Mum's Kindness Has Backfired..Well, Sort Of!
By Janey1966
@Janey1966 (24170)
Carlisle, England
April 6, 2011 7:22pm CST
Mum's neighbour, Phil has had some operation or other on tendons in his leg. This is in relation to his heart, apparently. However, he's been a bit stressed lately because he's supposed to be "stopping smoking."
Now, his wife Miriam is a control freak, no doubt about it so Phil could only cadge cigarettes off my Mum (only the odd one you understand) whilst his Mrs was working.
The other day Miriam decided to have another chat with Mum (wow, 2 in a week, must be some kinda record lol) and made a point of telling her that, "Margaret {Mum's name}...you will never guess what has happened...Phil has been SMOKING!! Can you believe it? After his op and everything he is going out and buying cigarettes! What do you think of that?"
Mum mumbled something like.."Ooo, Miriam that's TERRIBLE!" not letting on that donating a few ciggies here and there has probably made Phil go out and buy some snouts lol.
Ironically, Miriam and Phil will be bringing back some ciggies from a holiday abroad for my Mum. No doubt Phil will be gagging the whole time they're away but there is nothing he can do about his addiction in Miriam's company. For starters, she gave up smoking a while back and they're the worsed, apparently!
What do you think of this situation? Like I said earlier, Miriam is a control freak and makes Phil "work in the garden" at every opportunity, something he will have to do more now that he's retired.
I agree with Mum; if smoking doesn't kill him, the landscape gardening he does for his Mrs certainly will! The only thing missing is a whip, believe me!
Now, his wife Miriam is a control freak, no doubt about it so Phil could only cadge cigarettes off my Mum (only the odd one you understand) whilst his Mrs was working.
The other day Miriam decided to have another chat with Mum (wow, 2 in a week, must be some kinda record lol) and made a point of telling her that, "Margaret {Mum's name}...you will never guess what has happened...Phil has been SMOKING!! Can you believe it? After his op and everything he is going out and buying cigarettes! What do you think of that?"
Mum mumbled something like.."Ooo, Miriam that's TERRIBLE!" not letting on that donating a few ciggies here and there has probably made Phil go out and buy some snouts lol.
Ironically, Miriam and Phil will be bringing back some ciggies from a holiday abroad for my Mum. No doubt Phil will be gagging the whole time they're away but there is nothing he can do about his addiction in Miriam's company. For starters, she gave up smoking a while back and they're the worsed, apparently!
What do you think of this situation? Like I said earlier, Miriam is a control freak and makes Phil "work in the garden" at every opportunity, something he will have to do more now that he's retired.
I agree with Mum; if smoking doesn't kill him, the landscape gardening he does for his Mrs certainly will! The only thing missing is a whip, believe me!1 person likes this
6 responses
@eileenleyva (27560)
• Philippines
7 Apr 11
Janey, I am never for the dragon's puff, and I am a devoted gardener, so probably I would be casting my tally to Mrs. Miriam. She might be frantic about her husband's recuperation, and she might be threading into depression about her own helplessness, that is why she had become the controlled freak the everyone sees... Just a perspective from my angle...
@GardenGerty (160697)
• United States
7 Apr 11
A very good picture of human nature. It is just impossible to break someone else's bad habits, no matter how much you love them and how scared you are they might die. It would probably be very healthy for him to completely stop smoking and work in the garden, but you just cannot make him do it.
1 person likes this
@commonground (367)
• United States
9 Apr 11
Well, I have to hand it to you, Janey. You are a one woman cheering squad for Phil! We should all have one such in our corner.
Phil is a grown man and it is his choice to smoke or not. His wife may be right in regards to his health but she is his wife, not his jailer! She cannot make him quit smoking by nagging him and well she should not. As far as the gardening goes, Phill needs to step up and let her know his feelings. It sounds like Miriam has a few problems of her own. Smoking may be a nasty bad habit but so are a lot of other things. One sin is the same as the next, it dosen't matter what it is. Miriam needs to quit bossing poor Phi around and see to living her own life, not trying to shorten his with her constant nagging and weilding the whip.
