same. :) or a nicer one
@dlpierce (495)
• United States
6 Apr 11
We all get wrapped up in our own lives and often our friends of many years may not be included as often as we would like. But it's certainly worth keeping in touch with them.
I lost touch with a childhood friend. There was thirteen years before we heard from each other. She had married a navy man and traveled all over the world before settling in one area. Finally I made the right connection to locate her. She lives about 500 miles away. We started talking often on the phone reminiscing about our childhood. She came to see me the last two summers. It had been seventeen years since I had saw her. We picked up right where we left off, best of friends. I value her friendship very much.
@jemilane (176)
• Philippines
7 Apr 11
It's nice to know that you didn't have the hard time doing this. In my case, everytime I'm in the group , I am now the one who is so silent and couldn't utter words regarding the topic that we usually have. I have to work on this, i know, to know their businesses in their lives probably.
@Desiree1203 (75)
• China
7 Apr 11
how about leaving your husband alone while u and ur friends hanging out? sometimes people just think what they might do but not do anything.
@kheydia (882)
• Philippines
7 Apr 11
I feel sad about that, i feel that you are so lonely when you are writing this post. When i got married we live in my husbands place and that is a very long journey to take because he lives in another island so i have to leave my family and all my friends and everything that i used to and really i started a new life, it wasn't difficult at first i came to know many new friends, but as time goes by, sometimes i feel lonely and i miss my friends company, it's true that when you get married your priority in life will be different and so does your activities, but you are still lucky you still have your friends around you, you can still be with them, you can invite them to your house have dinner chat over their happenings in life, or you can still go out as friends tell them about your married life and how exciting it is, maybe that will do.
@sfleric (83)
• China
7 Apr 11
Don't worry too much about that.
It is normal that you concentrate your most attention and energy on your family after you got married. But it does not mean that you can not spend some time with your old friends.
You should keep a good balance between family and friends.
If you do appropriately, you can enjoy sweet family time and exciting friendship.
@jepoy11 (56)
• Philippines
7 Apr 11
Evrything will change once you get married. not only Ur relationship with Ur friends but also with Ur Parents and relatives. they said it is the start of new lifestyle. You can no longer do nyt out disco with Ur friends because you have to start being responsible and focus on Ur partners needs especially when U have Ur child. But you have to keep in mind that U still have chance to get in touch with Ur friends by simply txting, and chatting online or one in a while reunion. just remember that changes are constant. =)