@Janey1966 (24170)
• Carlisle, England
9 Apr 11
I couldn't put this better myself. I agree totally with what you're saying. Yes, smoking is bad but nagging the poor guy to his knees isn't a good alternative either, is it?
I remember one year they went to Madeira. All Phil wanted to do was chill out but no, Miriam had them walking all over the island..in the pooring rain.
I really don't know why he's so submissive as it's obviously making them BOTH miserable.
@KrauseHome (36448)
• United States
7 Apr 11
Well, I could see his wife being concerned and all after the Operation and such, especially since she no longer smokes herself, but personally I think she needs to be more open and understand he does have a problem with smoking and until he has the desire to want to Stop smoking it will always be easier said than done. I know that it is an addiction that is hard to Stop without will power, and Glad I am allergic to them as well.
@Janey1966 (24170)
• Carlisle, England
8 Apr 11
I know what you mean. I'm so glad I never took up the habit but I know so many who have and my husband is having to cut back (not that he smokes a lot anyway) due to them keep going up with tax and what have you.
As for Phil, he's from a generation that didn't know the dangers of smoking like this new one does. Why a teenager over the road chooses to smoke (and her mother must know as she only steps outside to smoke along with her boyfriend) I really have no idea. When people tell me how expensive it is it literally blows my mind so to have a new generation smoking doesn't make sense to me.
@p1kef1sh (45681)
•
7 Apr 11
I think this is a very awkward situation to put your Mhm into. Phil knows that he ought not smoke and his inability to give up completely is not your Mum's fault. However, she does know that she should really not encourage him by slipping him the odd ciggie or two. Miriam sounds like a dragon and needs to accept that Phil won't just give up the habit of years. That said if he wants to get better he should accept that he needs to make some lifestyle adjustments. If I were him I think that I'd be happier in the garden than in the house with his wife!! I have known women like her and they can be so overbearing that they make everyone's life unbearable.
@Janey1966 (24170)
• Carlisle, England
7 Apr 11
That's just it..I don't think the work itself bothers him so much. It's the fact that his Mrs is barking orders at him WHILST HE'S DOING IT. He can't finish one job without her banging on about another one. I'm quite sure that if she just left him to it he'd be a lot happier and less stressed. He's obviously frightened of speaking his mind and telling her to "get stuffed" or "I'm not well, I don't really want to dig another hole, sorry love."
As for Mum, she's been a good friend to Phil over the years. You see, my Dad can be a bit domineering at times and she can talk to Phil about him and he can talk to her about Miriam and nothing gets repeated. Do you know what I mean? This is why she gave him a couple of ciggies because she felt sorry for him. Obviously, she had no idea he was buying more until Miriam pointed this out to her. Will this stop Mum from giving Phil the odd ciggie in future? Probably not. Why? Because he'd do the same for her. Silly logic I know but it's true.
@lacieice (2060)
• United States
7 Apr 11
You cannot...I repeat cannot...make someone stop smoking if they don't want to. She needs to lighten up and let the poor man alone, and he needs to try to cut back on how much he smokes. The more she bugs him about it, the more he will sneek around and do it. If she leaves him alone and tries to understand, he may come to the decission to quit on his own.
@Janey1966 (24170)
• Carlisle, England
7 Apr 11
He has cut down enormously on what he used to smoke. Years ago he was definitely a chain smoker but whenever I'm at Mum's (which, granted isn't that often) I hardly ever see him smoke. No doubt the guys who operated on him have ganged up on him as well to give up..but he can't and that's that. You're right, the more his Mrs nags him about it the more he's likely to smoke even more than if she'd left him alone!
I'm wondering if she's got Life Insurance on him the way she has him constructing walls, etc, in the garden. He's in his 60s by the way so hardly a young man anymore.
I'm wondering if she's got Life Insurance on him the way she has him constructing walls, etc, in the garden. He's in his 60s by the way so hardly a young man anymore.
@Janey1966 (24170)
• Carlisle, England
7 Apr 11
My thoughts exactly! The poor guy is on holiday with his Mrs now and won't be able to smoke the whole time he's away...unless he can find a way to be on his own. Highly unlikely!
